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Positive and reasonably confident

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by hexamum, Nov 9, 2016.

  1. hexamum

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    I was feeling pretty low yesterday. Not because of anything major, just because I am sooooo missing the human contact.
    Husband has not been near me in months. He even sidesteps in the hallway. If I was to ask for or suggest any kind of affection, he would mistake it for a sexual come-on, and presume all was well and dandy. And it would negate all the distance I have seemingly travelled these past few months.
    Regardless of my sexuality, I still need that contact, and it's rough knowing it's right there, and I can't have it.
    Even when things were 'normal' between us, kisses/cuddles we always a *GO* sign for sex as far as he was concerned. There was no such thing as a snuggle and snog session. It always meant more. *sigh*

    I don't know if he just wants to keep the peace, or what, but no comment has been made about my wedding ring coming off. (I took it off because I caught it and minorly cut my finger, so I took it off in case my finger swelled. That was weeks and weeks ago)

    That aside, I am feeling pretty confident with my new found 'clear-headed-ness'. It crosses my mind often during the day. I wear a rainbow bracelet/band around my wrist, and so when I see it, it reminds me of my journey and makes me smile. :slight_smile:

    I have been chatting to a woman online. We haven't met yet. We have so many things in common, it's actually scary. She's in a similar situation to me also. So we can empathise with each other.
    One thing it's given me is clarity. :icon_bigg:icon_bigg
    It's helped me verify in my own head things that I already know.
    - I am talking to 'someone' and feel no guilt. Not good on the marriage front, regardless of sexual orientation.
    - She gives me immense butterflies. Again, not good on the marriage side...but also getting rid of any small niggles I had as to whether my questioning was a mechanism to get out of a failing relationship.
    - My questioning is not just a sexual need. I have connected with her on an emotional one too.

    I am also in the process of finding accommodation away from this house.
    I can't wait to begin my life. A life with no lies. Where I am not fitting in some box I feel I need to be in.
    Now I just need to climb the mountain that's in the way :confused:

    I apologise for waffling. Just needed to get it all down.

    (&&&)(&&&)(&&&)
     
  2. hexamum

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    Coffee date with said woman is tomorrow. I'm absolutely petrified!!! But so excited!! Lol!!
     
  3. stretching

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    Hugs!! Hope you have a great coffee date. And all the best as you climb your mountain! One foot in front of the other!
     
  4. baristajedi

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    Gender Pronoun:
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    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Have a great date!!

    I can relate to what you're saying about your husband. That's the way things were for me for the longest time as well.
     
  5. Landgirl

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    Me too!