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Ready... I think

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Unknown737, Jul 17, 2017 at 7:26 PM.

  1. Unknown737

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    So I recently (aka last night) came out to my two best friends as lesbian after they thought I was bi. They are totally accepting and amazing people and I had been waiting to do this for forever. They completely support me more than I could ever hope for. I was super nervous because I was not 100% sure that Lesbian is actually the right label for me as I am slightly homoflexible with one guy crush. Although after doing this, I became a lot more confident in myself and think I am ready to come out to a few more people (just close friends/teammates). I really want to be out so that I can just be me.

    I have a main friend group that is slowly disintegrating and some of the people always spread rumors about my sexuality as I am very introverted and don't tell any of them any personal things. I don't really want them to know yet because it just makes me uncomfortable to think that they could be like "oh I knew it" or "yes i guessed it" when I come out.

    I was wondering how anyone else knew that they were ready to come out or how to know if they are the right people? (most of my friends will be accepting so that is not a main fear really of mine)
     
  2. Ruby Dragon

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    It's tough because we all go through questioning stages (Is this really who I am? What if xyz). Nobody is 100% certain all the time, but you seem pretty confident, but you're scared that you will have to come out again if things work out differently. It's tough to learn to accept that you are not what you thought you were all along. The biggest hurdle to overcome is accepting that you're not straight. You've already done that, so now you just have to be patient with yourself. It will take some getting used to. It's like a memory foam inner sole. Eventually the fit will be just right and you will be comfortable walking around. I know that's probably the worst comparison ever, but you get what I'm trying to say, right? It will feel uncomfortable for a while, but eventually it will be a part of who you are, and you will feel better about it. Just give it time, be patient. And if you're not feeling confident yet, don't think that you've made the wrong "choice". I put "choice" in inverted commas because being gay is not a choice. You already figured out that you like the same sex. Now you just have to come to terms with the new label. You don't have to come out to the world yet. Just take it one day at a time, and soon you will be out to everyone. Don't rush it
     
  3. silverhalo

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    So if I am understanding correctly you are not worried they will react badly more just that you feel this is quite a personal thing to share and you are worried what they might say, not in necessarily a negative way.
    I had a couple of friends that figured it out before I did but then I think it's easier often to see it in other people rather than yourself.
    As for knowing when you are ready. I think for me it was when my need to be honest and truthful and not hide anymore was greater than my fear of telling people. It definitely came in fits and starts. Sometimes I would tell a few people in a short space of time and then other periods I would go a while without telling anyone. It also helped for me to consider my worst case scenario, decide how bad that would really be and think about how likely it was and eventually I came to the conclusion that the risk was worth taking.

    I'm not saying you have to do it, you only do it when you want to and whilst rumours are horrible sometimes being honest actually makes the rumours die quicker. That being said you should never feel pressure to tell anyone if you don't want to.
     
  4. beagle

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    hi,

    As usual silverahlo has given some excelent advice.

    Does that mean they will become aquintances soon or just growing apart? Anyway i know you said you were introverted which i am also and try to keep things private but don't know if that is part of my not acceptance of my sexuality or just not being an open person.

    I try to use another word apart from anyway as am going off point here, I think that you friends when you say that they spread rumours they might not be the poeple to tell. Unless you could say to yourself " If i told them not to tell anyone else would they?" At the moment it the same question i am asking myself .
     
  5. Unknown737

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    Yeah. I don't plan on telling those friends yet... My cross country team is really close (practically a family) and so I want to come out to some of them that I am particularly close to.
     
  6. beagle

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    Hope it goes well with telling your cross country team friends.