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Parents not helping. Need someone to talk to.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by PrinceVegeta, Dec 26, 2017.

  1. PrinceVegeta

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    I am currently on holiday leave from the army and am visiting my parents.. but there's a huge problem here. What should be a nice relaxing time is stressing me out terribly. My parents know how I feel, and know what I have done to myself and plan to do (though it's a bit tough and a lot of things are on hold at the moment due to my "commander in chief, AKA President Trump"), and yet I feel like they don't care about my feelings at all. They are both still calling me their daughter, and she,her, ect. Strangers look at me funny when my parents call me a she and I have told my parents how this bothers me.. Apparently they "still love me" but because I was raised as their daughter, I will always be their daughter. They will let me do my thing, but no matter, what.. still their daughter. I am seriously so stressed, so upset.. I don't even want to be near my parents right now. I seriously feel like they aren't even trying to truly understand me at all.
     
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  2. Aberrance

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    Dude, that's disgusting of them. It's manipulative and emotionally abusive. You're not their damn daughter, they don't have a daughter in you they have a son and nothing they think changes that. Have you provided them with information about what transgender actually means and stuff about gender dysphoria and how it's an medical condition, maybe when they see some facts they'll try to understand more? Let's see how bloody stupid they look when you go round to visit in a few years time and they're still calling you their 'daughter' when you're dench with a bunch of facial hair. Don't get stressed, feel embarrassed for them, they're the ones looking like idiots. It does anger me though that they think it's okay to treat you this way. Hang in there mate, hopefully they'll come around and if not, you don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
     
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  3. heyrita

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    Maybe they need more time to get used to the changes that you have undergone. In time they will understand it, you need more patience.
     
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  4. Kodo

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    It's an unfortunate and frustrating thing to have parents who don't recognize their trans kid. I've been there. But it isn't any fault of yours, and you don't deserve to be disrespected in that way. But as it happens, this is something you are going to have to work through.

    It takes families a lot of time to come around. Sometimes years. A transguy I know, who is now in his thirties and transitioned when my age, told me it took his parents nearly a decade to come around and fully understand. All the years they knew you as a kid and during which time they had formed so many dreams for their "daughter" that they missed seeing the real you. If anyone should be supportive, it should be our parents. But they aren't, and you have spoken to them and still no change.

    You've done everything you can right now, brother. Hold your head high. One day they will see what an amazing son they have and regret the times they missed you.
     
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  5. PrinceVegeta

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    Thank you all, guys.
    I have provided them with information. I have even shown them different sites that gives information about transgender people in hopes they could understand me and what I'm going through. Instead, even my mother who seems to be a little more open minded, didn't even want to read any of it. My father doesn't even want to acknowledge any of it at this point. But it's already been done.. I have been on hormones, quit temporarily because of boot camp, and I have already gone through a little bit of physical changes. They have seen it.. I'll hang in there man... I have calmed down a bit so now I understand.. This is still so new to them, it's still a shock. They need time to soak it all in..
    I sure hope it doesn't take a decade for them to fully understand, though it would definitely be great if they did late than never at all. I'll be patient.. But man, I know that it's going to be quite a bumpy road especially with my family with this process.
     
    #5 PrinceVegeta, Dec 27, 2017
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2017
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  6. Wesley007

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    Hang in there. Just stay strong.
     
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  7. Cert

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    I might sound insensitive, but if you don't want to be around your parents you could always just leave. Go be with a close friend, relative, or someone who accepts you for who you are. Don't lose faith in them, it takes time to adjust.
     
  8. PrinceVegeta

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    I ended up leaving the house for a bit and spent some time at the beach and let my head cool down. One of the nice benefits of being at Florida for holiday leave.
     
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  9. Lipstick Leuger

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    Well, I am just gonna say it...your parents are assholes. I am SO sorry that you have to deal with this and put up with it. There is no excuse for your parents treating you like this. If you have corrected them and they STILL do this, then they are not respecting you. Is there somewhere else you can stay? I would seriously consider it and tell them why you are leaving. Let them know that as long as they do this you will not be visiting them nor spending time with them. Then follow up with it by leaving and not visiting until they make an actual effort to respect who you are. If you don't do anything to get across they are killing your soul every time they do that, it won't change. Sometimes you have to throw down the gauntlet.

    My Partner is transmasculine/Nonbinary and I am afraid that is where we will be soon enough as well. Top surgery is set for Summer and the parents don't know yet. So we will visit them after the surgery so this should be interesting....
     
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  10. PrinceVegeta

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    I hope all the best for your partner. As for me, holiday break is almost done with. I think I can last one more day around my parents. If not, man do I love being near a beach for once. \o/
    Oh, and wesley, if you see this, I cannot answer to your reply on my profile since your profile is on private or something. Therefore, I cannot reply back at all :/
     
  11. Wesley007

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    Sorry man I'm still learning the site.
     
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  12. Wesley007

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    Try now...sorry. I hope it worked.
     
  13. PrinceVegeta

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    It's fine. Don't worry dude. Okely dokes.
     
  14. Foxfeather

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    Shoot me a message on my wall
     
  15. Foxfeather

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    Parents mean well and they have trouble letting go of how things are. It's like when kids grow up. I think what they really mean is you will always be their little one, their baby, and it's hard for them to unsee that.

    I'm wearing a mask as much as you are. Even around the people who know I am trans. I will always be my brother's sister, my father's daughter, my mother's little girl.

    But someday, I will also be a lucky woman's husband. And I won't need to explain myself or come out any more. Not as long as she knows and understands and respects who I identify as.

    I still get dysphoric. I still hurt. But I don't bother trying to shape my face or body any more. I don't try to pass. It only hurts me further when I do those things, it doesn't work for me. But what I'm saying is, as long as you know the truth, that's all that really should matter. We know your truth and you know your truth and if you are spiritual, then the universe knows your truth. It knows that gender isn't something that nations should be fighting over and passing laws about. It knows that it's ridiculous in the grand scheme of things. Heck. Snails have both genders and they're not an abomination, and yet we can't wrap our heads around transgender people.
     
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