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Post a Joke

Discussion in 'Fun and Games' started by ghostly, Dec 28, 2016.

  1. ghostly

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    I thought it would be fun to make a thread where people can post jokes/anecdotes/puns.

    Here's one:

    Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

    Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

    "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

    Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."

    "What does that tell you?"

    Watson pondered for a minute.

    "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
    Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
    Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
    Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
    What does it tell you, Holmes?"

    Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
     
  2. CROSSY ROAD

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    Why did the chicken cross the road?
    (your response)
    Knock knock? (whose there?)
    The chicken.
     
  3. ARC36

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    Why did Susie fall off the swing?
    ...
    Because she had no arms.
    *buh dum tis*


    I am a sick sick person.
     
  4. CROSSY ROAD

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    thus Sayers the crazy uncle

    ---------- Post added 28th Dec 2016 at 01:45 PM ----------

    *sayeth
     
  5. Gengars

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    I got one that I saw just the other day. Eh-hem...

    A women goes into a pet shop and sees a beautiful looking parrot. She checks the price tag on the cage to see a 50$ price tag.

    "Why so cheap?" She asks a store worker.

    "I'll be honest with you lady, this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and it sometimes says some pretty nasty things." The worker says.

    The women considers this, but decides she has to have the bird anyway. She brings it home and hangs the cage up in the living room and waits for the bird to speak. The bird surveys the room for a bit.

    "New house, new madam." The bird says.

    The women is suprised by this, but decides that it isn't so bad. Later that day, her teenage daughters come home from school. The bird looks at them and says:

    "New house, new madam, new girls."

    Despite being a little disturbed, the three laugh it off and continue about their day. Later, the woman's husband Kieth comes home from work.

    "Hi Kieth!" Says the bird.
     
  6. Mattw03

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    Knock-knock.
    Who's there?
    Not Susie.
     
  7. Snow

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    Two Elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”
     
  8. Gunsmoke

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    Oh god.

    Disclaimer: my Mum told me this joke, I'm not accepting responsibility for it.


    Q: What's the bare minimum?

    A: One bear.

    ---------- Post added 30th Dec 2016 at 06:19 PM ----------

    My Mother, at least, thinks it's hilarious.
     
  9. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    In an old Western town, the sheriff is doing his rounds to make sure that all is well in his town. On his rounds, he sees a cowboy with his hat tilted, leaning against the pole in front of the saloon, chewing on a blade of grass, with his horse standing beside him.

    The sheriff decided to walk up to the cowboy to ask him if everything's okay. The cowboy looks up and greets the sheriff, who is swatting flies away from his face. The sheriff mumbles to himself, "These darn flies are so annoying"

    The cowboy overhears this, and says to the sheriff, "We call 'em circle flies"
    The sheriff curiously asks him why they are called circle flies.

    "Well," the cowboy responds, "they usually circle around a horse's ass"

    The sheriff, clearly upset, asks the cowboy, "Are you callin' me a horse's ass?!"

    The cowboy, very amused, answers him, "Not at all sheriff...but you can't fool them flies"