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Pointing out/exposing other closeted people?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by RD Spencer, Oct 8, 2020.

  1. RD Spencer

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    What is the general consensus among LGBT on pointing out/exposing other closeted people?

    Someone I knew in the past would do this on a regular basis. It didn’t matter if they were some random stranger, an acquaintance or one of our friends. She would just point them out and tell everyone that they were gay or a lesbian. She eventually come out as a lesbian herself, but the calling out of others continued. She seemed to pick up on other people’s sexuality well so I think she was probably right most of the time. Either way this never sat well with me so I wanted some insight on this.
     
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  2. HM03

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    If you're in a position of power or authority and one way or another are ruining the lives of other LGBT, then I see no problem with outing.

    While one closeted LGBT kid bullying another in school isn't nice, I still think it would be ratty to out them. I'm talking about closeted people in politics passing shite laws, conversion therapy leaders etc. they deserve to be outted imho.

    Long story story, I think what your friend does/did is ratty.
     
    #2 HM03, Oct 8, 2020
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2020
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  3. RD Spencer

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    We were young adults then and it was just regular people she was talking about.

    When I found out she was gay I figure it was her way of dealing with her own feelings about her sexuality, but it seemed like she kept doing it for a long time after she come out.
     
  4. Hawk

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    A person may have suspicions that another person is LGBT, but to out that person to anyone, whether it's a friend, family member, or coworker, I don't believe is right. If a person is closeted, that's their right to come out when they're ready, not anyone else's. Also, said person doesn't know if their family or close circle is homophobic or transphobic, if word gets out that they're LGBT could lead to a dangerous situation.
     
  5. QuietPeace

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    Outing people is heinous
     
  6. Ram90

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    It isn't very nice to out people, whether you know them or not. Since your friend wasn't privy to the personal life, their problems and circumstances (if any) it was utterly irresponsible and despicable (Apologies for the strong words, but I have been forcibly outed before, so I understand how it feels) of them to do so. It isn't anyone's business to out anyone else.
     
  7. Joelle b

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    IT'S NOT OK. you can ask them to their face privately or tell them you know, but outing someone when you don't know how safe it'll be for them it WRONG.
     
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  8. BiGemini87

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    My opinion is that, unless that person has made their orientation public knowledge already, it's not for anyone else to expose them. Unfortunately, a lot of people are prone to doing this: Some maliciously, but most I think are just ignorant of the fact that it's something of a faux pas.
     
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  9. RD Spencer

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    Sounds like you all feel the same way about it as I do. Guess I am trying to understand the mindset of why someone who is lgbt herself would call out other closeted lgbt people. Curious why she felt the need to do this, but I am no longer in contact with her so there is no opportunity to find out more directly.
     
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  10. LetsGoNow

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    No don't do it. It could get me murdered. Seriously. I know for some people it is fun, but not for me. ;D
     
  11. RD Spencer

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    I know people can be that hostile about sexuality in some places. Sorry you had to be around that.
     
  12. Lin1

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    I pick up on people's sexuality fairly easily and I will ask THEM if they are queer (never in front of anyone) and make it clear I am queer and won't judge if they are, and then I never mention it to anyone else. I find people who out others awful. I ask about people's sexuality because I recognize it's hard to embrace yourself and find a safe space to discuss it so want to open the door for them to know that if they are they have an ally in me.

    Most of my friends know I can pick up on sexualities (I guessed most of theirs) so they will sometimes ask me what I think a specific someone is (sometimes people will ask me about themselves), and I will sometimes indulge in giving a guess but I will always say I don't know for sure (because I don't) and ultimately if they identify as straight for me they ARE straight until they chose to identify differently. If someone told me they are gay I would never mention it and I would absolutely refuse to guess. Coming out is something super personal and nobody should ever be outed without their consent.
     
  13. Spectrum

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    In my personal opinion, I think that it's wrong. Coming out is such a personal journey and nobody has the right to take that journey away from somebody.

    It could have any number of consequences for the person being outed but regardless of that, its really nobody elses business. If the person being outed wanted to come out and/or felt ready to come out, they would do so in their own time and in their own way.
     
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  14. SilentM

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  15. LetsGoNow

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    I have people do it to me at secondary school. People avoided me like a plague. Then there were comments about gays being beaten up, murdered, going to hell and all that. Some people sound so excited too when they talk about it.

    I'm in a very vulnerable situation. I'm gay, but also south Asian. Where I live I face a lot of racism and homophobia in all directions. I'm surprised I'm still alive.

    Even at work people constantly question it and talk about it so loudly. Sometimes I just admit to it just to get them to shut up.