Realizing you're bi.

Argh, good thread idea, which causes some head scratching.

I very distinctly remembering liking girls as a very young kid, and playing doctor was my first sexual experience, before puberty. I was involved in student government, though in a minimal role, and went to an event for student council types for younger kids at a high school with a huge auditorium. I went home and thought about a girl I saw there for months after that.

Even in high school, there were some girls I found attractive and wanted to get to know. The reciprocity factor was uneven, going in both directions. A high school friend, fortunately at another high school, was responsible for my first post-puberty sexual experience. That friend then took the both of us swimming where an older guy (30s) he'd had sex and had smoked pot with before happened to be there and, well, you can guess the rest. I struggled with that experience during college because it was outside of the confines of a friend I had grown up with and had more of a "help a friend out" vibe. That friend and I are still very good friends. We go back to before age 10.

College was confusing, to say the least. I found more opportunities to date women and have sex with them. Some of it was good and some of it wasn't. The worst part for me was the pressure to have a relationship toward the end of college, or shortly after graduating, when I didn't know which end was up with regard to life plans. I had some guys hit on me in college. I laughed off these approaches to not make waves. I thought there were some fine looking guys in college, preferring the hairy, stocky, in-shape dark haired types, all the way up to professors who looked like that! Yikes.

The dam broke in my later 20s when I was on a trip. I knew I wouldn't get caught so far from my points of reference. No guilt. None. I didn't feel entitlement as much as I felt it was a good catch-up for lost time and denying myself sex for years at a time.

I gave up on the prospects of having a relationship with a woman for the pressure and their need to have offspring, which I absolutely do not want. I was never too keen on having a relationship with a guy, either, since I've talked to some friends who either had open ones or had gone through flaky ones in serial fashion. Guys come across as so horny to me. Maybe I'm projecting. However, their threshold to have sex seems to be low and it's not a dramatic event that requires a thesis to analyze it. I almost wondered if I could get it up for women after a few of these events. I was double dipping, but doing safe things. In my 30s, the last thing I expected was to be in a bar and have a woman in a dark corner showing off her new boobs to guys around her, I got to feel them, and got instantly aroused. With women, I just don't want to do the work. I liked it better college-style, when they were the ones to offer and I found them attractive. Women my age are looking for long-term mates, are more assertive than I want to deal with, and I ain't biting.

From what I've seen, relationships with women are difficult because of the conflict of interests as to what self-actualizes the genders. Relationships with men are difficult because you have two predator types paired up, meaning testosterone makes them perennially horny and anxious to spill seed. I can actually be happy with someone who wants to have sex more than once. Look at how many hookups have all this ground work and logistics to set them up and then are followed by good sex and then ... nothing.

It's a situation of pros and cons for both set-ups.

 

I remember that I've always been into girls, but at the same time, I've always (well, maybe not until I was 14-15) been into boys too.

I never really pretended not to like girls, but I just never really accepted it or acted on it, kinda just knew but shoved it on the back of my mind. Then one day I just got tired of knowing but not doing anything about it, and started getting involved in forum/groups, I started meeting people and I basically dived right in.

So I've never really had this epiphany moment, I kind of always knew and just ignored it for a long time, for a lot of reasons, including being in a country that is well known for being close minded about pretty much anything.

 

Feels pretty much like what happened to me for years, until I realized that getting excited and wanting intimacy with other guys is not something straight people do.

 

I guess I should have realized I was bi long before it happened. I was attracted to males from a very young age (I think I got my first crush at 5), and started having regular sexual thoughts at around 9 or 10. One of the first people I fantasized about was a girl, but it didn't really register with me. I just thought it was a fluke or something. In the sixth grade, I had a female friend who I did everything with. We held hands, shared a bed (and cuddled) during sleepovers, even kissed each other on the cheek. I didn't think this was abnormal in a friendship, so it came as a surprise when people started saying we were lesbians. It turned out to be true in her case, but I was still attracted to guys, so I wrote it off. I was also incredibly shy until college, so it was sort of difficult to separate the general mortification of people noticing my existence from the embarrassment that comes with romantic feelings. I had a few serious hetero relationships/flirtations (Oddly, most of them have since come out. I think part of me was drawn to the sexual confusion they were experiencing because of my own.). College was where I really started wondering. I met this girl, and she was beautiful and artistic, and SO cool. She was also bisexual, and made it clear from the beginning that she was interested. She walked me back to my dorm after a party one night and kissed me. I wasn't quite sure how I felt, because it scared me so much. There were sparks, but there was also a massive dose of terror. I had never stopped to wonder if I liked girls. Anyway, we had an acting class together. As luck would have it, we were given a scene to do together...where we had to make out. It was this that sort of stuck the idea in my brain. I definitely liked her. But, as the attraction was basically just to her, I decided not to label myself. I wasn't ready, and it was too confusing. As time went on, I noticed myself feeling attraction to more and more girls. I kissed a few more, but never dated them. Finally, I developed a full-fledged crush on a co-worker (she's still the most beautiful girl I've ever met) and decided it was time to admit to myself that what I felt for women was equal to what I felt for men, and was happening with equal frequency. I felt a little stupid. The feelings had ben there for almost 15 years...you'd think I would have seen the signs. But, I do feel so much freer, just acknowledging my sexuality at last. It's about time, after all...

 

I've known since puberty that I liked girls. Toward the end of high school, I had some 'curious' feelings about guys. Hence I considered myself 'bicurious'. A few years later, probably midway through college, it hit me: I was bisexual. My same-sex desires were not just a 'phase' after all.

 

This to a T, I have always known. Just never really acted on it except for fooling around with my friend when we were both reeeeaaally young.

