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Ranting but need advice

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by risa24x, Jun 17, 2022.

  1. risa24x

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    So I recently discovered that I’m bisexual.. like very recent. I’m just having a hard time accepting it in my head. I’m not nervous of coming out to my family as we already have other LGBQT members in our family. I guess I’m just more worried about what others have to say in my small town. I figured if I’m questioning, there’s a feeling/reasoning I’m questioning & that means I am. Straight people don’t question, they just know they are straight. I’m sad & I know I shouldn’t be but I am. I have some homophobia in my head as I go on dating sites & I find females pretty but not enough to take on a date because im extremely nervous. I just need help & support & 100% a huge hug. I just didn’t expect my life to go this way & now that it is im having a hard time accepting it.
     
  2. buzzer

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    You can't be someone you're not. Maybe you should take some time to figure yourself out more before coming out to others. Maybe you could talk to some of the other LGBT members of your family. There are also some nice people on this site who can help you to discover more about who you are. I hope this helps, and best wishes to you.
     
  3. Jinkies

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    It can take a little bit of time to accept yourself. That's okay, use that time. This is your chance to find out who you really are, and it's a little intimidating, but it's also a very exciting time! Seeing as you have other LGBT members in your family, I'd probably first open up to them. They can be your first group of support that's not just words on a screen, and it may be a few people at first, but it can surely go a long way. You also may never know who will be accepting. I've been surprised many times, and you might as well. Obviously don't try coming out to everyone at once if you're not comfortable with it, but do know that some of your best allies may come from unexpected places.

    But do, please use that initial set of time. However long it may be.
     
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  4. PrettyBoyBlue

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    Hi Risa, I will give you a huge internet hug the best I can! :hugging:

    I would sorta caution you as far jumping to too many conclusions, too fast. Like @Jinkies said above, I think you can take whatever time you need to find out what the "right" answer is (who you are / what you want.) I don't think that just because you're questioning that it means anything unto itself... you're just more open to the possibility than others. I would also add that some straight people do question, although I think they go through a different process, and a much quicker one on average, judging from stories that I've read from others. I think it's really great for everyone to ask these important questions, no matter who you are.

    It's okay to feel sad. As you mentioned, this aspect of your life took an unexpected turn, and now you're dealing with that. That's a perfectly reasonable thing to feel. I think you may be overwhelmed too... I often feel a different version of "sad" just by being overwhelmed by a situation.

    I know you're not quite ready to come out fully public, but I hope you can use this space to experiment and be who you think you are, or who you want to be. I think that's the magic of being online, and I know it's been a huge lifelong blessing for me personally.
     
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  5. Andoni

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    Hey Risa, thinking warm thoughts here and sending them your way. Happy to give you an online hug .

    From the words you use, it sounds like you're trying to force a conclusion that hasn't had a chance to take place yet. You don't need to know anything yet and you certainly don't need to tell anyone anything yet because from the tone of your post, it sounds like you're not sure of what the message would even be at this point.

    I just figured out and accepted my bisexuality. It can take a while and I wanted to just have the answer ASAP too but it didn't work that way for me.

    I would recommend just giving yourself a break as far as worrying about what other people do when they question their sexuality and what other people might say or think. If you focus on all of that, you'll make it harder for yourself to just relax and come to the answer yourself.

    A complex sexuality is as awesome when you figure it out as it is confusing while you're trying to understand it all so please take some peace in the knowledge that at some point, you'll probably smile to yourself and realise that you're in the process of doing something that's exciting and special.

    Life is seldom as straightforward as anyone expects it to be and if it is, well how boring. A bit of mystery is fun.

    I would recommend saying hi to some people that you think are cute and just having a conversation. For anyone, dating is all about seeing how you feel around other people until you find out which ones give you the best "feels" when you're around them. You can start the process entirely online and see how you feel before going on a date.

    You don't have to commit to anything. You can dip your toe in the water and walk away on your terms. Be kind in doing so though (as long as it doesn't make you vulnerable).
     
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  6. silverhalo

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    Hey have a virtual hug. It is very normal to have some kind of internal homophobia, it sounds like it is still really early days in you learning and figuring out your sexuality so dont be so hard on yourself, just because you are struggling now doesnt mean that it will always be that hard.

    What do you think is the thing that is bothering you most at the moment?
     
  7. Haruto

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    I think that this is right. Only you can know who you are and when is right for you to accept yourself and come out.
    I agree entirely. Take time. It took a year to find out I was bisexual. I still go through periods of time where internalized homo/biphobia takes over and makes me think I'm something else. I think all you need is to take time. Another thing is watch some tv with queer main characters and see if you resonate with their experiences (i.e. one of the characters from Heartstopper). This system really did work for me. Then again, only you can know who you are. Have a great day, and hope all goes well!
     
  8. BiGemini87

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    Hello, Risa! I definitely agree with some of the others saying to take all the time you need to process your feelings: both how you feel about men and women and how you feel about yourself being attracted to both. I know first-hand how difficult it can be to come to terms with these feelings; even when we accept and love others who are LGBT, sometimes the idea that we ourselves are same-sex attracted can be a bit much to digest. No doubt you're experiencing some feelings of shame or disgust towards yourself; I can't tell you not to feel that way, because until you work through these feelings, you're likely to feel that way regardless. But I will say it does get easier over time, even if you stumble now and then. Give yourself permission to feel whatever you're feeling, and if any of it is negative, take some time to reflect on where it's coming from: perhaps a negative experience with a peer, family member, etc. Or perhaps you've just heard so much hostility aimed at bisexuals/same-sex attracted people, it's stayed with you. Even if the latter didn't come from anyone you know, it can have an impact. The important thing is to work through these feelings/thoughts, and hopefully come to the realization that there is nothing wrong with you in the end. :slight_smile:

    I think, if and when you're ready, talking to trusted individuals (such as the other LGBT family members) will be a good way to find some common ground and through it, the support you need on a more personal level. Much as EC can be like a big family, nothing beats the support of those you surround yourself with. :slight_smile: