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Racial and sexual identity overlapping

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by ECMember, Mar 21, 2020.

  1. ECMember

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    If this is in the wrong area of the forums, I'm sorry.

    I've been chatting with my online therapist about this issue.

    I've pondered that my racial identity has some overlap with my sexual identity.

    Let me explain:

    I guess about 2010- to the present I've had some leaning towards wanting white males as friends or leaning in some sexual/platonic/romantic(emotional) leaning. With mild/light leaning towards white females as sexual feelings or fantasies(college gymnasts I'd have fantasies towards or females I may have some sexual feelings towards when I pass them in public).

    Prior to that , I attended public schools in an urban setting and felt like I didn't fit in and was bullied. I mean the Hispanic guys(I am a Hispanic male I should say) were of "Blaxican" identity. I mean they acted the whole gansta crap or acted "tough" or spoke better Spanish than me or the "Cholo" crap. I myself I wasn't into all that and was seen as a "faggot" or "bitch" or "pussy". So it was some paradox of not being "tough" or maybe it was I not "Black" or whatever.

    High School I had some conflict with some gay Hispanic guy that thought I was "white" I think because I didn't speak Spanish well or something. I don't recall. This guy went around groping guys on my Cross Country HS team and he tried grop me till I punched him in the chest.

    College(I attended TCU in FT Worth Tx-long story on that in 2010-11). TCU in 2010 was like 1970. Well I felt different in a sense. I mean I joined some Hispanic group but I felt they were "too white" for me. Long story on that. But I met some blonde White guy that looked mildly feminne(not over the top femme or not super flamboyant) with a slight Virgina lisp and I felt some connection. It's a long story on that. Plus from that point, I felt some connection or a need to lean towards White males as friends in some way or acceptance.

    Plus at TCU, I had more first sexual fantasies over a guy I liked and also a white female I liked(she was with a guy I sort of didn't like). I accidentally made a drunken remark in front of her boyfriend and said she was "Hot and rated 16 out 10."

    My last college stint I was leaning towards white males as friends/platonic and I felt like I was trying to carve out a white masculine identity. Iong story on that.
    I've mentioned prior that my two closest friends in grad school were two white males that accepted me as an honorary white male due to my mutual attributes of masculinity in BJJ grappling, mild sexism, bonding in smoking weed and drinking.
    I feel that I have some sort of trans-racial issues(not transexuality) sort of like that white woman that wanted to be black. But I'm not going to some extreme of bleaching my skin or anything. But it's sort of like me trying to dress as a white male(polo shirts in some way), cologne, trying to get good dress shoes at work. I don't go to college anymore and I don't party anymore(I've been sober for 3 yrs folks), I try to talk white on the phone(I make phone calls at work when I call to verify veterans appts for my job-long story on that).

    I feel that I want some psychological-sociological benefits of being white in terms of not wanting to be seen as Hispanic or being less than "White". I suppose it's some wierd issue I've come to realize.
     
  2. Linning

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    I think what you experience is fairly normal/common, it doesn't mean that it's okay and that you shouldn't work on changing your mindset.
    BUT it does mean that your feelings are not uncommon.

    You are looking at it the wrong way though.

    You are putting people in boxes that aren't true and wanting to differentiate yourself by sticking to stereotypes/cliches. Here is the thing, you can be Latino and wear polos, cologne, be sexist (!), wear dress shoes at work and speak with no accent, you can be black and do the same, the same way you can be white and be ''ghetto''. Wearing polos, dress shoes and faking having no accent doesn't make you white, it makes you a latino that is rejecting his origins and as someone who is biracial and have been through it, I will let you know now, that no matter what you do or how you act you are STILL (and will always be!) latino.

    Instead of wanting to be white, why not be the latino you want to be. In which world does being latino prevent you from wearing cologne, dress shoes and polos? It doesn't. Your origins don't define which type of person you must become but it is part of your history and you will have a MUCH better life, if you try to embrace it, instead of rejecting it.

    As for your attraction to white people, it's not a bad thing as long as you don't fetichize them, and as long as you don't reject other ethnicities on the sole premise that you have attached stereotypes to them and already assumed who they are based and their origins/race.

    Also, and that's more personal, but being proud of being a little bit sexist, is fucked up. If that's something you feel you need to be to survive in the world (it's not!) change your mindset.

    What you have said is you only bond with people who love you for who you fake to be and not who you are, if that doesn't make you want to approach things differently I am not sure what will.

    Embrace yourself and stop putting people in boxes, first of them all, you.
     
  3. ECMember

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    It's more of a psychological-socialogial construct for me. I am not trying to bleach my skin to be "White." It's more of an internal construct. I keep linking "whiteness" with normal/acceptance".

    In terms of the media in the US of White youth/young adults/early 20s(bascially anyone 16-25 so I can draw an example) are seen.



    I mean when I look at pics or videos of White guys(HS and college age, I'm not a perv or pedo) as cross country and track or swimmers and I feel some resentment of my past shortcomings in HS sports. Or if I see guys my age going by in passing and I feel feelings for them but unsure of how to talk to them or if they accept me as a friend or partner.

    I'm not bi racial per se. I don't have bi racial parents, but Latino people are just made up of different groups of people and interactions(that's another story for another time).