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Polygamy opinions

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Brandiac, Jan 12, 2015.

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What do you think about Polygamy?

Poll closed Feb 12, 2015.
  1. I accept it entirely, no probs.

    50 vote(s)
    39.7%
  2. I'm ok with it, but only in certain cases.

    21 vote(s)
    16.7%
  3. I'm neutral on this issue.

    18 vote(s)
    14.3%
  4. I generally disagree with it.

    23 vote(s)
    18.3%
  5. I think it's a disgrace and very destructive.

    9 vote(s)
    7.1%
  6. I don't care enough to have an opinion.

    5 vote(s)
    4.0%
  1. biAnnika

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    I strongly feel that [1] and [4] apply every bit as much to monogamous couples. But I do not argue against people forming monogamous relationships.

    I also find that the analog of [3] applies in monogamous couples: if one person is insecure, they'll feel excluded whenever the other person engages in a close interpersonal relationship with another person. That is a dynamic that applies to insecure people; not to poly relationships. But I do not argue against insecure people forming relationships at all.

    It seems to me that [2] is hearsay. Are there studies of poly couples that have found that over 50% eventually become monogamous between two of the people? Or are people actually just arguing what they feel would likely happen to *them*?

    It seems to me that if someone in a poly relationship gets genuinely excluded, it would be because there *was* less compatibility between them than between/among the others. When this happens in a monogamous relationship (bad compatibility with "the others"), the result is a divorce or break-up...this does happen in over 50% of marriages (at least in the US)...but again, I don't hear people blaming monogamy for it...they blame the incompatibility.

    But on [5], I respect your limitations (and I don't mean that in a negative way...we *all* operate under the constraints of our own limitations), and your open-mindedness. It is important to recognize what kinds of relationships don't work for us, because we are who we are; as opposed to generically censuring things that don't/can't work for us. Many straight people who would deny gay rights do it precisely because gay relationships could never work for them...and they have a hard time recognizing that this is all that's wrong with it.
     
  2. RemakeJake

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    I personally would never, ever participate in polygamy or an open relationship, and I don't necessarily agree with it, but who am I to judge?
     
  3. howsit

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    I think it's counter-intuitive and destructive for the species. We have come this far evolutionarily due to the historical definition of a family unit. The time it takes for the offspring to leave the familial unit is tied to the amount of skills and adaptations needed to be taught by the parents; it is most of the reason why the average age of "leaving the nest," marriage and child-rearing have steadily risen through the history of human civilization. Monogamy is an integral part of this structure.

    You can make a parallel with Penguins. Penguins generally have life partners (some even gay), and it's generally accepted that this monogamy was developed as an evolutionary adaptation for survival in the harsh Antarctic climate. Essentially, one parent must constantly incubate the egg, while the other hunts for food, leaving the partner/egg for months at a time. These endeavors require a massive deal of trust, and over time, more experienced partners get a better system of child-rearing, and therefore have a higher offspring survival rate. The biggest thing though, is the fact that they are group animals, but pair themselves off as life partners. This equal one-to-one ratio ensures each penguin will receive just enough, benefiting the whole species' chance of proliferation.

    I think this applies perfectly to humans, but the Antarctic might be replaced with a technologically-advanced urban jungle: reading comprehension, computer literacy, job literacy, other education, ability to travel, financial competence/budgeting etc. are all basic skills/competencies required for survival. Polygamy undermines the equilibrium in a species that comes with an exclusive relationship, and more closely resembles pack mentality, where there is often significant dysfunction and violent competition for mates.

    Not that I'm opposed to some competition.
     
  4. PatrickUK

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    It's not a subject I have considered at any length or in detail, so I voted neutral. Really, who am I to judge what mature and consenting adults decide to do with their lives and relationships?
     
  5. jay777

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    I would beg to differ very heavily.

    In settings where children are raised not only by two people but by a unit they have the chance to pick up much more diversified behaviour.
    I would also presume they are likely to pick up more social skills. Especially if being raised with a few other children.


    (*hug*)
     
  6. Black Raven

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    Just so MUCH no.
    You trampling on a delicate and sensitive matter here, and you're borderline offensive with your disregard of anything the side you're obviously not on has had to say.

    Have you read ANYTHING that has been posted to point out, argue and prove the circumstances and advantages of polyamorous relationships, or did you just pop in here and left your opinion without any consideration for what has been said so far?

    Jay777 countered your argument rather nicely, I must say.

    Counter-intuitive... maybe for you, for me and many others it's very much intuitive.
    And destructive? Not limiting yourself is destructive? What the actual fuck?
     
    #66 Black Raven, Jan 14, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2015
  7. alex3191

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    I'm neutral on the subject, if it works for other people then good for them but I'm strictly monogamous.
     
  8. jay777

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    Thats what I try . :slight_smile:
     
  9. Linthras

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    I accept it entirely. That is, I have no problems with it, but me personally, I don't know whether I am or could be polyamorous.
     
