problems with reading successful coming out stories

so, the title is really long because i didnt know what to name it, but basically, i come across successful coming out stories on accident or out of curiosity of what could have happened, some quick backround, my parents went through my phone and found out i was trans, my dad says the devil is in my head and my mom is really iffy about it because she doesnt want a divorce and money is tight and all, back to the topic, i wasnt able to come out willingly when i felt the time was right, and whenever i read one of these stories, i read them cause i want to feel good for the person and feel how they felt in their shoes, but, in the end, i put down my phone, remember who i am and the place im in, and realize, i cant have that, i never will, and i get so depressed. i dont know what to do, i just wish i could either be able to go back and do it when i felt it was time or i could have just been born correctly. i cant have the experiences normal girls have growing up, and i cant have the experiences parent supported mtf girls have growing up and transitioning. but wishing doesnt help, i just imagine being like either of those and then go back to knowing how it really is, i just, i dont know how to get over this feeling of never being able to come out by using my own strength...

 

im sorry about what happened with you... i wish you the best of luck. so, i understand what youre saying, i want to feel that way, but for some reason, i cant, there are people in my school who are my friends and i see them progressing greatly in their transitioning, like, one of them completely looks and sounds like a cis male, and im really proud of them, but i look at how im still just sitting here, moving nowhere, and my happiness for them turns to envy, and i dont want to feel lilke that, but it just happens, i cant stop it and dont know how to start moving somewhere that i wont feel this way...