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Quite unsure - MH, orientation, mid twenties and no experience

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by VictoriaO, Jun 28, 2022.

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  1. VictoriaO

    VictoriaO
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    Well, I have very severe mental health issues (undergoing plenty of treatments - don't worry) and I haven't had much luck with treatments over the last ten years. I'm 26 and I've never ever kissed anyone or been on a date. I like the look of nice neat men in a good suit! but the idea of any other sort of relation or attraction grosses me out. I have siblings who are gay and they tell me this doesn't make me a lesbian even though I know I'm attracted to women a bit, I've never really considered it as an option and I am so inexperienced compared to most of the people my age range. My body is rather disfigured in places so I'm terrified of most of it being seen by others, I don't know how to kiss, I've got terrible social anxiety and other mental health issues have made me a bit scared by men at times - for no reason that isn't irrational - I just worry I think I may be a lesbian and wondering whether it's just that way because it's got a bit to do with my irrational fears or not. It's all just very complicated and I can't make much sense of my brain, friendships let alone a romantic relationship. I just feel so very very behind and I really can't work myself out. Even in high school I went on one date total which ended in a panic attack, liked the idea of boys liking me occasionally but never really particularly interested but I was also so concentrated on being a straight-A student that it just wasn't too high on my list of priorities.
    I don't know, what do people think?
     
    #1 VictoriaO, Jun 28, 2022
  2. Rayland

    Rayland
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    Hello and welcome to the EC! :slight_smile:

    I'm in my 30's and have very little experience with romance, so don't worry that you are left behind. There will be plenty of opportunities. Also no one can really tell you what your orientation is. In the end you decide what feels the most right. It's also okay to change your mind. Take small baby steps to figure it out. No need to hurry.

    I never thought I would be someone who would like women, but then again I never really explored this either. It took me very long time to accept that I do like women. There was this feeling of shame and quilt that I felt over it. My enviroment is conservative, so that's why.
     
    #2 Rayland, Jun 28, 2022
  3. bambibat

    bambibat
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    Hi, welcome!

    It could be that you’re a lesbian, or possibly a bisexual woman who just has very minimal attraction to men (like myself). Only you can figure it out for yourself though. And it’s also fine to go unlabelled for as long as you need.

    Your experiences sound similar to a few of mine at least. When I was younger (during childhood and in very early teens) I also liked the idea of boys liking me. But to be honest I was just one of those who enjoyed any sort of attention lol. I also got crushes on fictional male characters in cartoons quite a lot. But then growing up, I hated the idea of kissing or doing anything else with boys. I have certain fears around men as well. Even when I had a boyfriend at 13 (for one week) I would constantly remind him I didn’t want to do anything with him. But not long afterwards I began feeling strong attraction to girls and women, much stronger than what I ever felt for boys, and since then have only been interested in dating the same sex.

    I will say it’s mostly important to go at your own pace in life and prioritise your well-being. There’s no rush to figure things out, date people or get “experience”. It’s fine to not know how to kiss (heck, I don’t either). And I know quite a few who wish they hadn’t done things when they did, so at least people like us don’t have those kind of regrets. You’re still pretty young. And I’m sure things may become clearer if you decide to put yourself out there — social anxiety makes things tough, but even the tiniest steps matter.

    Wishing you all the best! :slight_smile:
     
    #3 bambibat, Jun 28, 2022
  4. quebec

    quebec
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    VictoriaO.....Hello and a great big LGBTQIA+ welcome to Empty Closets! :old_smile: You remind me a lot of myself!! The only dates I went on when I was in high school were when I felt like I had no choice. I had no idea what to do...or not to do for that matter! Even though at that time I hadn't realized that I was gay yet...the human female was still a mystery and a really scary mystery at that! I think that I kissed a girl twice during that time only because she "went for it" so I kind of had to go along for the ride...and it was not an enjoyable trip! Later on, when I had decided to get married for lack of any other choice (I thought) , I didn't kiss my "finance" until the night that I asked her to marry me! I think that she wrote it off as just a very shy person...while in reality I was just terrified! Now, I have no problem with kissing a woman, however, kissing a man, is much more enjoyable! So some things just take time and others take the right the right orientation to light the "spark". I hope this little story will help you understand how your emotions affect your desire to become closer to someone!

    *****I can remember the first post that I made on EC. I was desperate for help and I got the help that night that I so needed. I hope that we can help you in the same way that I received help. The most important thing to remember about Empty Closets is that we do care about you! We're very glad that you found us here on EC and hope that we can answer questions, give you support and provide a place to vent (as long as it's not violent!) :old_big_grin: when that becomes necessary!

    *****There are 18 different sub-forums here that you can check out and join in the conversations or start your own thread/conversation. When you have made at least 10 posts on various threads you will be able to post messages on a member's Profile Page. Just click on a member's Avatar Picture and then click on "Profile Page" in the dialogue box that pops up. You'll then be on their Profile Page and there will be a box that says: "Write Something" When you have been on EC for a few weeks and have made at least 50 posts on various forums, you can apply for Full Membership. A Full Member can send Private Messages (PM) to other Full Members and share personal contact info. Right now you can only send a PM to a Staff Member as that is always possible. Here is a quote from the Full Membership information forum: :old_cool:

    *****To be eligible you must be a member of Empty Closets for a minimum of two weeks, and have a minimum of 50 posts. These posts must be across numerous forums (Fun & Games does not contribute to post count), and consistently posted across a minimum of two weeks. You wouldn't be eligible, for example, if you registered, had no activity for two weeks, and then returned to post 50 times on your 14th day of membership.

    *****Well, as I said, we're very glad you found us! :old_rolleyes: If you have any questions at all, you can post a question on my Profile Page or send me a Private Message.

    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
    #4 quebec, Jun 28, 2022
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