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Pronouns?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by illbehere, Sep 26, 2018.

  1. illbehere

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    Hi all, so this is my first time posting in this area. Please correct any mistakes I make. So recently I had an experience where I wasn't sure of someone's pronouns and I accidentally called them "she." I had heard all sorts of pronouns being used. I only figured out their pronouns today because someone asked. However, prior to this, I figured their pronouns wouldn't include she because they have various trans pride and LGBT bracelets. Agh I'm a tiny bit scared they're gonna find this and figure out this is me but I kinda don't care. Anyways, after, i felt really bad because I have read stories about being called the wrong pronouns ruining people's day. The person is a couple years older than me and I am new to the school so I don't really know their story. Turns out they use the pronouns they, them etc. So, what does everyone who doesn't use their original pronouns think. Would you want someone you just met to ask about your pronouns. Has being called the wrong pronouns ruined your day? What would you do if you were in my situation? Thanks for the help!!
     
  2. Hawk

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    I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. If you meet them later you could tell them that you're sorry that you used the wrong pronoun and you are now aware they use they/them. If they didn't have any indication (like a sticker, etc) you couldn't have known they prefer neutral pronouns.

    That's the thing with they/them pronouns though. They're not the default pronoun that people use, and I don't think people are going to ask every person they meet what their pronouns are.

    Again, I wouldn't worry too much about it, but the next time you see them maybe just acknowledge that you didn't realize what pronouns honoured them.
     
  3. illbehere

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    Thanks for responding. I dont even know if they noticed i used she. They might have though. I kinda just figured that they/them pronouns were the most gender neutral pronouns i could think of and would then be a better choice. I’ll probably apologize though. Thanks
     
  4. Hanyauku

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    I wouldn’t feel too bad about it. They/them pronouns are hard, even for very trans aware people. One of my good friends uses they/them pronouns, but I originally knew them with female pronouns, and I still find myself referring to them as “she” in my mind before I correct myself. Just make an effort to use the proper pronouns now that you know what they use. And as a transgender person, I’d just like to say thank you for making the effort and actually caring. Pronouns are a big deal, but it’s the effort to use them properly that says more than anything, and that’s very appreciated.
     
  5. Chierro

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    One of my coworkers that I worked with for about two years used they/them pronouns and it was admittedly a rough transition for most of us to use. We were so used to using she/her that it took some time.

    Typically what would happen would be if someone slipped up, they would correct the person that slipped up (typically nicely) and move on.

    Try not to beat yourself up about it. Unless they specifically said prior to talking with them their pronouns, you didn't really have a way to know. You know now and you can use their proper pronouns in the future.

    The only environment I've been in where they/them pronouns were the norm was when I went to a meeting for my university's equality alliance. Since there were a lot of people, I guess it was just easier to use gender neutral pronouns unless the person's actual pronouns were known.
     
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  6. illbehere

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    Yeah, when I first met them I kinda just thought they were a tomboy so I used female pronouns in my mind. Now I know better. And no problem! I just want to make everyone feel welcome and comfortable.