Realizing you're gay stories

hmm this is a little tough for me as it was never a stark "bam!" kind of realization. though i didnt realize it until i already figured out that i was pansexual there were little hints all throughout my life. sometimes the stray sexual thought about another guy or the occasional desire to wear girls cloths, little things, here and there that i just brushed off as my adolescent mind exploring the world. finally in junior year i dated this girl (which was a disastrous separate story all together) long story, very short she was bisexual and it really caused me to think about my sexuality. i would constantly think of how nice it must be to just be able to be attracted to any gender, being able to be with someone without worrying about things like that. at that point i opened up quite a bit but it didnt really click yet. i would find myself reading yaoi comics and such and telling my self the story was good and it was cute, obviously the only reason im interested right? i continued pondering on it for a year or so until finally i kind of just gave myself figurative bop on the head and was like "dude face it you are bi" which being pretty open through out my life wasnt a distressing notion. as time went i pieced together exactly where i stood on the spectrum, looking back and putting together all those little hints from way back when. eventually i found out about the notion of pansexuality and realized that there isnt a specific gender that im drawn towards just PEOPLE. and here i am now, dating a fantastic girl who is in the same boat as i and we continue to explore each others and our own sexuality together.

 

Well I was actually really young when I realised.
I was probably about 7 and my best friend was getting dressed in my bedroom, and she pulled her pants down and I just felt so... well, I know I was only 7 and at that age I had no clue what any of it was or that lesbians even existed but I know that I felt something. And then again, in sex education when we were 12, all of the girls were a bit shy about it but I remember saying to my friend 'I'd never have sex with a man, it's disgusting.' I did fancy one boy a little at that time, but not in any way that I've ever fancied a girl.
And I kind of knew then... when I was watching Doctor Who, I was watching Rose Tyler and feeling more attracted to her than The Doctor (haha funny thing, nevermind) and that sealed it for me. I came out as bisexual first because for years I had tried to hide it by pretending to fancy Gary Barlow and having posters of Take That in my room... but I feel so much better now that I can admit to myself that I'm not that person.

 

Well I denied it to myself in 7th grade and forgot until I told myself 2 years later that I wasn't sure and now here I am, 3 years from my first thoughts in 7th grade, telling people my orientation of being bi and totally confident of it.

 

About two weeks ago, I was thinking about who I was emotionally. I have felt a slight hint of being gay/bi for about a year, but had never really thought about it. Anyway, I realized that I was gay/bi after watching a little too much tv and fantasizing when I couldn't get to sleep And when I am in the locker room, I can't help but feel uncomfortable because I normally get erections around guys anyway, but since I have realized my sexuality, it has become more prominent

 

When I first started looking at (hot?) porns or just general pictures... I kind of ignore the women and just look at the guys...

The guys...

And maybe I started checking out people in HS...

 

I was pretty sure I was straight, and I recognized my admiration of male beauty simply as my desire to be good looking. When I get sentimental with male to male friendships, I see it as a sign that I just love my guy friends since I am looking for a big brother figure. I was kinda like a player with girls, and took pride in landing awesome girlfriends.

That is until I was nearly raped by a friend of 10 years (did not happen though), to which I started to fantasize men even if I do not want to. I will sometimes make love with a girl, or masturbate with a girl in my mind, but when I reach climax it'll be about boys. I started denying it though, but my feelings got stronger and stronger, and my lust for men fueled more. Also, I started falling for my best friend, who is still the guy I love and crave for until now.

 

I was first about 11/12 when my friend randomly said, "imagine what it would be like to have a penis." So I thought about this, which led me to think about what it would be like to have sex with a girl with a penis, to just being with a girl. Of course natural 11/12 year old ohmygosh no I'm not gay or even into girls.
Then through high school like 13-15 I did look at girls in a similar way I looked at boys in a way but didn't really recognize it as the same (hindsight huh?) and in movies and TV shows I'd check both girls and guys out. I thought it was due to low self-esteem and wanting to look like they did (again on the hindsight thing).
I was in the final year of high school when I realised I had a maaajor lesbian crush and I though, but I like guys, but I also like girls, right I must be bisexual. Now I'm actually thinking I could be gay, or just going through the more into girls stage of being bisexual, if I met the right man I wouldn't exactly run in the opposite direction

 

I haven't come out To anyone yet.I think I hae always known that Somthing was not the same as Everyone else i knew.Coming from A Homophobic Family We Were Always Told To Hate Gay's Ever Since I was young.And I neve saw why we should

I think I Was about 8 when I Kind of knew I was A Lesbian.It was A Week Before Xmas And We Were Out Geting The last few bits for xmas.I Saw This Girl (she was the same age as me then i think) I dont know if she was looking at me because i was in a wheelchair or she was just looking at me but When i looked at her This Feeling Went Through My Body It Was Amazing And Beautiful Feeling.She Was A Very,Very Beautiful Girl.

When I Was 10 I Couldn't sleep so I put my tv on and there was this programe On all about Lesbians.

Since That Day I have realised That I liked Girl.

 

It wasn't clear cut for me. every time I look back to my childhood, I see some "signs" but not really, I didn't really think I was gay until I was 15.

I knew something was up when I saw him, I'll call him B, I saw B and didn't even know his name yet, but I knew I had to be close to him.

At first I just ignored it, but secretly I hoped he would notice me, I would do subtle things like drop my pencil near him so I could be close, or walk past him and think out loud so maybe he would ask what I thinking about. I could not believe I was doing that, I had a girlfriend, I was straight, I couldn't have a crush on him.

