Hi, My name is Sean and I'm currently questioning my orientation. I have been attracted to women my entire life, both sexually and romantically but some recent events have made me think about that. There is a guy on my swim team who I am literally was over heals madly in love with. I don't think of it sexually but just like a warm and fuzzy feeling inside and just want to cuddle and hug and kiss. I am literally dreaming about him as I write this. I have explored my sexuality to the extent of watching gay porn but it doesn't turn me on but when I think about it in my head it does. The act of being in love and passionately kissing ect... turns me on. So watching two guys make love does not really turn me on but the thought of making love to this guy does. Any thoughts would be helpful. Thanks, Sean
I'm certainly no expert on this, but it sounds like the "Pansexual" term might fit here. Then again, who cares about labels? That doesn't help your life, right? Of course not. Assuming he's also "straight" (I hate terms like that so much), you kind of have a tough decision to make. The best idea make be simply to avoid this person, although I understand that may be very tough. There is also a chance this is a unique kind of short term infatuation, please don't take this as insulting, but it could be an expression of something else if you are strongly prone to obsessive compulsive tendencies, as I am. Sorry for not being able to give you a clear answer, but it is a muddy situation.
I'm sorry, mvp447, I'm not sure what part of the story said pan to you, but I didn't get that at all. Sean, if you are fantasizing romantically about your guy friend, imagining and dreaming about holding him, cuddling with him, and kissing him, that is a pretty telling sign that you are not straight. You may be gay or bisexual, but you don't identify your attractions to women in your post, so I can't comment on bisexuality for you. Forget the porn, it's not instructive to this discussion. Your lack of being turned on with gay porn isn't really relevant. What is more relevant is what do you fantasize about when you masturbate without porn. You said "...but when I think about it in my head it does." Does this mean just in daydreaming or while masturbating? Overall, I would suggest that you explore these feelings more, pay attention to your sexual desires and work on identifying what turns you on and what gets you off, but do so without the porn. Your true feelings and attractions will be more apparent by yourself. Take care. ride:
I agree with I'm_gay. Porn has little or no relevance at all. You don't have to put label to yourself or what you are experiencing at the moment. Relax. Continue paying attention to what you are experiencing. That is called self-awareness. The fact that you are romantically and sexually (cuddling, kissing and making love to this guy) attracted to same sex means that you are not straight. Cool. I hope self-acceptance and loving yourself more will follow once you admit to yourself that you're not straight. Once you reach this stage, the rest will be easier, although, not totally immune to frustrations and disappointment. Goodluck!
He could be your exception. You sound heteroflexible or a 1 on the kinsey scale. But you could also be bi and not know it yet,
