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online dating - how to bring up out status and orientation?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by madlymargin, Mar 7, 2022.

  1. madlymargin

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    So I've taken the plunge with online dating (although just an incognito profile for now, for privacy).

    My question is whether there is some conventional way of bringing up one's "out status" during a date? And/or bringing up details about orientation?

    I want to ask about theirs, and also talk about mine. I think some online dating sites have this listed as a profile item - so if it's not listed... am wondering about how to initiate that conversation and if anyone has any tried tested and true ways.
     
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  2. PatrickUK

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    If it's not listed as a profile item, I would list it in the bio/description. Personally, I would rather have all of this information known before meeting someone for a date.
     
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  3. Batman

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    After we've had a few laughs and are comfortable w each other I usually just throw out "do you mind me asking how you identify?" easily opens the convo

    Or if youre bringing it up bc you want to discuss your status, offer the info about yourself first. ex: "I identify as gay but am still in the closet... what is your situation like?"
     
    #3 Batman, Mar 8, 2022
    Last edited: Mar 8, 2022
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  4. madlymargin

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    Yes true perhaps... but assuming this isn't the case, then what? :blush: Guess what I'm missing are the right words.

    @Batman I like your ideas & can see that working! Am keen to hear from others as well for more inspiration!
     
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  5. LostInDaydreams

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    As @PatrickUK suggests, a lot of people add information like this to their profile description. Even if you didn’t want to say “not out” on your profile, you could say something along lines of being new to dating women. I’ve seen that on profiles fairly often and it also prompts the conversation about how new you are, how far you are through the coming out process, etc., so that could be an option.

    And as @Batman says, it also sometimes comes up in conversation, or there might be a relevant opening. So, if they ask you what you’re looking for, then you could say that you’re new to this and just looking to meet people, or whatever fits. If somebody is on the app, I usually assume they are at least partially out, or at least, would not have an issue with being out and seen with a girlfriend. So, it may be that you’ll need to bring it up - I like the suggestions by @Batman above.

    Oh, and congratulations on taking the plunge! :slight_smile:
     
    #5 LostInDaydreams, Mar 27, 2022
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  6. madlymargin

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    Thanks this is also very helpful. I have been meeting up with one girl in particular lately. We've gone on a number of dates but we haven't really discussed all this yet (and it's been a few weeks now...). So am eager to kinda get it out there but I think we're both avoiding the topic still. Think she may be to some extent in the same boat as me... hopefully one of us figures out how to bring it up soon!

    Will try to plan something out in advance using the above ideas...
     
    #6 madlymargin, Apr 5, 2022
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 5, 2022
  7. Sunchimes

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    I personally would put that information about myself in a bio and I’d look for that kind of information in other people’s bios.

    However if it’s not there I would just in general conversation give them a bit of history about myself regarding my sexuality and how I identify etc and then I’d ask how about them to give them the opening to tell me about themselves.
     
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  8. Bobcatlynx

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    May i ask, are tere also dating sites speciallize for all kind of non binary people and trans people?
     
  9. LostInDaydreams

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    Specific dating sites can’t be mentioned on EC, so members can’t make recommendations. It may be that some sites offer more gender identity options than others, for example, or you may be looking for something more specific than that. If you searched online, you’ll likely find information on this.
     
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  10. Sleeping Owl

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    I can't actually say I've seen out status on any dating app I've used, but I like to ask on a first date as I'm getting to know them. Like someone recommended above, generally after there's already been some laughs and getting closer. It's a pretty chill question and not something to be worried about asking :slight_smile:
     
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  11. Haruto

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    No absolutely.
    Put it in the bio. If you really wanna know that bad, just ask. Say something like, "Hey, (insert name here)! I'd like to get to know you better! How about we ask some questions? Here, I'll start! What's your sexuality?" Of course, this is easier said than done, but you get the idea. Don't rush. I've noticed with my brother that with talking about these things, don't cannonball into the deep end. Try to slowly dip in. See what floats or not. (If you get this metaphor.) Of course, this is your life, so do what floats your boat(again?). Hope it goes well!
     
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  12. madlymargin

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    Ok this is great to know. I guess one of my concerns was how it is perceived - eg, is it a very private thing to ask, or something you can just "throw out there" and ask and it's as normal as blinking. I'm getting the impression that it's closer to the latter. Thanks :slight_smile: