1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Once again I find myself questioning my gender.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by LJKyber, Apr 29, 2020.

  1. LJKyber

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2020
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    This is gonna be a long one, so if you don't want to read it all, I'll put a TL;DR at the bottom.

    Some backstory here - I posted on here a few years ago on a different account because I was having trouble figuring out my gender. I'm AFAB, but at the time I was beginning to feel like 'female' wasn't quite right.

    From that post, I came to the conclusion that I was genderfluid - specifically between female, male, and sometimes agender. I identified that way for a few months, but I soon realised that that wasn't right either. What I realised was that I honestly didn't feel female at all, but I'd been telling myself I did just so I wouldn't have to accept that I'm trans.

    From there I decided to refer to myself as simply nonbinary, because I had no idea how to describe how I felt, and that seemed to work as a catch-all term. However, I've always been one of those people who finds comfort in putting specific words to the things I feel. I know a lot of people will say, "Well, you don't need to figure it out. Labels aren't that important!" And yes, I agree with that, but for me personally, I do need to figure it out. I don't know why. I just do.

    I've been going by nonbinary (and, more recently, agender) for a while, but I can't help but feel that drive to narrow it down. Essentially, the way I feel can be split into two categories: one - some days I feel like I have no gender at all. On those days, I prefer they/them pronouns and dress as neutrally as I can. Two - some days (and this is the majority of the time) I feel more masculine. Not quite male, but more masc than I do on my neutral days. Those are the days when I love being referred to as 'he', and were I not living in a house with transphobic assholes, I would definitely try to look as masculine as I can. The only things that remain constant between these feelings is that I definitely want top surgery, and most likely bottom surgery too. I can't stand any part of my body that makes me look even slightly feminine.

    These feelings tend to fluctuate enough that I recently decided to go by two names - one for my neutral side (Jamie) and one for my masc side (Leo), along with two sets of pronouns. The only thing that remains a mystery is whether or not there's a term to describe the way my gender(s) feel.

    I'm sorry this got so long-winded and possibly confusing. Any help would be appreciated.

    TL;DR - some (most) days I'm masc, but some days I'm agender. Is there a term for that that I can use instead of just saying that I 'kind of have a gender but also kind of don't'?
     
  2. ChescaC

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 6, 2013
    Messages:
    209
    Likes Received:
    76
    Location:
    Albuquerque NM
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    With all you said here, including the TL;DR the best terms that I can offer up are “Non-Binary”, “Genderfluid”, or “Genderqueer”.
    Non-Binary: because you don’t fit into the binary of masculine/feminine, at least not all the time.
    Genderfluid: because your gender identity is fluid, it ‘floats’, it isn’t fixed.
    Genderqueer: can’t really think of an explanation other than a combination of the prior two.
     
    #2 ChescaC, Apr 29, 2020
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2020
    LJKyber likes this.
  3. HoodieClub

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 14, 2020
    Messages:
    16
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Do you think that Demiboy could fit?
     
  4. LJKyber

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2020
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Thank you for reading and replying!

    I've been using nonbinary as an umbrella term so far - it's just that it's not a very specific term, so I wanted to see if there was anything else that would help narrow it down. As for genderfluid and genderqueer, I feel like they're probably the best bets for now, so thank you.
     
  5. LJKyber

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2020
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Possibly. The only reason I haven't used that is because, as far as I know, demiboys don't experience their gender changing. They just feel somewhere between agender and male. I could be wrong about that, however.

    Based on this reply and the previous one, I feel like genderfluid demiboy might work, but I'm not sure if one can use those two terms together, since one means a fixed gender and the other is, well, fluid.
     
  6. Stitchy

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 15, 2020
    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    My head
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I feel exactly the same way you do. For me, some days I feel very very masculine and other days I feel gender-neutral or androgynous. Most of the time it's pretty fixed but it does fluctuate. I'm now saying that I'm non-binary but I guess for you it could be demiboy or maybe even genderflux with just feeling male. I'm not sure if there's really a term that fits us. I've been looking for one but I can't find any that describe me. I would suggest just saying you're non-binary, then, no matter how you feel you still have a label.
     
  7. LJKyber

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2020
    Messages:
    13
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Glad to know I'm not the only one, then. I think, for now, I'm going to stick with demiboy, since that's the combination of both masc and agender, and see how things go from there.