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Progress? Are these feelings normal?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Rdougall1, May 24, 2018.

  1. Rdougall1

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    Hi all,

    I feel bad because I periodically post and get support but I don’t nearly post enough on other people’s pages which I hope to work on.

    Anyways, I’m a gay male who just turned 22 last month and I have been out of the closet for a little over two years now. I have made tons of progress from feeling bad about my sexuality (Catholic upbringing) to slowly embracing it. I have had one authentic relationship which I felt content about emotionally. Even though he was slightly controlling, I felt emotionally bonded with him in a way that was not even close to the way I felt when I had a relationship with a girl in high school in which I felt empty.

    Ever since then I have been slowly working on integrating my identity into another part of myself. I never ever ever ever want to go back into the closet because I love being able to date people who understand me and who I truly love. At the same time, I feel kind of alienated by the preference for heterosexuality that is in our culture. I’m not shaming heterosexuals but I do feel kind of “abby normal” because of how different being gay is. I also have a physical disability which makes it even more complicated although that does not bother me as much. I just wish that I could like men and truly feel emotionally attracted to them without feeling guilty about it. Does that make any sense? Has anybody been through this?

    Thanks for reading!
     
    #1 Rdougall1, May 24, 2018
    Last edited: May 24, 2018
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  2. HDIGH

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    "Abby Normal"? Young Frankenstein fan? Lol.

    And you're making perfect sense my friend. That feeling is part of why it took me 37 years to come to terms with my own sexuality. And I too am still trying to figure out how it integrates into the rest of me. How do I go from HDIGH the bisexual back to just HDIGH who happens to be bi. I think it's a process we all go through.

    Good luck and keep us updated.
     
  3. quebec

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    Rdougall1.....Ah yes....the religious guilt trip...I know it well! Before I start sounding too anti-religion I should tell you that I am a Christian and I have kept my faith as well as being gay. That sounds like a contradiction, but it can happen. It sounds to me like you haven't yet been able to shake off the indoctrination that said that being LGBTQ was a terrible sin, that taught that we are broken and must be fixed. Even when I accepted that I was and always had been gay, I still had a serious conflict between my faith and what I knew to be absolute truth...that I was gay. It so happens that my faith was a choice of my own...I was not raised to go to church and all that entails. So turning my back on what I believed was not going to be easy...and, like you, I refused to go back into the closet. I spent a little over a year in very serious study of what the Bible...not church dogma, not church leaders...says about homosexuality. I read a number of books and studied the significant passages in the Bible in the original Aramaic, Hebrew and Greek. What I found set me free and also angered me. It seems that a number of passages in the Bible have been mistranslated, misinterpreted, and sometimes even twisted to justify a predetermined, prejudiced point of view. A view that supports the belief that any non-heterosexual relationship is evil, sinful and immoral. At best this is unforgivingly poor scholarship. At worst this is an outright lie. I can tell you that nowhere does the Bible condemn same-sex relationships as we know them...why? Simply because same-sex relationships as we know them did not even exist at the time the Old and New Testament were written. If you would like more detailed information about this I can provide it for you...just let me know.

    So my point here is that the guilt and shame that caused so much self-hate in my life has no foundation at all. I was told that every LGBTQ individual had made a choice to be that way because they were filled with lust. I was told that all of us were going to hell. IT.IS.A.LIE. I am made in the image of God. God made me the way I am. I am as I was meant to be and never, ever need to be ashamed of who I am. Learning that what I had been told for so long was completely false, made me very angry for a while...but understanding that there was no justification at all for me to feel that guilt set me free. Now that I know there is no reason at all to feel that guilt, I am completely free of it...it's gone!

    I so hope that what I have written here will help you to understand that you can be rid of those guilty feelings. I hope that you will be able to feel emotionally attracted to men, to anyone...without any kind of guilt! I hope that you can be who you truly are without any kind of hesitation...we don't need to be fixed because WE.ARE.NOT.BROKEN!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  4. Rdougall1

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    Hi David!

    I can already feel some relief inside of me but I would love to hear the information you have on the Bible because I think that would really help. It helps to know someone who has been in the same situation as I have. I am still spiritual but I sometimes feel guilty praying because it feels like God is not listening. I think your information would help me develop my spirituality more and help me understand better. Thank you for your time!

    Rory
     
  5. quebec

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    Rory.....I answered a question recently that contains pretty much the same information that you are asking about. So I'll quote it here. If you have any specific questions after you go through this just hit me up on my profile page and I'll get back to you soonest!

    Rory.....I do so hope that this will help!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
    #5 quebec, May 24, 2018
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  6. Earthborn

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    Guilt is a damn little monster, whispering in our heads. It comes from traumas and learning, especially as a child, it's the result of people telling you should be ashamed, or you deducting of doing so from the values people have passed you. Guilt is essentially a damn trap.

    I'm not religious in the "traditional" sense, I'm more rationally religious (is that a thing? :grin:), and I'm not christian. People made religions and people make errors. You are suffering because of people's intrinsic stupidity. The Bible, that I've read all for 9 times, and studied with my high school professor who was also a biblist for 3 years, was formed in thousand of years of writing and telling, and biases, and mispelling, and traductions, and even inventions.

    If it makes you feel better recently the Pope, here in Italy, from where i'm writing, said to a gay man:“You have to be happy with who you are. God made you this way and loves you this way, and the pope loves you this way.”

    As for the Bible, quebec gave you an important glimmer on it, but there are countless other sources you could search.

    This said the point is that we don't do things for the reasons we shouldn't do them, we have always simple, practical reasons for what we have in our lives. When we suffer we loose focus of situations. We all know that simptoms feel awful, but what's the cause of pain?
     
  7. quebec

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    Rory....Hello again! @Earthborn said:

    He is correct, there are countless other sources. What I sent to you is a good starting point. I'm pretty sure that, with what I sent, you can get a basic understanding of what the Bible actually says about homosexuality....nothing at all! If you want to dig deeper, Mel White wrote a great book titled "The Stranger at the Gate". Check it out! :old_smile:
    ....David :gay_pride_flag: