Hi There’s a lot written about how porn is not an indicator of sexual attraction, what do people think? I’ve never watched straight porn but I grew up in an era where porn was all softcore (I remember the first time I saw hardcore porn I was just astonished; I didn’t even realise it could exist). I remember looking at men in their boxers, and women in their nightwear in the catalogues that my mum would get. Never once thought ‘is this normal? Am I gay? Am I bisexual?’ My first crush was on Boy George. I enjoyed looking at pictures of Terrence Trent D’Arby in music magazines. I have a distinctive recollection of looking at beautiful women in magazines and only seeing their flaws. Like Kate Bush. She was attractive but I didn’t fancy her. I recall my friends talking about how attractive our female maths teacher was. I hadn’t noticed. When I started working at 18 a friend mentioned that a new colleague was really nice. I said ‘you mean nice to talk to?’ He said, ‘No, I meant she’s attractive’. I hadn’t noticed. But I did fall hard for a girl in sixth form who completely failed to show any interest in me! I quickly fell in love with lesbian porn. I was about 20 when I first saw hardcore gay porn (I’d seen some softcore gay porn - the most pointless category ever) on a trip to Amsterdam. I found it weird and I felt guilty watching it. But I was excited that I’d done it. When the internet arrived several years later I was only interested in three types of porn: lesbian, trans, gay. In no particular order, and varying depending on my taste at the time. I even recall not watching gay porn on my new computer as I didn’t want to ‘contaminate’ it. I was very homophonic. Fast forward to now; I dropped trans as an interest some years ago, perhaps because of seeing the struggles trans people have being accepted and not wanting to exploit them. Now it’s all lesbian and gay - the more real the better. Amateur is best. I feel I could live my life without ever seeing another woman in a porn film. I definitely could not cope without ever seeing another man. So I’ve been on a bit of a porn journey. Anyone else feel this way?
Yep, always checked out both male and female underwear sections of my mum's catalogue. I had a friend whose parents allowed him access to porn magazines from a young age and I was always disappointed by the absence of men in them. When I first saw porn films, I realised I spent at least as much time, if not more time focussing on the men. I always thought it was the novelty of it. When I discovered internet porn, I rarely watched straight porn with the excuse that I didn't like how it objectifies women, when really it was that I prefer watching the men. I think the reality is that women in porn are rarely the sort of women I'm attracted to and I've never been interested in lesbian porn, so it's always gay porn for me. I agree that amateur is best and I'm always more interested in more realistic bodily proportions as otherwise it's just well hung men showing off.
This question has come up on topics in this forum a lot and the overall consensus in here too has always been that it is not an indication of ones sexual orientation. I don't see a reason to question or challenge this notion.
I worked in a shop that sold porn magazines when I was in sixth form. Whilst I would sometimes look at the straight ones I used to enjoy the gay ones more. It was a time when you were only allowed to show men in a state of ‘non-arousal’ so it was basically guys with their kit off! However, at the back of the magazine there were pictures that readers sent in of themselves. Not adult stuff just ‘this is me and my mates having a drink’ or whatever. In one there was a picture of a group of men in a gay club, and one of the men was gorgeous. I remember thinking ‘oh my god, is that the sort of men you’d see in a gay club?’ I looked at that picture a lot! On another page there were adverts for videos you could order. They showed the front covers, which were again all soft core stuff. However, one showed two men, naked, kissing. It was really small on the page but it was the most erotic thing I’d ever seen. Yet still I never once thought ‘am I gay?’ or even ‘am I bisexual?’ Genuinely, I was totally convinced that my crush on a girl in my class meant I was straight.
Yes I went through the similar process of thinking I was straight to watching lesbian, trans then gay porn. The more I watched such porn the greater my gay desires became. So much so that I first tried a trans escort (born female no Adams apple, had breasts but all the male genitalia). I had sex with her in a sense of saying "Well I'll get it out of my system" but it only seems to have fed my desire for more gay sex. But that's how sexual desires work in the brain. When you engage in your desires the brain rewards you by releasing endorphins and hormones, this creates a cycle of pleasure that encourages a person to look for more. To the point where I started having relationships with feminine men I met through social media and now happily I identify as gay. I think you are struggling and possibly trying to reject your gay desires. You sound possibly bi, I would say you will continue to watch porn (which I still do) until the desire becomes so strong that you give into it to "cross the line". How you react after that is entirely down to you, but if it's the start of accepting you are bi or gay good luck to you.
I’m definitely bi at least, but thinking that I may be gay. It’s not just the porn thing. It’s interesting, when I thought I was straight I was looking at / thinking about gay sex on the side. I desired it and had a few experiences. Then I admitted many years later I was bi. Still felt desperate for gay sex despite being married (never actually strayed). Now I think I may be gay the desire for gay sex on the side has almost gone away and been replaced by a desire to love a gay lifestyle. That’s something I can’t do ‘on the side’ so I’m not tempted by going with guys. But so much of me wants to come out as gay, even though I’m not 100% sure I am.
haha... Freudian slip? On a more serious note though, have you ever thought or phrased living as heterosexual as a "lifestyle?" i know some cringe, or are down right offended, when people refer to being gay as a "lifestyle?" It doesn't bother me, but i can see the point where some are maybe triggered by the suggestion or implication that sexual orientation is a choice vs a state of being. That phrase was used a lot with me by religious folk who asserted i just needed to "repent, that we are all born straight and that anything that departs from their ideas of heterosexuality is an aberrant choice. I'd proffer that want to live as true to your self, and that your desire to "come out" is really just an acknowledgment and affirmation of who you are and how you feel. I wonder that your fears of acknowledging and affirming that you are gay (i.e. "coming out") are a conditioned response by conditions that asserted your whole life that you are hetero. If from the day you were born and experienced life, it had always been presented to you that sexuality is on a spectrum, do you think you ever would have 'come out' as heterosexual?
