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Out In The Open

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by SevnButton, Jan 30, 2020.

  1. SevnButton

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    Empty Closets has been a godsend as I have strived to come to grips with my non-standard sexuality and my fervent desire to keep my wife and family happy. I have really opened up here, writing things that I had not written ever before. I have bared my soul, much like I would do in a personal diary. Organizing and expressing my thoughts has been really helpful, and on top of that I've gotten some amazingly useful feedback from you all. My goal remains the same: I want to be authentic, happy and transparent, and I want my wife to feel my love and for her and my family to be happy. And hopefully, along the way I can help some other people here as well.

    My wife has cracked my Empty Closets name, and she's reading my posts. She is the only person in the world that knows the real-life me and my Empty Closets info. At first I felt betrayed, like someone had found my locked diary, opened it, and read it. I didn't think I was ready for it, but now everything is out in the open. There is a silver lining in that, but it's not easy. It feels like an important part of my support system has collapsed.

    What should I do?
     
  2. DecentOne

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    Like listening on the other side of the door of a support group. Ugh.
     
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  3. quebec

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    Sevn.....First of all, we are all still here for you. I know that I, for one, would not change how I respond to you knowing that your wife might read my post. If you feel strongly that you would prefer that she not read your posts, then as a full member you could privately let us know that you are changing your login name and avatar. Then after a week or so you could stop using your old ID and create the new one that you told us about. I realize as I write this that your wife may read this. I also know how many times you have made it clear that you love her and your family. I would hope that she would return that love and allow you the private time that Empty Closets gives you. We all need some time to ourselves. My wife and I have been married for 42 years in July and we both have private times that the other does not violate. Hope this helps! :old_smile:
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  4. Nickw

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    @svenbutton

    I agree with @DecentOne. I would consider this a terrible breach in privacy. I know that spouses can come up with all sorts of reasons for this. That marriages require full and complete openness. That it is for the good of the marriage. I’ve heard them all.

    My wife is a shrink. These sorts of breaches of privacy of confidential conversations are incredibly damaging to everyone involved and relationships often do not tolerate it. Everyone needs to have the ability to engage confidants.

    I can’t imagine a scenario that my wife would do this so I cannot advise you. My first thought was that seeing how devoted you have been to her through this would cause her to be more accepting and loving.
     
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  5. brainwashed

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    See my PM to you.
     
  6. SevnButton

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    From the bottom of my heart, thank you @DecentOne , @quebec , @Nickw and @brainwashed ! Your responses help me to be reasonable and fair.

    As I post back to myself I ask, "So ... what are you going to do about it?". Look, I am proud and thankful to be on Empty Closets. My participation here has been honorable. I seek to understand and make things better. I sincerely hope my replies to others have been helpful. For that I am proud. I've received some really good advice: don't rush into anything, be faithful, and don't do something you'll regret later. I have received some important validation: I am a decent person, and I am not alone. For that, I am thankful, way way beyond just thankful. You all have made a real difference in my life.

    Now that in a sense I am outed, shall I scurry back into hiding like cockroaches on the kitchen floor when the light is turned on in the middle of the night? I'll admit, that was my first instinct. I could pick a new ID, abandon 'SevnButton', and start all over. But where is the pride in that? Where is my authenticity?

    Believing my posts to be private and anonymous, I have written some things that may not have been from my best self. I hope anyone reading will recognize that with some kindness and forgiveness, and take into account all that I have written.

    This is my opportunity to take a giant step toward authenticity. I've been pushed from the nest of safety, and I can plummet to the ground, or I can fly.

    With deep gratitude and pride,
    =SevnButton
     
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  7. brainwashed

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    I like the rallying cry. Grab the flag and charge.
     
  8. quebec

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    Sevn.....Fly Sevn, Fly!! ***Hugs*** ***Hugs*** ***Hugs*** ***Hugs*** ***Hugs*** ***Hugs***
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  9. Fritzcoop

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    Sevn I only know you through posts and the fact that you are always here for me in the form of responding to my questions and posts. I sure appreciate everything that you have shared. You are kind and thoughtful. Anyone who reads your posts would see that :slight_smile:
     
    musiclvr5 and SevnButton like this.