Since coming out as a trans man I've had a lot of people suggest I date women, or think it's impossible that I wouldn't naturally be bisexual because I'm trans. I've tried to explain that my slight interest in women I had before was really an interest in playing the role of a man in a relationship. I've only ever been in sexual relationships with men, but all this suggestion and pressure to be "normal" makes me feel bad about myself. Then I feel confused like maybe I could be attracted to women if I tried hard enough, maybe it wasn't just the gender euphoria of masculinity when I dated women, maybe I only didn't want to be with women before transitioning because I thought it was wrong, but I just can't picture myself being happy in a relationship with a woman. Has anyone else gone through this?
Welcome! I, myself, and genderqueer AMAB and bisexual, though, I am not actively dating or in a relationship. I feel myself more physically attracted to women while more emotionally attracted to men. In general regardless of gender identity society pressures people to commit to either men or women. I'm currently reading a book called "Ask A Queer Chick" (aimed as lesbians) that has a chapter on bisexuality, the societal pressures faced by bisexuals to commit to either men or women. Never let other people pressure you into being something or someone that you are not. I've said to myself on multiple occasions "F--- society's 'rules'". I also highly recommend you check out Jackson Bird on YouTube. He is a bisexual trans man who has a few videos about being bisexual (most of his videos are about being trans or making random foods into waffles).
I have only really dated men despite my emotional attraction to women. I sometimes wondered if it was wrong of me to say I like women as much as men because I've never had a girlfriend, but I've since past that and now I don't feel bad about it. I know who I'm attracted to and that's that. So please, don't let people dictate who you should be attracted to! It's your sexuality and you have every right to defend it.
There's the idea of compulsory heterosexuality, which is that in order to be widely accepted by society, being heterosexual is the requirement. Contrapoints recently made an interesting video on this, talking about how, despite only ever dating women before she transitioned, she felt pressured to date men. Being straight is basically seen as an affirmation of ones gender, and she argues that this causes many trans people to feel pressured into straight relationships. If you have the time, give it a watch!
I feel like the motivation behind people wanting me to date women is that me being queer and trans is too much, but if I were straight and trans it would be easier for them to accept. I'm not sure if me not wanting to be with women is a psychological block or just how my orientation works. I was seeing a genderqueer person for a bit, amab she/her. I really liked her a lot but she wanted something more casual and I wanted something more serious so it wasn't working out. Point being, I'm attracted to more than just men but I don't like that people want me to be with women for the sake of me being more palatable. Also, I haven't seen much Jackson Bird I'll have to check him out. And thanks for the response!
