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Really confused about sexuality

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Curious132, May 14, 2020.

  1. Curious132

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    Always been attracted to women, then got into gay and transsexual porn, never been attracted to a man in real life, not really interested in face and body, don’t want to kiss a guy. Love women and can only really see myself being intimate with a girl but get intense arousal at fantasies about gay sex. Not confident and have social anxiety so only had sex with 1 girl. Tried quitting porn for nearly 2 years, fantasies persisted and not sure what to do, when I think about giving oral being bottom with a guy get intense arousal but still not sure whether I have been influenced by porn or am in denial. Have a history of OCD in many forms so not sure whether this is HOCD from porn or whether I am bisexual. Don’t think I’m gay as I’m real life women are all I pay attention to. Can anyone relate?
     
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  2. rktonks

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    Honestly porn is not a very good determining factor when it comes to sexuality. Mainly because it is designed to turn you on wether you are the same sexuality as the people on the screen or not. Like, for example, a lot of my female friends who are straight watch lesbian porn because it turns them on to imagine those things happening to them. In real life non of them are actually interested in girls at all, and they have only slept with or dated dudes. So if it’s only porn it probably is just the porn giving you those triggers in your brain and you like it. Anyways that’s my take on the situation, and I really hope it helps.
     
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  3. silverhalo

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    Have you tried to just think about guys in general without the porn?
     
  4. JayRic

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    I agree that porn can't actually determine your sexuality, as well as fantasies and so on
    try to think about real guys and whether you see them as your sexual partners or not :slight_smile:
     
  5. Pedro123

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    That's the same with me, but I'm starting to wonder if I'm actually just gay. Most gay people that I've noticed know how attractive women are, but they get intense arousal from thinking of sex with men and don't have the slightest idea why and think it might be an addiction or whatever just the same. Also they feel extremely guilty after cumming.
     
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  6. Needhelp3

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    You are right when I first started having sex with men I felt so guilty after cumming.. I hated myself for liking it.

    Still to this day it bothers me.. I’m so much more attracted to women but love sex with men..
     
  7. silverhalo

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    Do you think you are more attracted to women because of the issues you have around your attraction to men?
     
  8. Pedro123

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    To be honest after a while reflecting and talking to my therapist I don't think you just suddenly just have to accept yourself as a gay person. You can be whatever you want. If the only way you can see or perceive men now is in a sexual manner there is no need to try to make this attraction anything more than that, maybe that would even be unhealthy, because sexuality is fluid and it is also something that changes over time naturally therefore we really shouldn't try to force anything. That's what I'm doing for now. I'm not willing to just let women go, I like masturbating to them too, but still it's not with the same intensity. Don't let anyone try to force any label on you or tell you you're in denial all the time. If you were 100% gay and couldn't feel a thing for women that's when you'd be forced to do it but since it's not the case you can still call yourself a heterosexual male around people and please don't ever think of yourself as a fraud or a loser in denial for doing so.
    If over time those feelings you have for women start to diminish maybe that's when you should "make an announcement" but for now if you feel more confortable in most senses around them except in the sexual way I wouldn't say you're forced to do anything. Gay people that I've seen on the internet like the idea of a relationship with a man and they also dislike the female body. I don't mean in the sense that they think it isn't sexy but they can't see themselves having sex with them.
    Btw I did my research and same sex fantasies are 100% normal. The only case in which they should make you trully question your sexuality and make the "great announcement" is when you can neither get an erection from females in any way nor orgasm through thinking of them.
     
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  9. Needhelp3

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    I think I might be gay..
     
  10. Pedro123

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    Can you masturbate to women? Like to lesbian porn or to another woman masturbating? It's fine if gay thoughts keep threatening to come as you do it, I mean you're afraid of them, it's obvious they're going to be threatening to get in your head. But if you avoid them and think of women only, would you be able to do it?