  10. howsit

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    I also fail to understand how co-dependency to the highest degree (e.g. polyamory) is any more or less insecure than a jealous monogamous relationship. To say it's a limitation (in the mental sense of the word) to be capable of delayed gratification and to repress hedonistic desires (I.e the superego) is kinda whack. If anybody is lacking pre-frontal cortical development/evolution, it isn't monogamous people haaa.
     
  11. biAnnika

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    Hmmm, please explain in what sense polyamory constitutes "co-dependency to the highest degree". But you'll have to break it down for me a bit, since I don't even see it as necessarily entailing co-dependency *at all*. I'm sure it exists in some poly relationships, just as I know (having seen it firsthand) co-dependency exists in many monogamous relationships. I don't see it as related to either "lifestyle", but to certain kinds of humans generally (neither more nor less in poly humans than to monogamous humans).

    But "the highest degree"? Really? Given your extreme expression and your seeming lack of understanding (e.g., equating polyamory with inability to delay gratification or to restrain hedonistic desires) and your puerile argument tactics (basically argument by silly insult), I wonder if you actually have real thoughts about this, or are you just trying to be a jerk?
     
  12. JayWalker

    JayWalker Guest

    I'm under the accept it entirely point. Mostly because it's what I am. I see what you're getting at with keeping people happy, and adding another person to the relationship to keep everyone happy.
    But that's not the only reason we're this way. I feel like we just have more love to give, to more people who deserve it from us. When I first discovered it, I surprised myself by thinking of it as an almost normal thing.
    I'm glad mostly everyone here is open to it, because to me, it seems as normal as someone not being straight.
     
  13. hondalove

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    Now I think most people when they hear the word polygamy they picture a man with multiple wives like that crazy show "sister wives" but it doesn't necessarily have to be that way. Polygamous from what I've learned could be three or more people that are equally in love with each other within that relationship. I see nothing wrong with this. I'm not saying sister wives is wrong either because to each their own. But he is one man married to multiple women and even though they know of each other and spend time together.. he is still in a separate relationship with each one. When if it was just a triangle couple per say they all love each other equally mentally physically in every way possible..I think that is beautiful and shows strength loyalty love and respect.
     
  14. CyberScream

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    Haven't given much thought. So I chose neutral. If all parties in the relationship are happy... then good. If I ever happen to land in that situation, I would be paranoid as hell. Not knowing. Now, if there was a love triangle thing going going on and all parties remained faithful, then great. No problem. But that is in my own little fantasy world... in reality... I probably wouldn't think of it.
     
  15. Burnedcloset

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    So many words. So many opinions.
    I think if your able to handle it. Why not give it a try. It might be great for you....it could be not so great.
    It depends on the person.
    If you don't like it, some others might.

    I say, try everything at least once.lol (A few exceptions to this rule are needed though :slight_smile:)


    My opinion is all that matters anyway! :3
    JK
     
    #75 Burnedcloset, Jan 16, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2015
  16. Black Raven

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    Wait, didn't you start a different thread on this topic once?...
     
  17. Burnedcloset

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    sure did. I think it's a very interesting topic.

    I replied to this thread already to. I wanted to get in on this to though! :3
     
  18. Jellal

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    I'm all for people who want that kinda thing. Go for it!
     
  19. Lipstick Leuger

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    I support it. I personally don't see how this has anything to do with how stable a relationship is, I don't believe that this will cause the decline of society, that is harms kids, etc. All the things people try to say it will cause. These are adults making private decisions.

    If children are involved, it's not like it's a problem for them, they have several Mothers or Fathers, adults to talk to, bounce problems off of, adults around to keep them out of trouble, and see as family. This is most likely a great type of relationship to raise kids in because there are so many possible adults to help guide them. It does take a village actually. Up until recently Grands lived with their kids, and in other cultures, families all live together, just when someone got married or retired, another wing was added to have them live in. I have a friend from the Philippeans and he said everyone just lives together so the kids can hardly ever get away with anything! LOL So, that pretty much kills that argument.

    So, people just don't understand it. I myself attempted to have two open/poly relationship, but they didn't work out for me. I am happy in my monogamous relationship, and even though I am open minded and not opposed to another floating in and out very occasionally, my wife is not of that mind, so we don't.

    ---------- Post added 16th Jan 2015 at 05:35 PM ----------

    And this is why it works for you. If you are open and honest, then there are no misunderstandings. This is how a healthy poly relationship should work. The issue with my two tries is even though I was honest at all times, others were not. If you are not ready to talk and act like an honest and open adult at all times, and many are not, then poly relationships will NOT work for you.
     
  20. resu

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    Ideally, there should be no state support for special marriage perks because that says being married is somehow more desirable than being unmarried. It's inherently a judgment call.