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People are still trying to get used to me being non binary, now I think I'm transgender

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by CharlieLuca, Aug 6, 2021.

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  1. CharlieLuca

    CharlieLuca
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    So yeah like the subject says people are still trying to get used to me being non binary, and I feel like I'm transgender. What am I meant to say? I didn't want my identity to change anymore, not for me- I mean I don't mind- but like some people just don't get it, and I came out as bisexual when I was 13 (I'm 24 now) then 10 years after, I came out as pansexual then a few months after that I came out as non binary, and less than 3 months later I honestly feel like I am transgender and want to transition FtM. But as much as the people I have around me support me and stuff they just don't understand all the terminology and everything and I'm scared to say as well because I don't want people to judge me or get upset with me. I'm not ashamed of embracing this side of me but what i am scared and ashamed of is the judgement and the critism. And I know there will be judgement and critism whichever route I choose but it doesn't mean I'm any less scared.

    Should I just keep going as non binary just so i don't have to worry about what to say and the reactions or should I follow my heart and go with what I want and feel?
     
    #1 CharlieLuca, Aug 6, 2021
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  2. CuriousArticles

    CuriousArticles
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    In the end, you have to be true to yourself. We all find our understanding of ourselves changes as we get older and that is totally okay. What label you ask those around you to use is up to you.

    It sounds like you're having a lot of realisations about yourself over a relatively short space of time. It's okay to change your presentation, pronouns etc without "coming out" and maybe addressing questions as they arise, rather than stating what you are. Talking about how you are feeling might be easier to understand than terminology. In my opinion, that understanding is probably more important.

    Personally, if I was in your situation, I would just start asking those close to me to use male pronouns and say "that's just how I'm feeling at the moment" or similar. I wouldn't rush into a label for those around me. But maybe start having conversations about how presenting as NB has made you feel more masc etc and build up to it. It's not an entirely new topic for your loved ones so they might just pick up on it and ask. Then I don't know your exact situation. If it helps I have a NB friend (AFAB) who had top surgery but still identifies as NB, so coming out as trans isn't essential to start transition convos with your friends and family.

    I'm cis so I apologise if this isn't helpful as I don't know exactly what you are going through, but you shouldn't hide yourself for other people's sake. It'll just make you unhappy.
     
    #2 CuriousArticles, Aug 6, 2021
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  3. CharlieLuca

    CharlieLuca
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    Thank you for your wise words. I really appreciate that. I think you're absolutely right and I know I need to be true to myself. I'm going to try and take a step towards telling people how I feel, that I feel more masculine than femme. Thank you so much.
     
    #3 CharlieLuca, Aug 6, 2021
  4. CharlieLuca

    CharlieLuca
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    Update; so I've told my parents that I feel like I'm more masculine than femme and that the future me I see as a male. I mean I told her over text so it's hard to tell but I think she's cool with it.
     
    #4 CharlieLuca, Aug 6, 2021
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  5. CuriousArticles

    CuriousArticles
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    Well done you!

    I know it's hard not quite knowing how people will react. How you feel today may be different tomorrow (or in 3 months :laughing:), but stay open with the people important to you. It will help them understand(I think), especially in the times it feels more confusing.

    :blue_heart:
     
    #5 CuriousArticles, Aug 6, 2021
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  6. QuietPeace

    QuietPeace
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    The only way to do that is to never be around any people and living on a deserted island, mountain top or in a cave would be pretty boring (not to mention really tough).

    Personally I think it is better for everyone to be our true selves. If that is non-binary that is fine (I have know a number of non-binary people who also identify as trans even without any medical transition). If you really feel that you are male and that you should transition I think that it is better to do so, I wish that I had never allowed people in my life to force me back into the closet.
     
    #6 QuietPeace, Aug 7, 2021
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  7. CharlieLuca

    CharlieLuca
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    Th

    Thank you so much.
     
    #7 CharlieLuca, Aug 7, 2021
  8. CharlieLuca

    CharlieLuca
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    Thank you.

    And I'm sorry you feel like people forced you back in the closet, that is so not cool.
    I don't get why everyone just can't live freely and in unity you know, it's so unfair. Anyways if you ever need to talk, I'm here for you.
     
    #8 CharlieLuca, Aug 7, 2021
  9. Jakebusman

    Jakebusman
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    Hi I'm Non Binary if you ever wanna talk
     
    #9 Jakebusman, Aug 8, 2021
  10. CharlieLuca

    CharlieLuca
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    Hi Jake. Thank you. Same goes to you.
     
    #10 CharlieLuca, Aug 9, 2021
  11. Ingvermama

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    Wow, this is great to hear. You should be very proud of yourself for doing this. I’m proud of you! Future Charlie will be pleased you did this. :blush::gay_pride_flag:
     
    #11 Ingvermama, Aug 14, 2021
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  12. CharlieLuca

    CharlieLuca
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    :heart::heart::blush:
     
    #12 CharlieLuca, Aug 15, 2021
  13. quebec

    quebec
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    Charlie.....We only get one life to live. How do you want to live it? What do you want to see yourself as in say, five years from now? If you really do transition medically it will take close to that long for everything to be done. Ok...sometimes quicker than that...but you've got to plan for some time to arrange for testosterone and for it to have its full effect. Then top surgery and perhaps bottom surgery. I'm not trying to discourage you. I'm actually trying to encourage you...I just want you to realize that what you're looking at is a BIG decision. There is a youtuber named Alex Bertie. He is FtM and has completed his transition. He made videos from before he started anything when he was quite young all the way until now. Watching those would give you a really good idea of what he went through and therefore what you would have to go through. He even wrote a book about it! Check him out and do some really serious homework about what it would take to transition where you live (costs, insurance, etc.). I wish you all the best and please keep us in the loop as you go through this...we want to help in anyway that we can!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
    #13 quebec, Sep 28, 2021
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