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paralysed by shame

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by CL1990, May 6, 2024.

  1. CL1990

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    i have always known im a lesbian but ive rarely acted on it. Lately i am going to more queer events and meeting loads of women. Im happy that im putting myself out there but, even though i get some attention, i always feel paralysed wheneven someone gives me “the look” specially if its someone i might be interested in. Its a mix of shame because of being gay and also my lack of experience and im not really sure how to move along… everyone around me seems to have no problem getting with other people but i really struggle

    ps. i guess it doesnt help that i am sober and i guess alcohol always provides some liquid courage…help!
     
  2. JT1999

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    Alcohol is the cause of and solution to a lot of problems! I don't know where I would be without it, not here I'm sure.
     
  3. Chillton

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    I understand how you feel. Sometimes my lack of experience makes me feel inferior or left behind to play catch up. But I realized everyone has their own starting lines and finish lines varying from any issue you could imagine. So what I do is just drop all very high expectations I think I should have for myself, and just do my best. Look at it as a clean start. The difficulty may be slightly higher now that I'm older but I can always rise to the challenge.
     
    Ipswichfan likes this.
  4. LlouW

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    I know how you feel. Lack of experience makes me feel unwanted, but I have come to realize that I am completely normal in my approach to women. The problem has to be with them. It is a collective problem that women have that keeps them from approaching other women. As lesbians we just have to live with that. If you feel ashamed to be gay, then you are not completely out of the closet. As far as lack of experience like I said, that is caused by other women's problems. I just tell people I am recently out of the closet, which is the truth, and have not found any woman like me. The truth of my situation is stranger than I could have imagined - I am more romantic, sensual and flirty than any woman I know! Other women are not like me. They are very, very cautious about who they flirt with. Which makes me wonder what are they afraid of?