 

Oddly enough I didn't realize I was bi until after high school. I liked guys so I just assumed I was straight and went on autopilot

 

Pretty similar to some other stories here. Honestly my "experience" hasn't been extensive with either gender, but I always knew I liked girls since puberty hit.

High school sucked and was awkward and all that, so I pretty much didn't get to much of anything relationship-related. I basically thought I was straight. So much for that lol

Once high school started coming to a close, and other things in my life started getting better, I pretty much just admitted to myself at sometime around the following summer "this isn't a phase". I think I knew all along that I liked guys but I tried to ignore it for a long time. I questioned if I was gay - but this didn't make sense to me because I had had intimate feelings for many women for many years. So I basically came to the conclusion I must be bi, but have a preference for men.

Interesting how many of us figure things out around the end of high school...

 

I left high school a couple of months back. I thought I was late to the whole 'questioning your sexuality' party. Guess not .
Basically, puberty hit and I was almost exclusively attracted to women, but as I started exploring my sexuality men sort of took over so I figured my initial same-sex feelings were just a phase.
Lately I've been finding myself attracted to women again, and the more conscious I become of this part of myself the more spontaneous the attraction becomes. Does that make sense? I still prefer men mostly, but I'm becoming more and more open to relationships with women. Basically, I'm not yet ready for the term 'bisexual' cause I want to make sure that it's not a phase, but time will tell I guess.

 

i never really thought about liking girls...i was always just like...i liek boys...duh...then i would find myself looking at females..chest....which dosent really have much importance to things..i dont think that even had much to do with being bi...i think a lot of girls do it ...but then i started freaking out like.......oh my god im lookign at boobs...im a lesbian!!!! i dont know why i didn't want to be a lesbian so much..but i think its because in the back of my mind i knew i liked boys..and i still wanted to be with males too...so then i was like hey...mayb ei like boys and girls...then i was liek hey..that makes sense..then was fine valentines day i accepted myself..

 

I've had a similar experience to some of the other stories already posted.

I've always been attracted to girls, but when I was younger I really was not attracted to guys. Other guys, especially the more masculine ones, were usually antagonistic towards me. Though I did notice in my early teen years I would act flirtatious towards other guys who were a little more gentle in nature. I specifically remember having this one friend who I pretended I was going to take my pants off in front of. I didn't do it, and at the time I thought I was just doing it to be silly or get a reaction out of him, but looking back on it I don't think someone completely straight would have done that in the way I did it. I really wanted to take my pants off lol. I think if we had had some more privacy and he had responded favorably I probably would have ended up messing around with him. This event has always made me think that if I had more opportunity to be in private with like minded guys I probably would have found some things out about myself sooner.

Add to this my desire to crossdress since an early age, and how I knew no one in my family would be okay with me doing it and thus having to do it in secret. Basically I wonder if events early in life kept me away from finding out about myself and forced me into a more traditional gender role.

As I gained more freedom I found myself flirting with men online and even thought about meeting someone. I never did but I continued thinking about how I wanted to. Then I met an older guy at my job who was also into crossdressing who spotted me as a crossdresser from a mile away. lol I didn't confirm to him that I was but I knew that if I did I would have probably ended up doing something with him.

It was around this time I started thinking that I needed to investigate my feelings towards men and ended up doing a little experimenting and found that with the right guy things clicked and some of the apprehension I had felt about the thought of possibly being gay went away.

 

Nice to hear some similar experiences to mine. Sometimes I'm self conscious about admitting that I haven't just "known forever" and actually only became sure I was bi in the last couple years. Like a bunch of you, the end of high school was the key time for me when I realized I was attracted to guys.

I definitely try to seem like the "model bi guy" sometimes. It's good to remember that being bi doesn't have to mean "being attracted to both genders exactly equally every day of your life."

 

I think the same thing. I think the idea is that if you haven't always known then you might not be gay/bi. But I don't think it is that simple. I think societal pressure, family pressure, raging puberty hormones, etc all have an influence on your natural feelings of attraction.

 

I couldn't agree more!

 

Which is probably why so many of us figured out after high school.

 

I found out in weird way. I had some feelings towards a girl earlier, but pushed them aside as a "girl crush" (feelings of admiration and adoration which a girl has for another girl, without wanting to be with said girl). Then later, I had a dream about a girl kissing me. Went down something like this.

Me/Thoughts: (Yawn) What did I dream....O///////////////o KYAAAAAAAAAAA!

The rest of the day I kept staring at random girls lips, blushing and looking away. Took me 2 or so months are more dreams to realize I was bi. Thought to this day, I still don;t know how only my mom guessed I liked girls...

 

I'm the same way. One day it eventually just clicked with me that I enjoyed the male body as much (or more) than the female body. I'm still struggling with the concept and it just feels different realizing that I'm not hetero. It's a change, but I can't say that it's an unpleasant one. Just something else to eventually get used to.

Though I will say that I can't wait for my first boyfriend. My heart flutters everytime I think of it

 

Being bi just kind of hit me recently. Ever since I was a kid I thought that girls were hot. Then when I was in middle school I had a huge crush on one of my best friends (whom was a guy). Then, I started to realize that I was attracted to both guys and girls. I suppressed my feelings towards men for years up until recently when I started googling stuff about being bisexual. My family is fairly religious, so the topic of homosexuality isn't brought up much, and when it is, it's usually my parents talking about how they think it's sick. So, that is one of the main reasons that I supressed my sexuality. It feels a lot better now that I have come to accept myself, and hopefully I will find some friends that will accept me too.

 

I realized I'm only attracted to the right girls. I don't think they exist much any more, I need a certain amount of innocence in a girl to find her attractive. I definitely find attraction to and flirting with men much easier. But I haven't forced my attraction to women, I just haven't dated the right women. I find it much easier to find the right man.