So, I live in a conservative area. I've found friends who are Allies but at work, not so much. If there are others like me, they are fully closeted at work (like me). My coworkers are mostly nice, and the topic mostly hasn't come up. But a few months ago there were some (tacky) (out of nowhere) (like someone deliberately brought it up) (to talk trash about it) bathroom jokes. lolololol gendered bathrooms, sooooo funny. So I'm keeping my head down and acting cis-gendered. I pass as cisgender easily so I'm not scared per se, but I am getting frustrated. I miss my pronouns and my on-point style and everything. I know, I know. Move. I'm working on it. But it's still several months out. In the meantime, I could use some advice on keeping it queer while keeping me safe (and employed).
Hi @Nelavai - Welcome to Empty Closets! I work for a big, corporate company that is surprisingly progressive with embracing diversity. I'm pretty sure someone did their research and found that good employees come from all varieties of diversity, and diversity helps to generate creativity and innovation, which makes us more competitive. They also reinforce the idea that people shouldn't have to check their true selves at the door. That's the company policy. Now, how do they insure that individuals go along with that policy, and how do they guide diverse individuals away from being disruptive? That's not easy. Not long ago we fired a guy who was preaching, and coming into the office with no shirt. That guy definitely added to diversity, but not in a good way. I understand your discomfort with the inapproptiate comments that you'd really like to object to. Recently I was with my sister's who are generally progressive, but one made a joke about same-sex activities, and I just clammed up (I'm not out to them). I know, it's not the same thing, but it gives me a little insight into what you face. Do you think your job would be at risk if you asked people to use your pronouns? What if someone made bathroom joke, and you just said, "come on guys you shouldn't talk like that". Would that be too much of a risk? I really hope you can find a way to be yourself at work. You'll probably have to be a little subtle to avoid being disruptive. Good luck and best wishes! =Sevn
I'm 85% sure I wouldn't lose my job over my pronouns, but it would definitely get Weird, and there's some people who would just refuse to use them. I want to speak up more, and I want to push back more when they say "it's just a jooooooooke omg ur so serious". I'm trying. And off work I'm changed into my own style as soon as I get home. If I have to be quiet on the job I'm gonna be loud n' proud everywhere else!
On some level, I think a lot of us leave a part of ourselves at the door when we go into work. For me, that means being less playful, and more serious. It's a balancing thing, to figure out how much of ourselves we bring into the workplace. It becomes a personal decision, based on your values, your workplace, and especially on who you are. It's not easy. Do you have any allies at work? It would be great if even just one, or a few people could use your pronouns and validate your true self. I wish you worked where I work! Good luck! =Sevn
