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Planning to tell big group of friends. Better in person or over text?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by zxcv6789, Mar 12, 2018.

  1. zxcv6789

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    Hey guys,

    So I'm planning to come out to a big group of friends soon and I'm not sure the best way to do it. We all went to high school together, and now we're all 22 and seniors in college. We're all guys, and we're all masculine and as far as I know all the rest of them are straight. We all go to different schools, but we always see each other on break and have a group text that is used pretty much every day. So in this group chat there are 15 people, and 4 of the kids I'm closest to in the group already know, but the other 10 have no idea.

    So I'm kinda stuck right now because I want to tell them in person, but I also want to tell them all at once. And it's rare that the entire group is together at the same time. And I think I would feel awkward asking everyone to meet up so I could tell them, I'd rather be as casual as possible about it. I really want to tell them all at once though, because I'd rather only have one conversation, and I want to be the one that tells everyone instead of me just telling a couple of the 10 that don't know and have them spread it to the rest of the group. Cause of the 10 that don't know, most of them are there own subgroup of the bigger group, kinda like me and my 4 friends that know are a subgroup. If that makes any sense lol.

    So right now I'm thinking of putting a message in the group chat. That's gonna be kinda tough too though, because we mostly just joke around and poke fun at each other in the chat. I'm afraid if I come out through text, they will think I'm joking or someone took my phone and put that message in there to mess with me or something. I want to somehow put a message in there to let them know I'm serious, but also be casual about it. Im pretty sure that'll they'll be cool with me being gay, they just might a little confused or surprised at first, I think I come off as pretty straight.

    I'm gonna ask my 4 friends in the group that already know if they have any good ideas on how to go about it, but I wanted to see if you guys had any input as well. Thanks as always.
     
    21zephyr likes this.
  2. 21zephyr

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    I think your plan to use a group chat to tell the rest seems reasonable. Obviously you have told the 4 closest to you and they would be able to assist in the group discussion.

    Coming out in person seems like the best option, but I had to text my sister and tell her I was gay because she lives a ways away. It turned out to be a great text conversation and was probably even better than had I talked to her in person.

    At the end of the day people who love you will be supportive regardless of the platform and those who chose to not accept you don’t belong in your life anyway.

    Now, I can give advice, but practicing it in my own situation is a different story
     
  3. LunaMare

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    Maybe you could make a little video and post it in the chat. That way they know it's really you posting this and to make the tone a little lighter, you could joke about how you made a video so they didn't think someone was messing with your phone and that yes... you're being serious. Just a suggestion :slight_smile: good luck
     
    LogicNoSense and 21zephyr like this.
  4. LogicNoSense

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    I agree with Luna on this- sending a video would let your friends know that you're being serious and that yes, it's you. Personally, I don't have very good coming out stories over group chat. I just came out (officially) to my friends about me being genderfluid recently (like, this afternoon) and what usually happens is that they simply ignore the message, so I'm not sure if they took me seriously or not. (I think they did since they already joke about me being too bi and too genderfluid, but it's still nice to have someone ackowledge it.)

    I guess it'll be best to meet them face to face, but since it's difficult, a video, like what Luna suggested, might prove to be helpful. Best of luck!
     
  5. Chip

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    I also support the group chat. Doing it in person could be sort of awkward, as though people are expected to react in some particular way. Doing it via chat (the video is a great idea) gets the message out, lets people respond as they wish, and basically opens the door to further discussion if anyone wants to have it (whether over chat or F2F.)
     
  6. Chierro

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    I also support the group chat idea. Personally, I've always wanted to come out in person rather than over text but I've found text easier because that way even if it's awkward, you don't have to physically deal with the awkwardness (if that makes sense). I think if you do do it through the chat, let the other four guys know ahead of time so they can be prepared to help out, and even before saying it just let everyone know that you have something serious you want to tell them, etc.

    Best of luck :slight_smile:
     
  7. Cassey

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    In person...eye contact is key...you need To know Who accepts you 100%
    Truth is in the eyes....no wondering or Doubting
     
  8. pasinhose

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    Can I ask? Why a group? I get that you want to do it at once so as to leave no doubt but the first time I came out I did it by email. Looking back it seemed impersonal and coming out is anything but impersonal. So let me ask if you come out via video as an example do you know later on who accepts you or doesn't if they never respond and you meet up with them again?
     
  9. Foxfeather

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    You can also tell them one by one. It will get easier with each person. Trust me you'll be fine, man.