Hi all, Just joined up. Wanted to ask if there’s a right or wrong way for coming out? I happened to mention it in work a few weeks ago to a couple of colleagues, whom I haven’t known that long despite having worked there for almost 25 years. But there are colleagues I work alongside in the team that have been there a lot longer than me. It’s kind of weird, I mean really weird that this has happened. I told them that I thought I was gay but the reality is, I think I lean more towards bisexuality. In a bizarre kind of way, in retrospect, I think I was playing it safe by saying I was gay. Whether there is a misconception that bisexual men don’t actually exist (we’re confused) or that gay men consider us as a disease vector is blurry. I’d welcome your thoughts on this difficult matter.
Welcome CuriousMan to EC!!!! I trust that you will find this a very welcoming place where you can express yourself freely without judgement. There are some really great people here ready to offer words of support and encouragement. *smile* Many years ago I once wondered about that those terms, whether I was bisexual or gay. I have been married to a woman for many years, so was I bisexual? But in my heart of hearts I never fantasized about women, never felt attracted to women in a sexual way and was uninterested in straight porn. I did however fantasize about men, felt attracted and turned on by men and enjoyed watching gay porn. I stopped kidding myself and admitted that I was actually gay. There are many men who are attracted to both men and women. Some eventually gravitate to being fully gay, others straight while others remain attracted to both sexes. People who are bi, from my perspective, haven't received the same amount of recognition by society. Hopefully that is changing. It's up to you my friend to decide where on the orientation spectrum you will fall. Don't worry too much about labels. You will figure it out.*smile*
Thanks Dionysios for your kind words, (interesting username, Greek-related isn’t it?). I very much look forward to interacting with you in the coming months/years.
I likewise look forward to speaking with you too! Yes, Dionysios is my first name in Greek. My actual name is Dennis. Take care my friend!
Welcome, CuriousMan! My short answer would be the same as Dionysios': no, there's no wrong way. And since you've already kind of 'come out' to them in that you've broached the topic of your sexual orientation already (did I read that right?) and you want to know if you made a mistake ... My answer is still the same, no, there's no wrong way. You were unsure, uncertain. Understanding who you are is not something that comes straightaway to all. I used to watch a YouTuber who id'd as bi yet, in casual conversation, often referred to himself as gay. Yet he eventually (I watched him for a long time) started referring to himself more as bi, and even making vids like 'challenges of being bisexual' (paraphrase). My point is, Dionysos is right, since bi people are less acknowledged (perhaps men even less so) it's gotta be hard, because there's less language to use to speak about bisexuality, compared to homosexuality. But it is possible to speak to people in ways that don't use specific labels to describe yourself. Something like, 'oh I do like men, and sometimes I might like women, as well. Figuring that out.' Good people will be okay with that. That's my thoughts. Best of luck!
