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Please help me!

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by I am here, Jun 17, 2017.

  1. Really

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    You don't need to listen to me, either. ;} I'm certainly no expert. I'm just not smitten at the moment so am looking at this from a different point of view. :}
     
  2. silverhalo

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    I bet you can flirt. I never thought I could until I came out and was comfortable with my sexuality and then I couldn't believe what was coming out of my mouth. In the right circumstance of course.
     
  3. I am here

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    I appreciate all the advice! Still have no clue what to do- how unusual

    Rjay- thanks so much, i believe in honesty is the best policy as well but it's bloody scary!

    Really- i totally get where you are coming from, and i certainly don't want to cause her issues or anything, it's just from pure desperation that i was considering telling her, just so she'd back off me a bit. I can't create distance and therefore I'm finding it hard to focus on the girl who does actually want me. I love spending time with her and i feel like I'm completely lying to her because i still have feelings for someone else, someone i can't get away from... i feel like I'm going to be trapped in this cycle until my son leaves and even then i have a feeling that she'll want to cross over to friends outside of school.

    Silverhalo- still not great at flirting with the same sex, I'm just a naturally awkward person hahaha. Maybe it'll come to me?
     
  4. RJay

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    "I am here", I have always considered myself an awkward person too. But all of a sudden, the awkwardness seems to have disappeared. I was always sooooo nervous and unsure of myself around people. Didn't know where to look, what to do with my hands, what to say. But I've really noticed a change in me. And others have noticed too... even people who don't know about my sexuality. As I've been writing about all over this forum, I figured out I was gay in February. V (who I'm madly in love with) is the first new friend I've made since then. Just this evening, while out walking with her, I was noticing how "together" I was! I thought, "wait a second, how is this me?!" Because I always wanted pretty girls to like me sooooo much, and I always felt like such an oaf around them. But with this newfound certainty that I'm gay, I feel like I suddenly know how to act! Cannot believe how much more assured and in control I feel. And yeah, flirting is coming very naturally! I never would have believed it possible.
     
  5. RJay

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    I change my mind. I'm cuter than Alexandra Hedison. Katherine Moennig should play me. LOL. I'm such a narcissist.
     
  6. silverhalo

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    It will definitely come to you trust me.
     
  7. Rana

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    Hi Iamhere,
    Talking about hopeless romantics! Umm, I'm guilty as hell.
    I seriously wish I could play it cool but I can't.
    There's a woman I know who literally makes my heart stop. I swear the first time I saw her I "heard" my heart go "thump."
    We've been texting a lot, which I hate. I wrote a whole thread about how much I hate texting.
    Anyway, I'm in the same boat as RJay and you. Isn't it terrible being in limbo not knowing if your crush is also crushing on you or if it's just friendship? I feel pathetic these days! LOL.

    Ok, moment of truth...to write or not to write the love confessing letter. What do you hope to accomplish? Let's be practical (how unromantic) for a second. If your crush has a partner, then telling her your feelings now might make it weird for her to see you, especially since her partner knows about you. I say don't write just yet. I know it's hard but how about this?...even though it's tough, try to go out and meet some new people, maybe ask someone out on a date...and tell your crush about this. Her reaction might tell you how she feels about you. Look at her facial expressions as you tell her...will she be truly happy for you, or will her words be happy while her face looks hurt? If she only wants friendship, you'll have to deal and move on (easier said than done, I know). But you must know you can indeed have this with someone available. I hope for the best for you. Keep us posted.
    ❤️❤️❤️
     
  8. I am here

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    Oh Rana! I'm so sorry you're in the same boat- welcome to the club! I totally understand feeling pathetic, i do too, i feel like I'm about 15 or something! After i reply here, I'm going to go look for your thread, it sounds very frustrating for you though

    I certainly don't want to make issues for my crush and her partner and about 95% of the time i think she sees me as a friend, a friend who understands her very well and that's why she seeks me out. I mean, i get it, it's rare to find someone who can truly understand your mental health struggles, so i understand why she does it but it's torture none the less.
    Then she does things that make me wonder and i think I'm crazy because she has a partner but then i think well, i had feelings for her while i was with my ex husband so who knows? I try not to dwell on that because I'm sure it's not the case. But some of the things she tells me and the way she treats me.. is it any wonder I'm confused?! Not to mention the special relationship she has with my son, she is often telling me how my family is different, how we just click and we're special.
    She's making it damn near impossible for me to move on.

    Thank you for your reply! I'm eagerly waiting to hear what happens with your crush! I hope the texts turn into something more! ❤❤❤
     
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  9. Rana

    Rana Guest

    Hello Iamhere,

    Any updates? ♥
     
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  10. I am here

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    Hi Rana!

    No updates, i don't see her until tomorrow, which I'm actually dreading.

    Went out with the girl I've been hanging out with last night and had a great time. I really enjoy spending time with her, it's like i can function when i don't have to see my crush but come the end of the week when my son goes to school, it all goes away and all the doubts and feelings come flooding in. I'm onto a good thing with the girl I'm seeing so it's unbelievably frustrating for these feelings to keep seeping in.

    How are things on your end? Thanks for checking in!
     
