Polygamy opinions

People should be able to do whatever they want as long as they dont hurt others and in polygamy case, the partner should obviously know.

 

Not really my thing, But if it works for other people then more power to them.

 

I saw a TV show, showing polygamy people living VERY happily with it. straight couples, i should add.. this can work to some people, and to some it can't

 

For the record, even though I have an issue with it, it is a free world. I would never vote against outlawing it.

 

I disagree with it.
Chip basically said what I wanted to say, but I'll say it anyway: it requires a really special kind of personality for all people involved. I believe that's a rarity, and most of the time two of the three people will form a stronger bond, and eventually exclude the third. Or if one of the participants is a bit insecure, he/she will feel excluded when for example the other two have sex/cuddle/whatever, and eventually leave them.
In most cases it will be a hotbed of hard feelings, jealousy, even hatred. I would never be able to do it, I just can't separate my love into equal parts. My love is for one person only.
But if some people are capable of being poly-amorous without these problems, then I'm happy for them.

 

Lyana pretty much said all the things I was thinking. I chose the fully accept option, because 1. I'd totally be down for a poly relationship 2. Even if I wasn't, there's so many examples of happy consensual poly couples(?) that it would go against my morals to say that it's a bad thing, or a "disgrace", which is very harsh wording, by the way

I don't want this to turn into a rant, so I'll just say: if everyone's having a fun, jolly old time in a caring relationship, how can we say it's wrong?

 

I would tend to disagree.

If you have a look at it, factually you have a lot of polyamourous situations, with or without consent. (not advocating without consent, of course)
Quite a few people in relationships seem to have a further person.
So it seems its not that rare.
I would think if people are honest, there would be quite a few thinking it over.


I would agree that it takes effort and understanding to keep it working.

But the same is true for other partnerships.

 

You have to word these polls very tightly. I think you end up with people who vote that they disagree because they would not want it for themselves, but are OK if other people do it. The wording of the poll should specify which approach..."in general/for others" or "for self."

 

neautral. people can do what they want, as long as everyone involved is okay with it.

 

As long as all the foundations of a healthy relationship are there, equality, trust, consent ect.

 

To me poly-amorous relationships seem to use the new addition as a toy if it involves all three parties, and if it's something on the side for an individual it's too much like cheating. For some couples it works, but I can see disastrous results from it. I wouldn't want it. There are few turnoffs as huge as being told by someone you're attracted to that they are in an open committed relationship. I want to be the steak not the side of mashed potatoes, but that's me. Just in terms of group dynamics three is a lousy number.

 

Provided all participants consent (legitimately, without being forced into it), no problem at all with it.

 

You have done nothing wrong (*hug*)
And its ok to rethink .

Its an interesting subject and it gave many people the opportunity to think about it.

 

I voted "I accept it entirely, no probs." As long as it's safe.

 

Chip, as much as I value your posts and input in almost every discussion, I'm going to have to disagree with you here.

Not only in theory, there is living proof of that they can work, and beautifully so. My partners and I are proof of that as well. You might think that all the problems in monogamous relationships are amplified, but that's not entirely true:
Being in love and that close and intimate with more than one person gives you the ability to ALWAYS have someone to turn to, even if there are some misunderstandings or fights with one person - This actually dramatically increases the ability to cope with and solve frustrating problems and difficulties. Not to mention that there will be three or more people in ONE relationship working on solving that problem. With your usual married couple, the only people you can turn to when you're in a stalemate are friends and family, and those don't have the in-depth understanding of your relationship a third or even fourth partner would have.

I'm sorry, but I can't say this often enough: True poly relationships are NOT for people with strong insecurities, or those who are afraid of intimate emotional connections.

Once again, this is the issue of you apparently looking at all the failed relationships, mostly because the wrong people were convinced poly can work for them. Polyamorous is NOT for people who just want to be able to shag everyone they see. It's for people who require the freedom to love who they love and feel what they feel. Every partner in such a relationship is special, every single one of MY partners is a very important piece of the puzzle: I have an incredibly beautiful connection on a soul and intellectual level with one, there is unconditioned and joyful love with the other, and there is playful intimacy and insane compatibility regarding all things sexual and body language with the third. There is no ranking. They are ALL important. They are ALL special. And I love all of them very dearly.

I disagree. Ultimately, polyamorous relationships are and should be formed by people who require the freedom to love who they love and just feel what they feel. You'd be surprised by how many of us that can feel genuine love and affection for multiple are out there. And -I- don't have any difficulty with deep, emotionally intimate connection, or commitment, and neither do any of my three partners. I -commit- to every single one of them, and I'm very emotionally intimate with all of them. You need MORE love for a poly relationship to work, not LESS.

You are basing all of your arguments on the fact that too many people who aren't truly wired to be poly want or try to be. It's a bit like a gay person trying to be in a relationship with women. I am completely convinced that being -truly- able to love more than one person at a time is wired in our heads (or not) just like our orientation is - Only that society is trying to teach us that monogamy is the way to go even more than it tries to imply that "straight" is the way to go.