I’m pretty sure if I’d have grown up in an environment where being anything other than straight was seen as an option I’d have realised as a child that I was not straight. So no, I’d not have come out as heterosexual. Instead I had loads of reasons to realise that my thoughts / feelings for the same sex were valid. What I’m still not sure about is whether my feelings for the opposite sex are valid, or just me following convention.
Definitely some confusion but it's in kind of a nice way. I like straight porn but think of myself in the woman's place. I do watch gay porn also, but probably not so much and lesbian porn has always been a feature, although I'm not sure why. I'm too mature now to be concerned about my taste so I take it as it comes on the day.
i may have missed it, but i cannot see here if you have ever actually been with a guy sexually? Or, exercised your idea of a "gay lifestyle." For instance, know there are guys who have never had sex with a guy, but still identify as gay. So, what would "coming out as gay" mean to you individually? If sex is part of it, which it seems to me it would be? Since you watch porn, to me you are imagining having sex with a guy, so i wonder, have you ever actually had any of the sex you imagine as part of "the gay lifestyle?" To me, watching porn can be sort of like eating cake vicariously. But if one has never actually eaten cake, they really don't know if they will like it till they try it? And, through trying cake, one may discover they do like cake, but not all cake. They may love chocolate cake, but not lemon cake. But i question whether one can truly determine if they want to live the cake eating lifestyle without trying cake? Can porn be sort of like trying to have your cake and eat it too?
Yes, I’ve had sex with a number of guys. More than I have women in fact, but the women I have had sex with have all been LTRs and the men have all been hookups. I’ve never had sex with the same guy twice although I really enjoyed several of the encounters.
This made me laugh out loud as it is pretty much the analogy I used when coming out to my wife recently to help reassure her that I have no intention of seeking out other experiences. I said that I like the look of cake, I have fantasies about eating cake, and have had dreams about eating cake, but I've lived my life until now without having eaten any. Therefore, I don't want to ruin things by taking a bite, only to discover that I don't even like the taste of cake. I can enjoy the window shopping anyway.
The French phrase for window shopping (lèche-vitrine), literally translates as "window licking," which is a lot more sensual, eh? So, maybe you are French? If i were betting, i'd place my money on you liking the taste of cake vs not. The first time i had sex with a guy, it sealed it for me that i am gay... well, sort of. i separated from my then wife as a result. But it wasn't so clean or easy as that. my few gay experiences after that left me conflicted because they did not have other relational elements i had come to expect emotionally as part of having sex. i still had not managed to resolve religious notions that were reinforced by my gay experiences, there was some guilt. It's a long story, but bottom line was i ended up getting back with my wife after a few months separation thinking i had gotten it out of my system. For me, apparently, it only took one bite of ...cake, to affirm that i am gay. It took me much longer to accept the fact because there were other factors that were also real and important. i loved my wife, i had a good life in many ways, but the repression and suppression was also torturing me and i eventually ended up single and identifying as gay, which for me is simply living honestly. Gone are idealistic fairy tale notions of how being gay plays out, but it's still honest for me.
I find sex scenes in movies very hot, I love the chemistry and the passion. Sometimes actually porn is filmed that way too and that's the only thing that really works for me. But when I see the actual pornographic bits, its a bit mindblowing! Almost too much. But then I have never had sex so I have no idea what it would be like in real life.
I resonate with this so much!!! Looking back, even as a preteen sneaking and watching old porn vhs tapes I remember wanting to feel what the woman was having done to her, especially the finale. And I never once thought anything about it, but I have had a cum fetish for as long as I remember so it's all starting to make more sense
I prefer watching oral straight porn and like you imagine myself in the place of the woman. I was trying to figure out why I preferred it to gay oral. And I I think the I like the femine sensual way women give oral to men
ChrisUK: You’ve shared an insightful and deeply personal reflection on your journey, and I think many people who explore their sexuality or question societal norms about attraction can resonate with parts of what you’ve written. Your post touches on a few significant themes—how media and societal messages shape our sense of attraction, how guilt and shame can accompany self-discovery, and how our preferences can evolve over time. To answer your opening question about whether porn is an indicator of sexual attraction: it's complicated. For some people, I think porn preferences align closely with their sexual orientation or fantasies, while for others, they reflect curiosity, exploration, or even a way to process internalized feelings or societal taboos. In your case, it sounds like porn was both a lens through which you explored attraction and a tool for self-reflection. Your story also highlights how attraction can manifest differently. For example, you noticed men and admired their appearance in media early on but didn’t necessarily frame it as attraction at the time. On the other hand, with women, there seems to have been a lack of that same innate pull, which you came to understand better over time. What strikes me most about your journey is how honest and open you are about the shifts in your preferences and feelings. It’s clear you’ve come to terms with parts of yourself that may have once been confusing or uncomfortable, and that’s something to be proud of. It’s also interesting that you reflect on how social awareness—like not wanting to exploit trans struggles—has shaped your preferences. That speaks to a thoughtful and empathetic side of your personality, I think. To answer your final question: yes, I think that many people experience this kind of evolution in their preferences and identity. For some, it's a linear journey, while for others, it’s cyclical or nonlinear. It’s not uncommon to shift interests, question societal norms, or even redefine what "attraction" means for yourself as you grow and change. Thank you for sharing this. I imagine your openness will encourage others in the forum to reflect on their own experiences and perhaps feel less alone in their journeys!
