Okay so a little back story here: I had been dating this girl for almost 3 years when she asked me to marry her. I said yes. Things were going fine for about 5 or 6 months, I thought we were happy together. Then out of the blue she tells me that although she loves me she isn't in love with me. She says it's because I have mental health issues and I'm not open enough with her about them. She wants me to open up more and talk with her. I agreed even though it caused me severe anxiety. I start telling her about the goings on in my head that definitely would not be considered mentally healthy. About 2 weeks later she dumps me saying I lied to her about who I am as a person and that I made up someone for her to love. She says she wants to be friends. We went out as friends once, it was literally the most awkward thing I've ever taken part of in my whole life. I'm never doing that again. Then I started talking to someone else and we ended entering into a relationship together. But I feel like I still haven't gotten my closure because of my own unwillingness to say what I have to say. I know it will upset her, but I feel like I need to say it if I want to properly move on. I even had a dream last night where I said the things that I need to get off of my chest to her. Dream-her cried. I have no doubt real-her will also cry. What should I do?
If the official end of the relationship didn't bring you any closure, then I doubt unburdening your thoughts on your ex - whom you aren't comfortable being friends with - will bring you that closure either. The best closure you will ever get is when you give yourself permission to let go of what has happened in this past relationship. It sounds like you were in a very long and very deep relationship with this person - you didn't get to the point of being together for over three years and being engaged without developing some attachments to each other. It will take time for these attachments to unwind, and in most cases being in another relationship doesn't help speed that process along. What do you do for yourself? Any hobbies, interests, activities you like to do, places you like to go, simply for your own benefit? If not, do you think you could try to find some, and establish some new personal routines in your life?
As it stands I mostly just work and sleep. I don't really have the spoons for much else on a daily basis. It has definitely gotten easier in the 5 months we've been broken up, but I would like to get to the point where I'm comfortable being friends with her. When you end a 3 year long relationship with someone you're engaged to, you don't just lose a fiancée. You also lose you're best friend. I have no intentions of ever hetting back together with her. I just want to get closure over our break up.
