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Polygamy opinions

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Brandiac, Jan 12, 2015.

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What do you think about Polygamy?

Poll closed Feb 12, 2015.
  1. I accept it entirely, no probs.

    50 vote(s)
    39.7%
  2. I'm ok with it, but only in certain cases.

    21 vote(s)
    16.7%
  3. I'm neutral on this issue.

    18 vote(s)
    14.3%
  4. I generally disagree with it.

    23 vote(s)
    18.3%
  5. I think it's a disgrace and very destructive.

    9 vote(s)
    7.1%
  6. I don't care enough to have an opinion.

    5 vote(s)
    4.0%
  1. Brandiac

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    Ok, I've been waiting for some time to ask you people about this. Recently it's been brought to my attention a lot and I thought I should make up my mind about this phenomenon and its possible positives, negatives, to conceive what the powers that be named an opinion.

    I had never heard of polygamy until just a few years ago, and I found the concept weird of course. Everyone's used to monogamy obviously, and although I wouldn't encourage it myself, I can see why it could have benefits in some situations.
    But to start things off, I still have no idea how it's supposed to work if you're talking about straight people, it obviously can't be whatever it is intended to be because sexuality conflicts would emerge.

    Now if it's LGBT folk, it is a lot more imaginable from the point of sexuality. But what could bring three people (because that's what my limited imagination dictates) to live together and do whatever? I think the application is for times when a monogamous relationship is in danger because one side starts developing feelings to another, BUT still loves who they're together with. It wouldn't have to end with a broken heart (or worse) every time if everyone involved were open to the idea of making it three. This is the not-as possible version, because two of them might not even know eachother when this idea is proposed.

    But if they knew eachother from the start and started having feelings simultaneously without everybody knowing about everything, it wouldn't have to come down to decisions about who gets to have their heart broken, while the other two drift off to the heavens all happy and smiling.

    So all in all, I think it's not something desirable by default, but not a concept you should throw away 100%. Minimize human suffering, and maximize human happiness. If measures like this have to be taken to achieve that, then who's to say it couldn't work, even if it's heavily dependant on human nature, envy, jealousy and respect in this case I presume.
    I'm not ever going to want this personally and if it's up to me, noone will have to face this because of me. That's a big nono. But if I'm confronted with a situation where my partner, if I'll ever have one, is struggling to decide, I might pop the idea, or ultimately give up on my position because I'd value their happiness more than mine. I would not start a rampage thinking he doesn't love me anymore.
    If I'm being cheated on however, it IS a one-way ticket outside of my heart and home forever. No second chances.

    So what is you opinion on all of this? Do you think polygamy is completely acceptable, or only in certain cases? Or perhaps you think anyone even contemplating this should die in a hole? Well, grab your keyboards! And whatever you click to vote with.
     
  2. LibertyValance

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    I selected "I'm ok with it, but only in certain cases." not because I don't support it but because I feel like "I accept it entirely, no probs." is not descriptive of my view of polygamy itself. For me personally I could never do it, not in a million years, I know other people like the idea, but it is not something appealing to me. I definitely think people should have the right to engage in romantic relationships with more than two people, its just not something I would ever want for myself as I find the idea uncomfortable from a personal perspective.
     
  3. Sapphy

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    I feel it is a case of to each their own. It's not for me as I'm a very faithful person and require my partner to be also, but I'm sure it works well for others and I have no problem with it at all providing both parties know the relationship is polygamous.
     
  4. Black Raven

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    Where is the "I practice and indulge in it" option?
     
  5. Lyana

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    I voted "accept it entirely, no probs."

    I'm talking, of course, about consensual polyamory. The word polygamy brings to mind one man with multiple, often submissive wives, in a very unequal relationship. But I have nothing against polyamory.

    Actually, I see disagreeing with polyamory on the same level as disagreeing with homosexuality. I know someone who considers themselves poly, in that they are capable of being in love with more than one person at a time, and I believe them and accept it the same way I'd accept someone who told me they could fall in love with someone of the same gender. Although I do think it must be hard on them sometimes, in our monogamist world.

    I don't know whether I could have multiple partners myself; I'm very introverted and love my alone time. But who knows, maybe! I wouldn't be opposed to my significant other having someone else in their life, so long as they were in love with both of us. At least, in theory I wouldn't be against it.
     
  6. ChameleonSoul

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    I'm neutral on the whole polygamy issue. It doesn't matter to me what other do in their private life as long as everyone involved is fine with it.
     
  7. Brandiac

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    Yeah, I knew I should've added more options the moment I opened the thread.
    Yes Lyana, I probably was talking about polyamory then. Just goes to show how informed I am. Keeping separate lovers, I find unacceptable. If those involved in a polyamoric relationship are happier than if they were with monogamy, I'm fine with it. And also, being fine with it doesn't mean I would do it. I just see no logical reason why you should hurt those practicing it if it's for their own good. It's like hating people for whatever they fap to (except for child porn or whatever). It doesn't affect you.

    It's an interesting line I draw between what I'm fine with and what I absolutely condemn.
    Polyamory is incomparable to something absolutely hurtful like rape, bestiality, or pedophilia. These are all one-sided, non-consentual acts and they have a victim. The will of the attacker is forced upon them.

