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Re-evaluating

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Jaimequestions, Apr 13, 2022.

  1. Jaimequestions

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    After some more thought and a lot of thinking I realized that I am bisexual. I am attracted to guys and gals. My question is, how do you control it? There are times when I find guys super hot, and other times I will think women are super hot.
     
  2. Chip

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    Well, here's a practical question: Why do you need to control it? Unless you are concerned about how it will affect you in a relationship...
     
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  3. bsg75apollo

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    I am curious about that as well.
     
  4. Roy Batty

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    I don't think its about control. Perhaps re- framing how you approach being attracted to men and women, and how lucky you are to have this orientation? Fighting it may backfire :slight_smile:
     
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  5. BiGemini87

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    I'm in agreement with the previous comments: unless it has some impact on a romantic relationship you're currently in, there's really no reason to try and control what you're feeling. :slight_smile: There's no shame and certainly no reason to make yourself feel more strongly towards one or the other. You may find that you're more into men at times and then women at others, and that's natural. You might also find that your attraction to both stays relatively unchanged, and that's okay too.
     
  6. Roy Batty

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    Ha - fair point. I guess I should amend my previous point by saying that sharing something so intimate may allow for a deeper connection and reorient how you experience your bisexuality.
     
  7. Jaimequestions

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    Part of me is not sure and the other part looks like to OCD thing. Is there a comprehensive way to look at it? What questions should I ask myself to see if I am gay, by, or straight?
     
  8. bsg75apollo

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    I asked myself four questions. Can I picture myself in a romantic relationship with a woman? Can I picture myself in a physical relationship with a woman? Then same questions for a man. All four answers are yes. Therefore bisexual.
     
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  9. Chip

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    The problem with OCD is, it hijacks your brain. Thus, it is very hard to self-analyze to determine if you have it. If you think you do, then it would be worthwhile to get an assessment from a competent professional.
     
  10. LilLady9

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    What do you mean? I totally agree and feel fortunate to be bisexual, but I am curious to hear your thoughts. :slight_smile:
     
  11. Roy Batty

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    Hey - BBT :slight_smile: Any capacity that we have as humans that allows us to connect to others is good fortune. Perhaps reverse the concept I was drawing out in response to the the original post was to wonder if one not having the capacity to genuinely connect with other genders or your own an intimate manner would mean missing out and life's richness? Having been in the closet, I have slept and connected with men and women. I'm lucky because many others haven't experienced both genders as I (we) have. My one hesitation in drawing this comparison, is it seems to be diminishing those who are singularly homo or heterosexual. So there must be more to work on in my explanation because I'm hesitant to draw comparisons that draw their strength by pointing out an alleged 'weakness' in it's opposite. Maybe it's best to say, 'bi is a incomparable good'

    I'll have another scotch and think about that a bit more.
     
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  12. BirdWatcher87

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    Hi Jaime!

    I like your question that you posted. I’m similar in a way because being bisexual myself, I find that sometimes I go through days where men are on my mind more. Women are always and have been my strongest attraction throughout my life, but when I found I had feelings for men too, I accepted the ebb and flow of my feelings. No matter what my feelings are on a given day, I’m grateful that I accepted being bi and that I can have feelings for both genders. It’s an amazing feeling!

    Just be you and follow your heart’s feelings too! :slight_smile:
     
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  13. BiShark

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    I'm relatively new to this myself, not realizing I was no until my 40s (I'm late 40s now).

    I think what bsg75apollo said is important, can you picture being in a relationship and/or enjoying sex with either men or women?

    To add to that, there's also unconscious stuff. I experienced a bit of that myself in a couple different ways. One of them was noticing that, when my wife suggested we think about having an open relationship (we didn't end up doing it) I found myself thinking I didn't want to pursue getting a girlfriend but maybe a boyfriend.

    There was also stuff like finding myself getting aroused while thinking about men or women or finding myself fantasizing about men or women while masturbating (not normally both at the same time, usually it's one or the other).

    It's also ok to question it or be unsure. I thought of myself as bi-curious for a while. Technically that may be more accurate as I haven't actually experienced sex with a man, though I feel certain and secure enough in those feelings now that I'm comfortable saying I'm bi even without having had first-hand experience.