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Quitting self harm (CONTENT WARNING)

Discussion in 'Anonymous Support and Advice' started by Anonymous, Jun 26, 2014.

  1. Anonymous

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    So, the other day I was talking to my boyfriend (I'm a bisexual man, for reference) about how he used to have a problem with drinking. I started talking about how I used to have a self harm problem, but then I realized... I totally still do. I guess I never pieced together exactly how BAD everything was until the other day- I knew that I went through extended periods of different forms of self harm, but I guess I never really connected them together in any way. I started cutting myself at around 12, but it was only a little bit, and only for a short while. A few years later, I picked it up again, and it stuck more... but then I ended up quitting. Finally, at age 16 or so, I REALLY started developing a problem. I started punching and hitting myself a lot, and punching other things with the specific intention of hurting myself. I picked up smoking, and would intentionally chain-smoke to the point of vomiting and feeling really sick. I started cutting again, much more severely than before, and would even keep a package of razor blades in my car like you'd keep a pack of gum, and even would go to far as to cut at stoplights if I was having a particularly bad day. Once I finally kicked cutting, I, a few weeks ago, had an eating disorder relapse (lots of fun stuff in my life) and realized that I was starving myself as a means of hurting myself more than anything- I'm actually perfectly happy with my body weight, and think heavier men are really attractive. I just liked knowing I had control of my body, and could hurt it. My best friend finally talked some sense into me, and now I guess I'm not currently doing anything to harm myself. But I've been sort of looking over all this stuff in the past, and I have this feeling that soon enough, I'll just find something else to hurt myself with. My question is: are there any ex-self harmers out there who can give me some tips on how to recognize when I'm starting to do it again, and how to get myself to stop? I've considered trying to find a support group, but I'm afraid I'd be chastised for it since I'm male, or that I wouldn't be accepted there. I dunno. Please help?
     
  2. Anonymous

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    You'll be accepted. Afterall, it's a support group. Give it a shot. (&&&)
     
  3. Nick07

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    You think men don't have those kind of problems? :slight_smile:

    I can relate to most of the things in your story. I selfharm (not as drastically as you), I don't take my prescribed meds and I starve myself and don't drink from the very same reasons as you. I didn't connect the pieces together until not long ago.

    Perhaps you need to word the reasons why you do it. Fighting it will be easier. I try to be nice to myself and don't feel bad about relapsing because I know once I concentrate again, I'll get on the right track. I'll talked to nutricionist and try to keep including healthy snacks in my diet. I struggle with the rest. The meds are the biggest problem :frowning2: But I keep trying.
    Good luck