If this is in the wrong area of the forums, I'm sorry. I've been chatting with my online therapist about this issue. I've pondered that my racial identity has some overlap with my sexual identity. Let me explain: I guess about 2010- to the present I've had some leaning towards wanting white males as friends or leaning in some sexual/platonic/romantic(emotional) leaning. With mild/light leaning towards white females as sexual feelings or fantasies(college gymnasts I'd have fantasies towards or females I may have some sexual feelings towards when I pass them in public). Prior to that , I attended public schools in an urban setting and felt like I didn't fit in and was bullied. I mean the Hispanic guys(I am a Hispanic male I should say) were of "Blaxican" identity. I mean they acted the whole gansta crap or acted "tough" or spoke better Spanish than me or the "Cholo" crap. I myself I wasn't into all that and was seen as a "faggot" or "bitch" or "pussy". So it was some paradox of not being "tough" or maybe it was I not "Black" or whatever. High School I had some conflict with some gay Hispanic guy that thought I was "white" I think because I didn't speak Spanish well or something. I don't recall. This guy went around groping guys on my Cross Country HS team and he tried grop me till I punched him in the chest. College(I attended TCU in FT Worth Tx-long story on that in 2010-11). TCU in 2010 was like 1970. Well I felt different in a sense. I mean I joined some Hispanic group but I felt they were "too white" for me. Long story on that. But I met some blonde White guy that looked mildly feminne(not over the top femme or not super flamboyant) with a slight Virgina lisp and I felt some connection. It's a long story on that. Plus from that point, I felt some connection or a need to lean towards White males as friends in some way or acceptance. Plus at TCU, I had more first sexual fantasies over a guy I liked and also a white female I liked(she was with a guy I sort of didn't like). I accidentally made a drunken remark in front of her boyfriend and said she was "Hot and rated 16 out 10." My last college stint I was leaning towards white males as friends/platonic and I felt like I was trying to carve out a white masculine identity. Iong story on that. I've mentioned prior that my two closest friends in grad school were two white males that accepted me as an honorary white male due to my mutual attributes of masculinity in BJJ grappling, mild sexism, bonding in smoking weed and drinking. I feel that I have some sort of trans-racial issues(not transexuality) sort of like that white woman that wanted to be black. But I'm not going to some extreme of bleaching my skin or anything. But it's sort of like me trying to dress as a white male(polo shirts in some way), cologne, trying to get good dress shoes at work. I don't go to college anymore and I don't party anymore(I've been sober for 3 yrs folks), I try to talk white on the phone(I make phone calls at work when I call to verify veterans appts for my job-long story on that). I feel that I want some psychological-sociological benefits of being white in terms of not wanting to be seen as Hispanic or being less than "White". I suppose it's some wierd issue I've come to realize.