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Planning on coming out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by AutumnHyde, Feb 1, 2021.

  1. AutumnHyde

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm trans and I'm closeted to most of my family and friends, and I'm going to start coming out soon. Last year, I had promised myself that I was going to publicly out by the end of this year, and I'm sticking with that promise. In the next month or so, I'm going to start coming out. I plan on being out to everyone in my personal life by April, at the latest. My whole family is fairly left leaning, politically speaking, and most of them are LGBTQ+ accepting. So I'm confident in saying that for the most part it'll go well. The only people who are LGBTQ-phobic are my parents, though it's solely due to their religious beliefs. So I'm not so sure how they'll react, honestly, and I'm really nervous about having to come out to them. And I still live with them, which is part of the reason why I'm so nervous about telling them, I'm already out as bisexual and while my coming out about my sexuality then didn't go well in the moment, it didn't cause any long term issues or result in me being disowned or anything negative. Based off how it went when I came out as bisexual, I know their reactions, while they're more likely to initially lean towards being negative, won't be anything extreme, so despite them being LGTQ-phobic, it's most likely completely safe for me to come out, I might just have to deal with an initial bad reaction for a bit.
     
  2. QuietPeace

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Northern Europe
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I am glad that you have at least some supportive people in your life. The reaction to a child (regardless of how old said child is) transitioning is often more severe than if said child is simply not heterosexual. Given that you are dependent upon them for your housing at the moment you might consider "testing the waters" first by trying to talk to them about public figures who have transitioned and gauge their reactions to that. Work up to actually coming out more slowly and hopefully their reaction will not be too bad. I hope that it does go well for you.
     
  3. quebec

    Moderator Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    AutumnHyde.....Hello and a very big LGBTQ+ welcome to Empty Closets! Coming out can be wonderful and terrible. Occasionally at the same time! The most important two factors in deciding when to come out are:

    *****1) Come out when YOU are ready. Don't let anyone push you into it if you are not at the place where coming out is right for you...not them.

    *****2) Don't come out if there is a real chance that you will be in danger. That includes being kicked out of your house, having no way to support yourself, having all privileges (phone, computer, friends, etc.) taken away, being verbally or emotionally abused as well as the danger of physical abuse. Waiting can be very difficult, but your safety and emotional well-being are more important.

    *****Being out in school is easier now than it used to be...but depending on your school and your relationship with other students, it can be problematic. Try to evaluate these things and see what you seriously think about the results of coming out would be. Sometimes waiting...even when it is so difficult...is the only safe way to come out.

    *****Please don't get into a rush about coming out...you have plenty of time! You might want to consider using a letter WHEN the time comes to tell your parents. There are some great sample coming out letters here on empty closets that could be a big help to you. Even if you don't eventually use the letter, taking the time to think about it and to write one will help you be sure to say what you need to say and leave out the rest! An additional plus to a letter is that you don't have to be present when the letter is read. That can be a big help as it eliminates the potential face-to-face confrontation that can easily go bad. It gives the people reading the letter some time to think before they talk to you. After all, you've had years to think about your sexuality...giving them at least some time to think about it only seems fair as well as getting you out of a potentially difficult, emotion-based conversation! Check the letters out (see below)...they could be a real help!

    *****Also...when you do come out, whether it's tomorrow or 10 years from now, your parents and friends will probably have questions. Take some time now to think about what those questions might be. Such as; "How do you know you're Trans?" or "How long have you felt this way?" etc. The questions themselves will vary a great deal dependent upon your family and friends...so take that into consideration. If you work up a list of ten or so questions with the answers already planned, you will be perceived as a more mature, serious person.

    *****COMING OUT LETTERS: http://emptyclosets.com/home/pages/resources/coming-out-letters.php

    *****Remember...you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! Keep us updated on how things are going for you!

    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
    #3 quebec, Feb 4, 2021
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2021
    Frederik likes this.