    Black Raven, like I mentioned, sorry about that. I wasn't sure how people would react to the thread in the first place. As I said, in your case I see nothing to hate about it. I hope it's a fulfilling thing to you all :slight_smile:
     
  8. Black Raven

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    I'll be so bold as to quote myself from a different thread to clarify my attidue:

    I currently love and am entangled with three people, and maybe a fourth will be added to the round in a bit.
     
  9. Incognito10

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    I support the right of people to make responsible decisions for their own life. Just because I don't ever see myself in a poly relationship, doesn't mean I would make a general statement regarding others abilities to lead a happy and successful life in a poly arrangement.
     
    #9 Incognito10, Jan 12, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2015
  10. Brandiac

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    I could raise just as many points on your side and against it, but I probably do not understand the entire situation and every single detail of this, and nor should I because it's none of my business. The "giving love to those who deserve it" things sounds credible, I'm not sure if this is a graph with the dots connected to one another though, that's what I mean by saying it's none of my business.

    At first I thought this thread would be a good idea to spark a discussion, but now I'm suddenly worried about being unintentionally offensive...
    But I still think regardless, that it's stupid to compare any FORM (that's the key word here) of poly whatever to what I mentioned in my last post.
    I might consider having the thread deleted if it turns into something offensive.
    According to you you're not doing whatever you're doing out of selfishness and just so you can F more, so I don't want to be an asshole to you.
     
  11. Black Raven

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    Err... this IS a community where we can have discussions.
    If I wasn't comfortable with discussing the topic, I wouldn't have posted.

    You can raise as many points on my side or against it as you like, and we can debate all night, it will be rather hard to offend me, and if you do, I'll let you know.

    This is your topic, it's about polygamy, so it's very much your business if you want to discuss it.

    Don't worry so much. (*hug*)

    That is correct. While I love sex, I detest the "harem" idea of horrible men just being "poly" so they can have more girls, but get all mad when those girls have more partners of their own. Disgusting double standards.

    That's not being poly, that's being a greedy cunt who cares only about getting as many women as they can, and not about how all the individuals of the relationship are feeling.

    I have love or strong affection for ALL I'm involved with, and they ALL know who I am, how I work, and that there are others. Everybody is in the know, and I've been incredibly lucky to have found so many beautiful souls that are just fine with that, and the way I am.

    I have an insane amount of love and affection to give and share, so no one feels neglected, and you couldn't be any more open, blunt and honest about being bi and poly than I am. Everybody who might get involved with me knows, even if I'm just trying to pick up a cute lad/lass at the local pub, they'll know before I take them home.

    I'm a free bird. Let me fly and I'll make you happy, try to put me in a cage and I'll die.
     
    #11 Black Raven, Jan 12, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 12, 2015
  12. Chiroptera

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    I selected "I accept it entirely, no probs." I wouldn't feel confortable in a non-monogamous relationship, but it's not up to me to judge those who feel confortable in this type of relationship.

    It's none of my business what other people do, as long as they aren't hurting anybody. No one is being hurt in a consensual poly relationship, so it's ok to me.
     
  13. resu

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    I don't think it should be legalized because it will open a huge can of worms on who gets what, but I don't my polyamory (people having multiple partners).
     
  14. Black Raven

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    Oh come the fuck on, why wouldn't you legalise it?
    Errr... isn't it actually legal? What is illegal about it?

    I'm confused.
     
  15. RedDev84

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    Polygamy for me seems to be completely personal preference and I have a belief that one doesn't choose their desires to be polygamous or monogamous.
    I'm personally very monogamous, to the point when I'm in love with someone I completely lose interest in everyone else. I didn't decide that - I genuinely just suddenly 'realised it'.

    I actually incorrectly voted "I generally disagree with it", since I don't think my strong monogamous feelings (along with other things regarding my personality) would match with me not being the only person involved in the relationship.

    But since we're talking about acceptance of polygamy (I think?), My correct vote would have been "I accept it entirely, no probs"., I completely understand how some people have preferences for it.
     
  16. Black Raven

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    I feel that is a very reasonable take on it, 'specially coming from a monogamous person, so thank you for that. :slight_smile:
     
  17. Notlad

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    I'm neutral, but I would NEVER do it.

    I'm too selfish for all of that.
     
  18. Aussie792

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    I think he means polygamous marriage. Though I do disagree. Monogamous marriage can be quite unhealthy, too, so I don't really see a massive problem. And even monogamous marriages with a lot of children and a bad no will (especially if there's a lot of money involve) tend to be incredibly messy upon someone's death.

    Family lawyers deal with extremely complex cases in divorce, inheritance and other related things. Bringing in new ways to deal with expanded marriages should be within their abilities. The real problem would be intestate deaths within such marriages, but it's not as if the family courts are going to be flooded with impossible cases (intestate monogamous marriages, as I mentioned, can be quite tricky as it is simply because of other relatives) or solicitors are going to be hanging themselves over adding one or two extra people to marital status in a will.

    I don't think the division of property is an insurmountable issue in marriages of three or more. If anything, more care might be taken than with monogamous couples because there's the more obvious threat of its becoming too tangled.

    --

    My own interest in monogamy is like my interest in literature. Sure, I may never want to touch what you read, but is it really my business to tell you to only read what I do?
     
  19. wannahavechange

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    I can neither confirm nor deny that. But I've always liked the idea of being in a love triangle. I guess I'm a one "man" man. someday marriage is on the menu for this guy