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Peter Pan Syndrome or Gender Dysphoria?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by tomboyprettyboy, Nov 15, 2017 at 1:42 AM.

  1. tomboyprettyboy

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    I'm currently 20 but I look 16, I clearly have ephebic traits, everyone in my family looks younger, so I look androgynous because I'm just boyish, well I also have large eyes, high eyebrows, long eyelashes and big lips, so, yeah I also do have feminine traits, anyways my body is still looking ephebic I guess, really skinny, very little muscles, mostly hairless, I like this body type, except for my height (5'9"/10") and my shoulders, they are too broad compared to my small waist, and overall I want to look androgynous, my adam apple is almost absent and my voice is pretty much gender neutral, I get mistaken for a woman a lot of times on the phone, when I was 16 I felt like I began feeling like I was wasting time and I didn'twant to grow up, I was feeling one year behind my actual age, this feeling continued and I bursted out in a late teen crysis as I turned 18, I felt like I wasted my teenage years, I'm still felling like I'm wasting my youth and I don't want to grow up into a deep voiced hairy balding man, I want to stay an androgynous boy. If you read my other threads you'll know I'm also a crossdresser and a crossdreamer since I was 12. Today I was watching a documentary about a late transitioning mtf with a manly voice and I thought "I don't wanna be like that, I don't want that deep manly voice". How would you sum up all of that? Am I feeling like I'm wasting my youth because I'm not living as a girl?
     
  2. SomecallhimTim

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    How did it make you feel when people mistook you for a woman? Did that feel more right to you than being seen as a man? How would you feel if you had a female body and were read consistently as female now? How would you feel about being a 40 year old woman with a female body and is it different than how you feel about the idea of being a 40 year old man? The answers to those questions should help you get a better idea of what's going on.
     
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  3. tomboyprettyboy

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    It felt ok or funny, sometimes awkward when I have to specify I'm male and honestly thought about it as a good thing in case of a transition, I do like to sound delicate. It depends on the kind of woman a drastically curvacious woman with a giant bootie and sagging breast? Not really the best option... Something along the lines of Tilda Swinton? Awesome! A well groomed good looking androgynous/effeminate man like David Bowie? (yes, also in his 40s) Not bad at all, for that age I would like my voice to sound something like Brian Molko in his 20s or something like Yohio, I don't want it to break even more and I like my slim body, I don't want to grow any muscle, fat or body hair and definetly not balding, plus I freaking hate upper chest hair, hella gross, I don't care if they look "handsome" or whatever. I don't want to look like an average man that's for sure, I hate beard stubbles and I don't want to look like a gym freak either
     
    #3 tomboyprettyboy, Nov 15, 2017 at 11:32 AM
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2017 at 11:45 AM
  4. Suomi

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    I have Peter Pan syndrome as well. I'm 27, but look and act like I'm 12 all the time. I have a high voice, and very female emotions and attitudes.

    I'm not necessarily androgynous. I'm just a feminine gay man, and if people think I'm a girl that's fine, that's not my agenda so fuck them. I do wish I were a girl, but I'm not transgender or necessarily have gender dysphoria.

    I just wanted to add this.
     
    #4 Suomi, Nov 15, 2017 at 12:42 PM
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2017 at 12:42 PM
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  5. tomboyprettyboy

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    so are you also effeminate and a crossdreamer? I meant sexually, I have sexual fantasy of being a lesbian woman most of the times, it began when I was 12, the first time I discovered masturbation, like some time after I started crossdressing
     
  6. gravechild

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    I always took it to mean stuck in childhood, ie middle aged gay men who spend all their time partying and not wanting to "grow up"...

    Perhaps you're putting too much stock into your physical characteristics? I mean, we all get old, and the only thing that could stop that is dying. I see seventy year olds getting surgery to look thirty and think, "What's the point?" They're celebrities, though.

    That's different from wanting to transition, though. Almost everyone I know who has done so wishes they had sooner. The ones saying they're just children, this is abuse, etc. are not trans, so have no idea what it's like.
     
  7. Suomi

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    I crossdress for comedy, as I think of myself as an entertainer. I guess as a drag queen in a sense but not really. I don't perform in clubs or bars for tips. It's more for performance art.

    I'm happy to be a man, I'm not transgender.
     
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  8. tomboyprettyboy

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    Got that, good for you
     
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  9. tomboyprettyboy

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    Idk, some people tell me I don't look like I want to grow up and I like looking younger, except when I get hit on by actual kids in their early teens. I really like Dorian Gray and being compared to him. I like my ephebic body and sometimes I miss my teenage years, I know I'm twenty tho, I'm still young, luckly, I'm kinda scared of adulthood and of the future, I have no clue what to do with my life, like I could kill myself before I hit 30... I was just wondering if Peterpan syndrome can go to the exent of not wantingyour body to grow out of teenage/puberty or if this is most likely gender dysphoria, it sucks that I can grow more hair than the last year... I don'teven want to grow a full beard.
     
