Hi I’m 24 and questioning my sexuality and I really feel like I don’t know what to do. This is a long winded story so sorry and bare with me. I’ve always identified as straight. I’ve had sex with men and been in long term relationships and I know that I have feelings for men. When I was younger (around 16/17) I started getting feelings for a girl who was gay, and started to question that I was bisexual. However when things began to get physical, I freaked out and said that it didn’t feel right. The girl got really upset about it and wouldn’t speak to me, saying I was using her as an experiment but it wasn’t like that I really did feel I had romantic feelings for her. But I can understand her feelings and felt genuinely guilty. Now I think of girls in a sexual way but I’ve still never done anything with a girl. I spoke to my friend about it saying I thought I was bi, but wasn’t sure because of what happened before. She said that it could have been because I was young and scared of my own feelings. But then she asked me if I could see myself in a relationship with a girl and I said no, just sexual. But I’ve been questioning more and more and I asked myself why I wouldn’t see myself with a girl and my answer was because I was scared. I’d be scared of my families reaction, my work colleagues, and even some friends. Even though I know most people would be supportive. I thought to myself that if it was socially “normal” to be bisexual, then I would be with a girl. I think my big anxiety now is that I don’t want to upset anyone. I don’t want to try and find someone to see how I feel, and give them the same feelings the girl did when I was younger if I freak out again. But it’s starting to get really on top of me and I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’d rather see if I am bisexual before thinking about how I’d tell anyone around me that I think I am. But I don’t know how to find out without hurting anyone’s feelings again. I just feel really conflicted and upset a lot of the time about it.
Hey welcome to EC, I know it is tough but try not to put too much pressure on yourself. I can understand your wanting to experiement but not wanting to end up in the same situation again both for yourself and also for the other girl. Do you have any LGBT friends? Don't worry I'm not suggesting you experiement with them just that being more open about maybe being bi might help your mind come to terms with it. Alternatively EC is a great place for this, just letting it all become more normal and everyday. I know when I was first questioning my sexuality I was terrified about coming out and how I could be with a girl and lots of things like that. It sounds like you have done a lot of thinking and that it seems most likely it is fear and fear of upsetting others that is the main stumbling block.
Hi @Allie136 - As I read your post it occurred to me that this whole thing we call "dating" is a series of experiments. We find someone who might be a good match, we spend some time together and maybe take the relationship further, or maybe back off. It's always best to be honest upfront with each other, but it's not always easy. The risk is that the other person is going to get scared away, and that can really hurt. But if they don't get scared away, that's a good sign. I hope you will keep reaching out, be honest and open, and find what you're looking for.
