Random Trans Musing

I kinda feel the same, and I have for a long time. At some point two and a half years ago, I started hating myself in almost a compulsive way. Like all I could think about most of the time was how stupid and ugly and terrible I was, but I wasn't annoyed about anything specifically. Even when that gradually got a bit better I still had ridiculously low self-esteem and no matter how many hobbies I got into or how many after-school clubs and competitions I did, even if I could have fun occasionally, it would always feel temporary and pointless and these days I can't concentrate on anything that I used to find fun anymore.

I read in a few articles that dysphoria can sometimes manifest itself in ways like these, and it would make a lot of sense since this started when I was noticeably going through puberty and always felt like everything about my body was wrong without knowing why, but all the same I'm still wondering if part of the reason I think I'm trans is because I think that transitioning into a man will solve all of this and I'm still not sure if that's true.

Sorry for the ramble. What I'm trying to say is that from what I've experienced and found from random googling, this general depression does seem to sometimes be a symptom of dysphoria. I've been stuck in a phase a bit like what you describe for almost three years now, and all I can say is to keep your chin up. Other people rarely think that we're as horrible as we are, and as long as you stick with what you love to do, there can be temporary moments of happiness and achievement.

 

Well my mood it's kinda unestable too and about the angryness and sadness, they doesn't have a specific cause. thanks for your kind words, they're really helpful.