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  11. Rana

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    Hello Iamhere,

    Things have stalled on my end for a couple days because I've purposely slowed down the constant back and forth banter the was driving me crazy.
    There's nothing worse than feeling like you need to analyze every word or phrase to unearth the mixed signals being sent.
    I just needed a little break for my own sanity. I was getting annoyed, really. It's so tough to not allow myself to contact her, but I'm doing it and finding every reason to distract myself.
     
  12. RJay

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    Hey girls, keep your chins up. This is one hell of a ride, huh?
     
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  13. I am here

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    Rana, i totally understand! The overanalysis is almost as bad as the feelings. I over think every little thing that she says, i say and every tiny conversation we have. Did i sound stupid? What does she mean? Am i reading into things? Etc etc. Painful!
    Good on you for pulling back and protecting yourself, the ball is in her court i suppose.
    I managed to avoid contact this morning at drop off which i was pleased about. If i don't talk to her, I'm fine. Fingers crossed i get through pick up and tomorrow!

    Rjay, it's definitely one hell of a ride all right mind you, i feel like I've reached the point on the ride where you just want to get off because you're starting to feel sick! Haha.
     
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  14. I am here

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    Update. I avoided her this afternoon but as i was leaving i was talking to the office lady and her room is right next to there. She was laughing at stuff i was saying to the office lady and like talking to me through her window. I didn't hang around, just sort of laughed and waved goodbye.

    It felt like she wanted me to go in to see her. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but she just kept making eye contact and smiling at me. I'm fairly certain i was super awkward and now I'm freaking out that i seemed stupid, but i really didn't want to go in, despite how happy she seemed. Ugh i don't know. I'm so over this.
     
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  15. silverhalo

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    Hey I'm sorry for your situation it's a really tough one and I wish I had some helpful advice for you.
     
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  16. dirtyshirt84

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    I am here...just wanted to say I feel your pain. I have had a crush on a lesbian coworker (I'm married, she's has a partner). I've thought about telling her how I feel (I'm pretty sure she has some idea), we are friends and sometimes I'm sure she has some feelings for me too but she is in the process of making some serious commitments to her partner so what can I do... I feel like I go round in circles a lot. I've also tried distancing myself and it just makes me feel like a complete bitch tbh, I just can't do it. I also really value her friendship so don't want to risk losing that. So...stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't have any advice unfortunately other that I think these things get better with time.
     
  17. I am here

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    It seems like our situations are both equally painful and frustrating. Being friends with the person is excrutiating, like you, i also value her friendship a lot and i really don't want to lose that side of things, but if the feelings would just kindly piss off I'd be really grateful.
    I'm a bit the same, in the sense that when i distance myself, i feel like a bitch, it's not her fault that i have these feelings, she's only being a good friend. But then i get angry because sometimes i do feel as if she must know and even to a point returns the feelings. Not in a "she loves me and is going to leave her partner" kind of way, but there's something there, an intrigue..something! It's been going on too long now for her to be completely oblivious, she obviously gets something out of it.. and then i think I'm been stupid and I'm totally off base. It's a mind fuck. Excuse the language.

    Do you think you'll tell your co worker eventually? How long have you had feelings for?
    I agree, time is the only thing that's going to change anything, but for me it's been two years and there's no end in sight.

    I hope you're doing ok?
     
  18. dirtyshirt84

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    I don't know if I'll tell her...maybe. If we ever didn't work together anymore I probably would. I'm mindful that doing so has the potential to ruin my working environment and I like my job. I've felt this way for over a year and i felt like I'd been hit by a truck in the beginning. I think I had reached a level of acceptance that she was happy with her partner and it was never going to happen although I still feel as though there is a spark between us. I think she has enjoyed the attention from me, encouraged it even but I have enjoyed it to, and I'm married so not exactly blameless. I do really enjoy spending time with her. At times it has been painful and upsetting and almost like some kind of purgatory but I feel in a much better place now. I agree that it seems unlikely that it hasn't occurred to the woman you like that you might have feelings for her. I think with women sometimes there is such a strong emotional connection as well. Hang in there, it will get better eventually!
     
  19. I am here

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    I completely understand not wanting to say anything because of your job, if it goes badly, it'll make things hard for you at work. I don't think anyone is really to blame in these situations, we can't help who we develop feelings for, married, in a relationship or not. The way you describe the feelings is spot on, getting hit by a truck- yep. You definitely do reach a point of acceptance, i have as well, but if only with said acceptance, the feelings disappeared.

    I feel much the same about the woman i like, she must enjoy the attention and i feel as if she encourages it even by seeking me out. While I'm single now, i was married up until 6 months ago so i think it has definitely amped up the feelings now that I'm available. She definitely enjoys the emotional connection, i know that much, she's pretty much told me so and having that emotional connection will always make it difficult to differentiate feelings and friendship.

    Oh fun times for us, hey?!?
     
  20. dirtyshirt84

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    I think you are right, it's important to remember developing these feelings is no ones fault and just something that happens whether in a relationship or not. Certainly no one would wish for this.

    I've done a lot of over analysing and second guessing of things she has said and done but I suppose you just can't really know what is going on in someone else's head and what they really feel unless they tell you.

    Do you still think you will tell her? Maybe It's possible she does have feelings for you and just isn't going to act on them. Did you tell her about the woman you are dating? Perhaps her reaction to that might provide some clues.

    I hope you feel better soon in any case!