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Part agender?

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Spot, Dec 16, 2015.

  1. Spot

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    Well, I've had dysphoria (more social than physical) since I was somewhere around 6-8 or at least that's as early as I can remember. I'm AFAB and I started identifying as FTM only this year after lots of questioning. Now I might have to start questioning again because I feel like maybe I'm a little bit agender. I feel only a little uncomfortable identifying as male though most of the time I'm fine. I am almost completely certain that I will go on testosterone because sometimes I feel like I want a genderless body and have a tiny bit of dysphoria, it's not a very strong feeling so I'll probably go ahead with FTM transition. It feels like this: male is my primary gender and agender is like a secondary gender (even though agender means "no gender" :confused:) so if for whatever reason I wasn't able to be male, I'd be agender. I'm comfortable with my name and male pronouns but sometimes I'd sort of like to experiment with a unisex name and neutral pronouns. You can probably tell from reading this that I'm really unsure about all of this :slight_smile: I don't really know what I should do, I didn't feel like this when I was a kid but I knew that I wanted to have a male body then, this genderless feeling only started recently and I'm not sure why. Is it possible that this could be a phase for me? Obviously, there are people who are actually agender but I had similar thoughts before where for a little while I wanted to be female, that went away and it turned out that I just felt more feminine than before and I got all confused. Will I have to choose a different label now? I don't know :frowning2: What should I do now?
     
  2. Kodo

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    People assume that gender is a strict progression from male to female. But actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint... it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... gendery wendery... stuff.


    [​IMG]

    You may be somewhat genderfluid or agender - but predominantly male. Thus you could adopt a title such as transmasculine, demiboy, genderqueer male, et cetera as opposed to the more binary statuses like "transmale" or "agender."
     
  3. Eveline

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    Ask yourself if there is a certain level of emptiness and numbness in the agender feeling as if you are distant from everything and disconnected. Many people who are trans, once they reach puberty protect themselves by distancing themselves from their body, escaping and becoming numb to pain and feelings. The numbness and emptiness increase over time if you don't transition. This is completely normal and as you transition and learn to accept yourself for who you are, you start feeling alive again. I know that when I first started to question my gender I identified initially as agender because for most of my life I did feel nearly completely genderless, later on I realized that the feeling of being genderless and asexual were nothing but side effects of how I survived and coped for so long. That it protected me from gender dysphoria but came at a huge cost.

    If this is what you are feeling, I would be very careful about identifying that part of yourself as agender mainly because it is something that might stop you from ever accepting yourself for who you truly are and it might make it harder tor you to transition because it is a form of repression.

    Much hugs,

    (*hug*)

    Eveline
     
  4. baconpox

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    I think nonbinary might be a better word to use than agender, because agender is a lack of a gender so you can't really be agender and something else.
     
  5. jusataqueerhere

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    I think something you should consider is iff you are a demiboy. This term means that you identify as male most of the time but sometimes you feel like another gender/ no gender at all. Just something to consider!