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Question my therapist asked me

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by kai397, Mar 12, 2019.

  1. kai397

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    At a therapy appointment the other day the my therapist and I were talking about my transition (im ftm transgender and I am about the change my gender on my birth certificate) she asked me this question because she knows that in the past I have been sexual assultaded before and she just want to make sure that im not going to regret transitioning
    Here is the question she asked me: Are you transitioning because its unsafe to be a woman?
    I want to know what y'all think about the question and how you would respond if asked this question
     
  2. Chip

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    Is this therapist skilled/experienced in working with trans individuals? It sounds like possibly she is not.

    The concern she has is a legitimate one, and this is an issue that comes up in some cases, and is exactly why many states require some sort of review by mental health professionals before treatment can commence; however, the particular way in which the question was asked (if what you wrote is close to what she said) was not an appropriate way to ask the question; instead, a longer discussion of your assault, how it impacted you, what aftereffects you've experienced, and what if any therapy you have received would have been the appopriate way to address this.
     
  3. MaybeBenji

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    Short answer, I'm not transitioning because it's unsafe to be a woman. I'm transitioning because I am a man.

    I think your therapist asked this because many people that detransition do it because they realize they were never trans. I fell down a "detransition hole" where I was researching it because I was hoping I wasn't trans (long story but I realized I was in denial about being trans).

    Anyway, there are many people that think they're trans when in fact they have unresolved trauma from abuse. They feel disconnected with their body because of the abuse they went through and either mistake that feeling for gender dysphoria or just want to change their body in an attempt to not be that person anymore. It similar to how some people on My 600 lb Life are sexually assaulted and eat excessive amounts of food so that they are so big no one will hurt them.

    I think it's a fair question. It probably stung that someone could think that but try not to think of it as someone denying your transness. It's phrased in a bit of a blunt way but it's an important topic to explore.

    I don't mean this next part in a way that denies your experience, I think it's an interesting topic and want to play devil's advocate for a minute.
    If someone were transitioning because they felt unsafe as the gender they were assigned at birth, it wouldn't solve anything and would cause more pain in the long run. Hormones and surgery will not make them feel safe, therapy and processing their trauma will.

    In the end: if you're trans, you're trans.

    It's a very interesting question to me. Because in a way, I don't feel safe as a woman. Not in a "I'm afraid I'll be assaulted" way but in the sense that if I try to continue living as a woman, I will live a very unfulfilled, unhappy life. I would end up doing unhealthy things to cope with my dysphoria. I hope that makes sense. Basically, if I continue to live as a woman I will be a danger to myself and therefor will not feel safe. That's probably not what the question means but, again, I'm fascinated by this kind of thing. (And I tend to over-complicate things, oops)

    Thanks for posting this, I really enjoyed thinking on this. I like exploring trans thoughts. It's a good way to process what's going on in my own transition.

    Good luck with your transition, I'm very jealous that you're changing your birth certificate. I've just started my transition.

    -Ben