We can't objectively look at true polyamorous relationships when you are trying to use failed relationships and people who aren't really capable of such a relationship as main argument for why it's unlikely to work.

And I honestly wonder where you get all that data from, I know you love data - Or if it's all really just your own experience and that of those you spoke to.

There is no better or worse - One suits one kind of person, the other a different kind.
While it's harder to find people that are compatible with true polyamorous relationships, it's not as impossible or rare as you make it out to be. Let's keep in mind that being gay or lesbian (at times even bi) makes it much harder to find a proper partner as well - And I dare to say on a much grander scale.

We need to get rid of the cliché view of polyamorous relationships that fail 99% of the time. They're NOT proper polyamorous relationships. They're relationships that failed due to people who don't work that way trying regardless.

There is enough proof for how actual polyamorous relationships can work out just fine when you're willing to look - There is just a whole lot of genuine love required to make it work.

I'm afraid too many of you are looking at it from the perspective of strictly monogamous persons - And can't truly understand what polyamorous is REALLY about.

Then it's not for you, you don't work that way, and you shouldn't let anyone talk you into it for the sake of their happiness - Yours has to come first, always.

 

I am perfectly happy co-existing with my boyfriends other lovelies, We all know about eachother and I cant wait to meet them when the time comes.

The only issue with polygamy is the lack of understanding from people. Just because a relationship wouldnt work for you doesnt mean it wont work for someone else and it certainly doesnt give you the right to stop them from persuing happiness.

(Within reason)

(Within reason, like....it should be legal and stuff)

(unless its a stupid law)

(like the ones stopping same sex marriages)

(or polygamy)

(god the world is f****d)

 

I agree. This is what I was alluding to: the state of being married or in a union that is somewhat sealed. I'd also extend that to being in an exclusive relationship.

If you have a casual BF or GF, or a FWB, then this question isn't even relevant. Shag whoever you want.

The question becomes if you're married, in a union, or in a committed relationship, and both parties decide to open it up, how much will it open, how many new partners or flings will they have, and, if this is the usual practice in someone's situation, what's the shelf life of those relationships? The point of deep relationships is that it should take some fairly drastic to cause them to be jettisoned.

If the situation is like paragraph 2, then do what you want. The key words are casual relationship.

---------- Post added 13th Jan 2015 at 12:45 PM ----------

Neither would I. And you really couldn't legislate that sort of thing, either.

---------- Post added 13th Jan 2015 at 12:48 PM ----------

1. If I got to committed status, neither would I. Nor would I myself want to be doing anything more than "reading the menu" every now and then.

2. Ditto.

3. So am I.

4. I'm a little less so if the person is single or in a casual type relationship.

 

I myself would never do it but if it works for others than knock yourselves out
I'm way to selfish and just the thought of sharing someone i love with someone else turns me into the Hulk

 

I selected "I accept it entirely, no probs."

For me, personally I do not know if I could be in a relationship with multiple other men. However, I cannot say the idea does not hold some appeal to me. I do not place the same high level of value on monogamy as society does--in fact, I place very little on sexual monogamy.

Perhaps my personal downfall when it comes to polygamy is my absolute insistence on complete and total loyalty to me. Not some type of sexual loyalty, but the knowledge that no matter what happens we have each others backs. I am the type of person that expects my husband to do whatever it takes to defend me--even when he knows I am wrong or guilty as hell. We may disagree, but we never show that face to the public. We always show a united front, to prevent people from outside of the relationship attempting to undermine it by digging into any cracks.

This type of unshakable loyalty feels problematic in a relationship with multiple people. At some level, my gut tells me there has to be some type of hierarchy if we were made to choose. Unless I was at the top of the hierarchy for EVERYONE in the relationship (in other words--they would all choose me over each other), then I would likely feel insecure within the relationship.

Another thing that sets me apart from most other people is that, when I think of marriage, emotional "love" means less to me than many other qualities. To me love is just warm emotional fuzzies. You can get them from a whole host of people. Just because you are in a relationship with someone does not mean you will never develop crushes or sexual desires for other people. For me a marriage is built upon the foundation of loyalty, honesty, trust, shared values, shared dreams/ambitions, and the ability to offer value to the other person in areas in which they are weak. Love is just the icing on that cake. It is something that can come and go to varying degrees with time. You may start out having a deep and passionate crush on someone, but it does not mean those feelings will last like that forever. Those intense feelings will eventually fade. In many ways, I believe love is actually built in the same way strong friendships are built.

I usually look at people who go, "OMG! I am in love with him/her! We are going to get married!" as foolish. I do not believe love alone is enough to build and maintain a relationship--particularly because love is a fickle emotion. Your feelings for people can change over time, growing stronger or weaker. Your commitments to them and the things you build together do not have to follow that pattern.

When I think of love, I simply think of it as an annoying chemical cocktail in the brain. It distracts me from the things that are really important. It is possible to fall in love with a whole range of people. However, that does not mean you can or should actually build a life with them based off that fact alone.

I think saying all of the above has officially made me the least romantic person on EC.