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Questioning, could use some guidance

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by JediCat, Dec 26, 2019.

  1. JediCat

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I think I've about figured out who I am, but not 100% sure.

    Though I am married to a man, I find myself open to the idea of dating, romancing, sleeping with other sexual identities whether they be trans, non-binary, bi, lesbian, or whatever. I go for personality. According to websites I have looked at that would make me... Pansexual?

    I have to be emotionally attracted to the person before I would consider sleeping with them, which would make me...Demisexual?


    I am biologically a female. However, I wear men's clothes. Mainly because physically, they fit me better and are more comfortable. Also, because I've never liked women's clothes or make-up or anything feminine really. Except flowers. Though flowers aren't exclusively feminine because there are plenty of male horticulturists. And, I'm starting to ramble.

    Anyway, I feel like I have the mind of a man as well as the mannerisms. There have been plenty of times people have called me 'sir' either over the phone or in person and it has never bothered me. I always told myself it's because there are more important things to worry about than whether or not someone used the right pronoun(?) when addressing me. But, I wonder if there is something deeper going on here or am I overthinking this?

    Physically, I don't like my chest. It's not that it's too small or big; it's too feminine.

    Lastly, I'm terrified to come out to my family. I'm the second oldest of eight and have already had two of my siblings come out in the past two years. I've already come out to my husband as bicurious, but he doesn't know the whole story. I'm not even sure of the whole story.

    So, for sexuality I'm demisexual pansexual (Demi-Pansexual?), but definitely not straight. As far as my gender identity goes, I don't identify as female, not one hundred percent, but I don't think I'm trans either. I don't know what I am.

    Thoughts?
     
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  2. EleanorHunter

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Michigan
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It sounds like you've got a pretty good idea of where you stand!

    The nice thing about the gender spectrum is that it's just that, a spectrum. You don't have to be 100% one thing or another. I was going to mention that not liking feminine stuff doesn't always mean anything about your gender (identity versus expression is definitely a murky thing to work through), but you seem to already be aware of that. There's definitely plenty of genderqueer, genderfluid, androgynous, etc. folk on here who can answer questions a lot better than I would be able to.

    Is there any specific reason why you would be scared about coming out to your family? You don't have to answer if you're not comfortable, I'm mostly just curious. In your case, it doesn't sound as if a lot of things will be changing that your family would ever be aware of. You already seem to be dressing in the matter that makes you feel most comfortable gender-wise, so it's not like anything would change there. At the end of the day, it's your life. Take it at your own pace, don't worry about coming out if you don't want to. You've got plenty of time to figure things out.
     
    Dreamsexul and JediCat like this.
  3. Regaen

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Roswell, NM
    Gender:
    Androgyne
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm andro, AFAB, so I get it. I'm neither male nor female. I'm still working on getting rid of outward gender signs, they make me uncomfortable... My chest specifically, I can't bind because of asthsma. Most people mistake me for male on the phone. I don't mind it.

    As for sexuality, demisexuality actually covers gender-blindness, where gender just doesn't factor in and an emotional connection is the deciding factor. Also, you could be demisexual panromantic, for example. The spectrum is huge, everyone has a place :slight_smile:
     
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  4. Dreamsexul

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Devon, UK
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Sounds pretty good to me. I think of myself as male but not a man, and use the rather forgiving genderqueer label for that.

    The only thing I'd mention, and am sorry I have to do so, is that you might want to prepare yourself for not every LGBT space or person being accepting of some of your labels - demisexuality in particular can be a bit hit and miss regarding validation both on LGBT sites and asexual sites. Be a little wary.

    Oh, and welcome! :slight_smile:
     
  5. Phoenix92

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Albuquerque NM
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It sound to moi like you’ve got things figured out pretty securely.
    For the sexuality, Demisexuality and Pansexuality are not mutually inclusive, nor are they mutually exclusive. I know many people who are both, as well as being Panromantic-Demisexual.
    For your gender, you can be genderqueer, or even trans, and have no desire to transition. The fullness of the bosom can easily be mitigated with binders.

    Now unto the family: don’t worry, family always knows. Often times they hide behind a mask until we come out. The fear of ‘what will they think?’ is normal.
    To come out is more for our sakes than the sake of others
     
    #5 Phoenix92, Jan 12, 2020
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2020