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Poem I wrote just now

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by TrevinMichael, Aug 14, 2017.

  1. TrevinMichael

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    Any Day By Trevin Michael

    The trees are quiet
    the wind is gone
    the sky is cloudy
    and the rain has stopped.

    Just like any day
    I wake and eat breakfast
    making my way through the day
    smiling every now and then

    Each day runs into the next
    as I grow older slowly on this
    giant blue boat I call home
    as it sails through the stars
     
  2. amylase

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    I'm nobody to properly critique writing, but I can say that I like reading the poem, I can feel the mood of it clearly and it's nice and peaceful. Most of the lines seem the same length, maybe if a goal of yours was to make it even more serene or some dreamy/nostalgic mood, then maybe try adding more variation with just single words? I think it slows down the reader nicely if that's the mood you're trying to emphasize.
    If not, oh well, great poem! And congrats on having guts to even post anything you write, I hate just showing my essays to other people... lol
     
  3. Sundara

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    I like that Poem Trevin. I am not English native speaker but your poem is very simple but a lots meaning. I tried to understand and I love poet.
     
    #3 Sundara, Aug 14, 2017
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2017
  4. KenzyBell

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    I love reading and writing poems! Your poem has a great flow and I love the feeling is has to it.
     
    #4 KenzyBell, Aug 14, 2017
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2017
  5. KenzyBell

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    This is one of my favorite poems that I wrote: (hope you like it)

    At Night

    At night
    Things can get bad
    But whatever you do, don’t worry and don’t be sad.
    At night
    The dark can take control of you.
    Even if you don’t want it to.
    At night
    We wonder what will happen the next day.
    And think about the things people say.
    At night
    Some stay up until Sunrise,
    Others just lay there closing their eyes.
    At night
    We try to forget about the hate.
    And realize we can’t just sit around and wait.
    At night
    Daylight seems so far away.
    So we either wait or we pray.
    At night
    Someone’s pillow is filled with tears.
    While another’s mind is filled with fears.
    At night
    We all do different things to help us feel like we’ll all be okay.
    But we all know, without change, it’ll be the same everyday.
     
  6. TrevinMichael

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    It is very good the "at night" is nice gives it a heart beat
     
  7. KenzyBell

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    Thank you. I love that one, it's the best one I've ever written.
     
  8. AbsoluteNerd

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    Both poems are really well written. I felt like I connected more to "At Night" just because of the place I am at right now in my journey. Maybe sometime we could collect all the poetry out there on this site into one place as inspiration for other writers our there
     
  9. KenzyBell

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    That would be awesome!!
     
  10. TrevinMichael

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    i just composed the poem on the spot

    I am a published poet, and well cannot use my published material it would tell others who I am.

    So I am left with writing new ones under my nick name on here.
     
  11. TrevinMichael

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    No matter how it is formatted and I can play around with that it was fun to write it the other day.

    Any Day By Trevin Michael

    The trees
    are quiet
    the wind
    is gone
    the sky
    is cloudy
    and the rain
    has stopped.

    Just like
    any day
    I wake
    and eat
    breakfast
    making my
    way through
    the day
    smiling every
    now and then

    Each day
    runs into
    the next
    as I grow
    older slowly
    on this
    giant blue boat
    I call home
    as it sails
    through the stars
     
  12. Ruby Dragon

    Ruby Dragon Well-Known Member

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    Both poems were good. I applaud both of you for posting something so personal online. I'd post some of my poems but the paranoia won't allow me. I'm always scared that someone will steal it and make it theirs. Maybe some day I will publish it in a book, because then there's proof that it's mine.