1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Paronoia about my boyfriend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by RavenTheRat, Jul 30, 2016.

  1. RavenTheRat

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2015
    Messages:
    516
    Likes Received:
    29
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Hey guys :3 So I need help again

    My boyfriend is awesome. He's polite to my parents, he respects that my anxiety can make me do weird stuff or snap at him suddenly, he understands that my autism makes it hard for me to read when he's upset and it makes it hard for me to maintain eye contact, he always makes sure I'm okay with something before he does it (like kiss me or something) he's a total geek, he sends me dog videos at 3:00 AM, and he loves cuddling.

    I'm totally paranoid that he's going to like, kill or hurt someone. And I have no idea why. He has tons of friends, the teachers and school police officer love him, he's got really nice parents, he loves his dog more than like, anything. The only thing to even slightly support my crazy fear is that he did once tell me that the only thing keeping him from beating the s*ht out of people who deserve it is that it's illegal (But he said this at a point where he was already really upset and emotional due to something else). He also did get into a fight two years ago, but it was provoked, he didn't just randomly start hitting someone.
    Aside from those instances, he's really sweet and considerate. I even broke up with him once before, and he never tried to hurt me and never even said an unkind word to me afterwords. I was actually way more nasty to him at that point in time.

    I don't really know what to do about this. I have generalized anxiety disorder, and I also spent 3 months convinced I was going to die from deep vein thrombrosis, so keep that in mind. At the same time, I find what he said to be really off-putting.

    I have asked him if he would ever hurt an innocent person and he said no, never. And I am positive he would never hurt me. I just.... don't even really know what I'm thinking to be honest. It's just something that makes my stomach churn when I think about it.

    I don't know if he actually might be dangerous or something or maybe I'm just crazy. I've considered playing it by ear and if he says any other thing that's kind of strange that then I'll break up with him. Advice please? Thanks in advance, I love you guys(*hug*)
     
  2. KingJude

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2014
    Messages:
    182
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    I think you're definitely overthinking it. I have a tendency to overthink things too. He sounds like a fantastic person, and I feel maybe explaining to him your concerns, making it clear that you feel you might be overthinking it, would be a good idea, seeing as he's so understanding. People say things like that all the time. I don't think it's especially strange. I have said many times I wish I could kill so-and-so but I've never meant it. It's just anger flowing out. He sounds great and the least likely person in the world to do anything like that, I'm 100% sure that he said that purely out of anger, and whilst I know it's hard, I think you've got to try and look past your concerns and continue having a great time with a great guy! (*hug*)
     
  3. RavenTheRat

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2015
    Messages:
    516
    Likes Received:
    29
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    You have no idea how thankful I am for this response, you said exactly what I needed to hear <3 Thank you so much

    I overthink things constantly, it's like my superpower haha. You're probably right, I'm going to try and relax :slight_smile: Sometimes I just really need someone to point out that I'm being silly haha.

    Thank you so so much <3 Also, love your avatar picture :slight_smile:
     
  4. KingJude

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2014
    Messages:
    182
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    Quite welcome! ^_^

    Also, thanks! I love Mickey Mouse <3
     
  5. Gunsmoke

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 17, 2016
    Messages:
    609
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Manchester, United Kingdom
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Your boyfriend sounds lovely! I know it's difficult, but I'd try not to worry about it.

    Sometimes when I get angry I say violent or threatening things too - I don't actually mean them, and I'm sure your boyfriend doesn't either, it's probably just the way he expresses his anger. Honestly, he sounds really nice, not like the sort of person who you need to worry about. I think you'd only need to be concerned if he started getting physically violent without being provoked, but again, he doesn't sound like that type of person at all.
     
  6. Creativemind

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2015
    Messages:
    3,281
    Likes Received:
    410
    Location:
    Somewhere
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Your boyfriend sounds like me and I'm a lady. I get really violent, aggressive tendencies too and can say things I don't mean. I also tend to get verbally aggressive. I don't think I would kill a person. Tell someone if you see serious signs, but for the most part, violent urges are a normal part of being human.
     
  7. ThatRangerGirl

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2015
    Messages:
    108
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bessemer Michigan
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Okay, this might sound harsh, but I don't mean it to be-- i think your genuinely wanting help and hearing it straight might be necessary-- also please keep in mind, I am NOT a mental health professional, but if these thoughts/feelings continue I would recommend seeing one--

    I'll cut to the chase-- based on the facts you have given, I think you have mild to moderate delusions-- by this I don't mean your crazy or stupid, but rather suffering from delusion disorder--

    A person who is delusional strongly holds a set of fixed beliefs or feelings, that may or may not be connected, and depending on the belief range entirely false to greatly exaggerated-- depending on severity of the disorder, the delusional disorder may or may not be aware/able to be informed of the irrationality of their beliefs/there condition-- Delusional Disorder is separated from various schizophrenic disorders in that the delusions and beliefs are non bizarre (physically possible) as opposed to bizarre (not physically possible)-- for example the belief that Darth Vader was following you would be bizarre-- the belief that your neighbor was a North Korean Spy would be non bizarre-- both beliefs are equally implausible, but one is physically possible whereas the other is impossible

    Additionally Delusions do not typically spring out of nowhere-- in the mind of the delusional individual there is a specific and reliable source of the belief, usually triggered by an event or events, but massively blown out of proportion, or misinterpreted--

    Finally the delusional individual typically retains full control of there faculties, and continues to act/think rationally and in a manner typical to that individual-- any abnormal behaviors are directly connected to the delusional beliefs(s)

    This information is summarized from the NIMH website so you can be sure its accurate (NIMH stands for the National Institute For Mental Health)

    Basically to apply all this to you-- you have an entirely kind/loving boyfriend, who typically acts as kind (or more so) than other boys, treats you and others well, and shows no real violent tendencies-- however you strongly feel that he is or may be violent/murderous (it is physically possible that he could be extremely violent without your knowledge, but it is extremely implausible) While there is no reason to believe this you feel this way very strongly-- additionally, the belief does originate in a specific experience or memory, but this experience is both being taken out of context and exaggerated-- finally it does not sound as though your behavior or actions are atypical in any way, and you even retain enough rational thinking to come here and ask for help (which suggests if you do have delusional disorder, it is relatively mild)

    I don't know if this information helps you, but I hope it makes you feel better to have these feelings explained from a medical or scientific point of view--

    again, I am not a mental health proffesional, and i have limited information, so I could be entirely wrong-- either way, if these feelings continue, I would STRONGLY
    encourage you to see a mental health professional.

    I hope this helps,
    Maya
     
    #7 ThatRangerGirl, Jul 30, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2016
  8. RavenTheRat

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 27, 2015
    Messages:
    516
    Likes Received:
    29
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Hey thank you to ALL of you guys, hearing common sense does help. And thank you for pointing out that people say things they don't mean when they're upset. I forget that sometimes.
    He really is an incredible guy, and my brain needs to shut up haha
    If he ever did or said anything really threatening or concerning I would immediatley tell someone of authority of course.

    And Tinuneth, I've never heard of that disorder before, but I will look into it. I strongly believe that this is just my anxiety effing me over hard, but you make a good point that this could be something else. Some points you made really did help though, so thank you <3 Honestly, the way my mind works, I do KNOW that it's quite improbable and rather silly, but it's almost like a worm eating away at my mind until I talk it out with someone and get reassurance, which is kind of the thing- I need reassurance from other people.

    Thank you all for helping to ease my mind <3 I keep saying it but I'd honestly probably be a living ball of worry and dread without this site.
     
    #8 RavenTheRat, Jul 30, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2016