    #9 tomboyprettyboy, Nov 15, 2017 at 9:20 PM
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2017 at 9:26 PM
  10. gravechild

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    A lot of people are afraid of losing their looks. Some might consider it a from of narcissism or being shallow. Funny, but I knew a young gay male who had much the same thoughts. I think it comes from an inability to accept change, and that we won't always have our strengths. Also doesn't help that gay men and women are judged by their youth from potential partners.

    But nope, I've always associated "Peter Pan Syndrome" with immaturity. You don't seem immature to me. Regarding dysphoria, well, unless you're a pre-teen, you've already been damaged. The earliest transitioners are in their late teens to early twenties, but I think genetics and how far one is willing to go also play a part. I'm on the smaller side, and was gifted with a youthful face, little body hair, etc.

    I was pretty crushed, as a teenager, when my voice dropped and I could no longer "scream". Silly, I know, but a deep voice is something many transfeminine folk admit to hating.
     
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  11. tomboyprettyboy

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    I'm not gay, well, as a male... So I don't really care about judgement, I mean it's really difficult finding a girl as a heterosexual femboy, so... I just have to figure out if I'm more of a feminine male or just a translesbian
     
  12. emerry

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    Yeah. The same but opposite is also true. A heterosexual tomboy isn't an easy thing to be either, when it comes to dating. A large portion of straight men want you to be someone else if they are attracted at all.

    I think your gender questions come down to whether to transition or not, like, hormones and stuff...
     
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  13. gravechild

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    I guess what I would try to do is to talk to as many straight males in het relationships and trans women in lesbian relationships, as well as reading up on the differences between straight and lesbian relationships. See which one you relate to more, and where you'd like to "be" with someone else.

    It isn't full proof, though, as I believe relationships between humans have more in common than not, but it should help guide you. Along with other things, like desire to transition, it should become more clear to you. Does the "androgyne" label feel as if it doesn't fit? There's a lot of pressure for non-binary folk to "pick a side", so keep that in mind, too.
     
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  14. tomboyprettyboy

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    I love tomboys until they cross the ftm line... I actually wanted to be a tomboy, well more like a tomboy femme, a soft butch/hard femme, to put it into lesbian terms, when I was 15, still I'm not a stereotipical manly man anyways... I've read about "faggirls" and male lesbians couples before
     
    #14 tomboyprettyboy, Nov 16, 2017 at 5:46 PM
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  15. tomboyprettyboy

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    It fits perfectly... I just feel uncomfortable being pressured and sometimes I ask myself wheter I'm not actually mtf and hiding it from myself/failing to realize it, since my experiences with "autogynephilia" (mtf crossdreaming) and crossdressing don't seems very cis
     
    #15 tomboyprettyboy, Nov 16, 2017 at 5:49 PM
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  16. gravechild

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    We have to distinguish between expression and gender. You don't say, "I'm a man who likes to cross dress" and seem pretty comfortably trans, or at least not cisgender. What steps you take, when, and how, are entirely up to you.

    Personally, if it weren't so stigmatized, and society less judgmental, I would go out entirely femme some days, the opposite others, and somewhere in-between the rest. I don't feel my gender "shift" like some, as I would still be the same person underneath. It's just that we aren't recognized and few people know what we look like (assume androgyny always means androgyne, and vice versa).

    Sadly, I do think us AMAB folk are pressured to go "all the way" or live as "real men"... this is what's happening with gay men in Iran being forced to live as trans women. Some people are happier living that way, though, so if that's you, it will probably come sooner or later. Why change if you're happy where you are right now?
     
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  17. tomboyprettyboy

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    I'm actually never happy (?) lol but I have other issues, parents and people in general... I don't feel understood, I have a lot of social anxiety, I don't know what I want to do with my life... I'm seeing a psychologist but it's very likely that I just have to move out, to another city (I live in a small one with my parents) to be happier and find myself...
     
    #17 tomboyprettyboy, Nov 16, 2017 at 6:42 PM
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  18. gravechild

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    Too true! It's easy to lose focus and obsess over things like this, when it's only one part of our lives. I've heard stories of folk who expected all their problems to go away after transition, and are disappointed when everything is the same. One of my older trans woman friends said it was the only thing she focused on for years, so when it happened, she didn't know what do do next!
     
  19. emerry

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    You mean the testosterone line? Ha ha, yeah, gender non-conforming folk tend to have more luck with each other than with the normative peeps. This is my experience too. Hey, maybe this could work for you too?
     
  20. tomboyprettyboy

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    I mean the "acting like a man" line I don't know how to explain (?) my ex gf was sort of a tomboy, they go by genderfluid, since I came out as genderfluid to them lol I actually had relationship issues when they acted more masculine