He plagued my thoughts when he wasn't around, there was a fire in my stomach that burned me when he wasn't next to me, I felt sad when wasn't there. Instantly B became my world, me, everyone else, everything I loved, and everything I hated all at once.

He would show up in my dreams, some where erotic but most were romantic and I would wake up alot with my heart pounding thinking "Why am I thinking about him so much!!". I would cry and pray to god to make this stop. I had deathly afraid of going to hell.

Over time though, we became extremely close and I cherished every second with him. gradually I figured out I was in love, I would not dare say I was gay quite yet though. And thankfully, instead of praying to god to make this stop, I prayed that B would love me back, every night I would stay up til' 11:11 and at school also, Wishing every day for a year or so that B would love me back. I was in denial, I would go as far to say I loved him, not gay, nope, just love.

After 2 years, this summer, I finally admitted, I'm gay. After that, I became anxious and depressed and alot of stuff with family and friends happened, and my feelings waned for B.

I still love him, Love is what made me realize. My sexuality was made clear to me with the ultimate and unconditional surrender to another, who happens to be a male. Sex is just a side thing to me in definition to my sexuality.

 

About 3 years into watching homosexual porn...or porn in general. :dry: You think I'd have noticed by year two. (Just a phase, pah! Who was I kidding.)

 

watching redtube, that "gay" category always interested me, until one day i clicked on it. BAM.

:icon_bigg

 

The real moment of realization is inappropriate. Lol. I have a lot of history with guys. Let me see.. Probably being 7 years old and having the boy I liked upset at me because he thought I was interested in a girl from school. First love letter I wrote and I still mean every word of it. Ended up finding him on Facebook after all these years and he's still just as beautiful as I remember him. Laying there next to me

 

For me it was around 5h grade this girl had a huge crush on me but I realized I only hung out with her because I though her brother was really hot.

Then about 6th grade I was at a urinal and the kid next to me had his package all out in the open and the way I lusted for it I knew I was gay. Without really knowing what gay was.

 

That was basically how i realised that i was actually gay, but it took a while and much denial with phases and curiosity prevalent in my mind.

I did have a friend when i was really quite young (i was 8 i think) and we'd managed to find his dads porn collection and we used to watch them together and 'play' with each other. I remember him saying that he didnt want to do it anymore after his 8th birthday and i agreed but was secretly incredibly disappointed. In hindsight that should have been my realisation but i repressed it for years lol.

Also, Darren Criss. How can you not be gay with him in the world?

 

I never even thought about it to be honest (until recently of course).
I actually thought it was normal to be attracted to girls...
and I've been "boy crazy" since... well forever but looking back now, Im definatly bi lol.
Well the first sign should have been that i have a celeb crush on Natalie Portman.. haha
Also, I was always fan of Emily Fields on Pretty Little Liars and I could never pinpoint what it was. I guess when it comes down to it, its just a collection of little things that i never really thought about since i had a dream about holding hands with my best friend..

 

I've always been attracted to girls more than guys. I first realized I liked girls in the second grade, but I always denied it. Coming from a Catholic family, I was told that it was wrong and based solely on lust. In eighth grade, I started coming out to people as bisexual. Earlier this year, I started having serious physical contact with this guy that I was dating, and I felt totally uncomfortable. It was the first time I've had any serious contact with a guy besides a peck on the lips. Also this year, I had my first girlfriend. It was the best relationship I've ever been in. I realized I was a complete lesbian, and that the most I've ever felt about a guy was appreciation of his appearance. I've never truly liked/loved a male.

 

I always knew, but I never wanted to except it.
When I say I always knew, I mean, I was always tomboyish, and when I was three, my mom put me in the last dress ever, I have been told I screamed like someone was dumping me in acid or something. It always felt like something was... different. In sixth grade, when the girls in my school started to "date", if you called going to friendlys and sitting across from eachother a date, I always felt grossed out by the idea of going out with a dude, but more than once had the idea of going out with a girl crossed my mind... and that scared me. I don't think I will ever understand why I was so terrified of the idea of being gay, because my familly is very very accepting of it, one of my cousins is gay, and he is always the most anticipated guest at thanksgiving, and my grandmas favorite grand child... back on topic... for a few years I tried to like guys, my "friends" (They wheren;t much friends, they just tried to turn me into a make-up wearing, twilight-idolizing popular girl) would try to set me up with some, but I would always find some excuse as to why I couldn't go on that date... in the end after I had found my real friends, my crush on one of them started, and I finally gave up trying to ignore the fact I was gay and decided to accept it.
Anyway, thats my story.

 

Tenth grade in choir. I was staring at a girls lips and wanting to kiss her and thinking "Oh fuck, I like girls."
Which is weird because I've masturbated to nude pictures of girls and I never realized I was a lesbian.

 

haha choir is a terrible thing when you are a closeted lesbian. I was in an all girls choir and it was sooooo hard to make sure no one saw me checking anybody out

 

I didn't have like a eureka moment when I went like : "hey I'm gay"
I gradually realized it. When ever someone asked me : " Do you find that girl hot"
I didn't really care. But when I saw a guy I always looked what I could find hot. Also when I was near this one guy I would almost lose my mind each time because I liked him somehow.So eventually after a lot of thought it occurred to me that I'm gay.

Now I'm happy and have accepted myself for who I am. :icon_bigg