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{POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING?] Very confused???

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by questione, May 30, 2017.

  1. questione

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    Hi, so I kind of made this account just to ask this. I've been questioning if I'm transgender (FtM) for a year I think, I can't remember if I have for a year of some months, I've been so obsessed with it and distracted by it. (I'm 17, of course I'm confused af), but I still don't know if am or not. It's difficult, scary, weird, confusing, everything. :confused: All I know is I've been wishing I had male parts instead of my female parts, as having sex as a girl sounds weird/terrifying/unpleasant/uncomfortable/unapealling/<other negative words>. I've been worried I'm jut being a "transtrender" or a "special snowflake" (I hate both of these terms). I know, only I know who/what I am, and doubts are okay.

    Beside that point, my sexuality if I'm trans really confuses me. Kind of. I know I'd be gay, but I've been thinking that if I had a penis, I'd be okay with letting girls/AFABs/other genders (I'm sorry if these words or phrasing seems offensive, I don't know how else to put it) suck and stroke it....like not just,"I'll try this to see if I like it", but I'd probably always be willing to do that....I feel very disturbed typing this out :icon_redf

    Basically, I'm okay with sexual activity with anyone as long as I don't have to see or touch a vagina. I really don't think I'm/I'd be bi or pan. Is bi-curious the word for this? Can homoflexible be used for that too, or is that homophobic or am I using that wrong, because it means sometimes being attracted to a sex/gender that you're not usually attracted to, but I'm never attracted to girls/vaginas (still don't know how to word this, I'm sorry:icon_redf). I can recognize girls as pretty, and know why people are attracted to them, but I really don't think I am.

    Sometimes I'm afraid I'm just a straight girl romanticizing being a gay guy or a guy in general. These are all just weird sexual fantasies anyway, so I don't know what I'd feel like irl. I don't know anymore if I'm trans, a cis girl that wants a penis,gray-sexual and feel like I'm normal because of it, or i I'm just afraid of sex.:confused: I might have a crush on a guy friend of mine who's gay, so that makes feeling fake even worse. A lot of bad things happened around this person, so I'm kind of afraid I'm trying to be a better version of him, or like I want to be a guy so I can be with him, but when I really think about it, it just..doesn't feel right. I feel like I legitimately wish I was male, or at least had a penis I guess, but that really makes my questioning feel wrong. I feel like it's wrong to question my gender too, feeling ashamed to wish I was male so much now instead of what I was born as.


    :help::help::help:

    And I'm sorry, I post this in the sexuality forum, and it has both gender and sexuality related stuff in it ^^; I always go on a stupid rant when I type things like this.

    ---------- Post added 30th May 2017 at 02:19 PM ----------

    EDIT I kinda just thought about: I think maybe I'd be willing to date anyone regardless of gender just to try it?? Really I'd do sexual things with anyone when I'm old enough (unless I already am, but I'm not very social and not all obsessed with being a virgin like a lot of kids my age would be,so that's not happening time soon)as long as I didn't have to see or touch a vagina......and if I had a penis. And only if I had a penis :/

    ---------- Post added 30th May 2017 at 02:20 PM ----------

    Yes, I know that dating doesn't mean sex, since romance and sex are different things.

    ---------- Post added 30th May 2017 at 02:23 PM ----------

    sex as in intercourse
     
    #1 questione, May 30, 2017
    Last edited by a moderator: May 30, 2017
  2. questione

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    Actually outercourse in this case
     
  3. Myclosetisfull

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    I don't even know. I think you might be trans and might just be terrified. After you decide which is true (idk how) you will probably want to experiment regardless of which you decided.
     
  4. questione

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    so i came back here because i regret posting this since i think it makes me look creepy or weird or something. i was overthinking when i posted this thing, but i see that i can't delete it. idk why i obsessed over a label like that so much. i felt selfish for only being attracted to males (specifically if i'm a trans guy weirdly enough) because i know what it's like to (vaguely) like someone you can't have because of their orientation.
     
  5. beenthrdonetht

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    Don't feel too bad about your ranting. How would we know how you feel unless you told us? The sort of stuff you mention is the sort of stuff that we all think about around here. Most penis-owners would love to have other people appreciate them. It sounds like you'd be OK playing with someone else's, but you're not all that happy with your own equipment. I'd keep talking it out if I were you. Make longer posts. Try the Gender Identity forum. You are not so weird and alone.
     
  6. questione

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    yeah, i just feel weird now for typing this stuff, heh. I really regret that i posted this, it embarrasses me and maybe i was just overthinking things and not thinking realistically.
     
  7. beenthrdonetht

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    It's just more grist for our mill, and anyway we don't know who you are. You are just a bunch of symptoms, or posts. Totally interesting ones, I hope you can come to some place you like to be. If you are in school, some counselors (stress "some") are very experienced at discussing these things. Alas, some on the other hand will be totally weirded out and not know what to say. But.. people here are ready to help. Keep posting.