Hi. Sorry for the long post, but I have a lot of things to say. I was wondering if I could have some help with something very confusing: gender. I've been questioning whether or not I'm actually a girl for a while now, and yet it's still so confusing. I find something that I identify with, that works for me, but then a couple days later, I feel like I was just making it all up, and I'm just normal cis girl trying to be a special snowflake. It sucks. Not to mention, I have a rather large chest, but somedays it feel like my chest is heavy and foreign, like I'm stuffed into a body that doest fit me. I think I would like having a binder, but there's really no way to try that without most likely having a long, drawn out, awkward conversation with my parents that I would never be able to take back, which I don't want to do when I'm not even sure who I am myself. Another thing: pronouns. Sometimes I just want to be called "they", but then later I prefer "she" and feel like I'm faking it all. I've noticed that quite a lot of afab non-binary people talk about hating long hair and skirts and dresses, but the way I feel regarding this, again, changes. Somedays I would love a more androgynous style, others I love my longer hair. I love hoodies and sweatshirts, however, a fact that I've attributed to poor self-confidence, which I do struggle with sometimes. Now that I'm putting more thought into it, however, I dont think I'd ever like tight tops, even if I was perfectly in shape. Another thing that causes me a lot of uncertainty is all of the negative opinions and people, even within the community, regarding people who aren't cis, but aren't binary trans. I absorb opinions very easily, and even just stumbling across any of this stuff makes me feel like I'm just a cis girl who wants to be special, but at the same time I feel like that's not it at all. It's like the two sides of my mind are constantly at war with one another, and it makes even just my daily life that much more tiring, with 'I'm not a girl. No, I'm just trying to be a special snowflake. No, thats not r i g h t' going on constant loop in my head. I'm honestly just hoping people reply, this is confusing and it sucks and I know I'm young and I don't need to have it all figured out, but I could really use some advice. Thank you.
Do you have to be one thing or another? Clearly you're in some turmoil right now, which must be horrid for you. It sounds like you're only entertaining two options - cis girl or trans man. What about just deciding that for now, choosing one or the other doesnt matter, and that you can be a bit more femme one day and a bit more masc the next, and that could be ok. It doesnt even need a name. Explore a bit, try different things, don't explain, just do. I've no idea how possible that might be for you, but it's a thought. My main advice is for now don't seek labels, just ask yourself each morning and again each evening "how do i feel?" and dress accordingly. I keep coming back to this other advice - exercise. Swim, walk, whatever you can do, but make it a habit. It's great for quieting an over active mind. And have a hug.
I totally get this. Over the summer I started questioning my own gender. (I'm a biological female) Since then it's been on and off and on and off. Recently I've been feeling more cis again. You see, during that time I was questioning I was convinced that my family would hate me for being LGBT and went into a major depressive episode. Having that feeling only made me feel worse about my body and my identity. When I finally told my parents that I was into girls in December and January, it started relieving itself. Not so long ago from the time of writing this I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and started to get treatment which alleviated a lot of the negativity and confusion about my identity. While I still have not come to a full conclusion about my gender, I did start to wonder if being so depressed and thinking so hard caused my brain to misinterpret some things. If you've gone through such an episode within the past six months or so, maybe this could be happening to you too? Gender sucks, why do we even need labels anyway? Let me tell ya, a label does not define you. If you want to wear a skirt, wear a skirt. If you wanna wear a big hoodie, go for it! Life is so much better when you just don't care. Drink some water, get some rest, and have a snack. If you ever want someone to talk to I will not hesitate to listen. I 100% understand what you're going through.
