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On homophobic behavior

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Bastion, Jun 3, 2021.

  1. Bastion

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    Well it’s June and it’s pride month.

    Happy Pride month for all people here in this community as well as people celebrating this month around the world.

    I also think it’s a good time of year to tackle some challenges and struggles facing the community.

    Yes there has been some major progress in acceptance and rights of lgbtq+ people since the stonewall riots.

    But there is still nonetheless some work to be done, in my opinion, in regards to homophobic, biphobic and transphobic behavior that still remains to be seen and heard from some people. It seems we are still not over Homophobic bullying, remarks, derogatory use of the word gay, discrimination or even violence and persecution in certain countries.

    So what I would like to hear more about in this thread. Is how to challenge these kinds of of behaviors. What are the strategies or actionable steps in dealing with unacceptable and intolerable language or behavior.

    Any coping mechanisms, stories, experiences, support, advice, anecdotes that we can learn and apply in our own lives and make a difference in the lives of others.
     
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  2. sojabohnenfeld

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    I tell people that I'm too gay to be friends with guys but too straight to be friends with girls. Guys think I'm boring and feminine... girls think I'm interested in them. This pretty much addresses why it is lonely to be gay, for me.

    edit: this stops people from being antagonistic to me because it usually makes them realize what it is like to be me
     
    #2 sojabohnenfeld, Jun 3, 2021
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2021
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  3. Bastion

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    @sojabohnenfeld

    Thanks for your post. Interesting. and good for you. But I have heard a lot of accounts from people who have been through tough times. How it caused them distress and became an obstacle for them in their life preventing them from actually being their authentic selves.

    I know it’s not an easy topic to discuss and talk about. I mean the phrase “that’s so gay” that has been going around meaning “stupid’ lame or rubbish” is just horrible. There are worse maybe, but this is common and people are using this now for anything even if it was not about a person in the lgbtq+ community.
     
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  4. QuietPeace

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    For me this sort of thing is a microaggression, microaggressions add up and sure they do hurt but they are things that I can handle. I try to point out to people when their attitudes can be hurtful like this. Another microaggression is when people make identity based "jokes", I find the best reaction to that is "I don't get it". When they have to explain the "joke" it tends to fall flat and points out to them that their attitude is not really funny. Though it does not always work, some people are so invested in ridiculing marginalized people that they refuse to stop no matter how often anyone points out how wrong their attitude is. Some people are just incapable of accepting that punching down is not appropriate because kicking someone below them off the ladder really seems to be a big part of western societies attitude.

    The types of issues that I have more problem with are hardcore violent hate crimes which even happen in places that allegedly are safer. Even in California, USA things like this happen in 2015.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sodomite_Suppression_Act
    I do not know what the solution to things like this or how to stop things in places where the laws already completely support such attitudes. I know that many people say that we all have to be out and loud and that the more exposure there is the better things will become. I just really dislike the idea of having to become a martyr to try to make things better for other people, especially given that someone has already tried to murder me once. What I did was move someplace where things are better which I know not everyone is willing to do or even can do.
     
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  5. Bastion

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    @QuietPeace
    Thanks for your post. You highlighted and brought forward many good points.
    I like the idea you described dealing with identity jokes. It’s like a comeback or way to respond to microaggression without being overly aggressive. More like passive aggressive.
    I know there are more hateful and hardcore violence being committed and that’s really awful. And am sorry to hear about what you have gone through.
     
  6. sojabohnenfeld

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    I mean, I have had this too. Half of my family is very religious, incredibly traditional, and grew up with little education. You can maybe imagine what this is like? I can't even remember some things because it helped me to just push it all out.
     
    #6 sojabohnenfeld, Jun 8, 2021
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2021
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  7. sojabohnenfeld

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    Exactly it definitely feels like a cultural thing. You can see this in book series for children as well as movies and tv shows that I personally remember being read as a kid... there's no doubt these are reflections of our culture.
     
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  8. WindyMom

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    I am bi and date men and women. I generally don’t tell men right away that I am bi. Some think that makes me want to cheat more. A few men base their knowledge of sexuality on what they see in porn
     
  9. PatrickUK

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    In some cases this kind of behaviour is actionable and where that applies we should invoke a process against people who are causing trouble. For example, if your workplace has a clear diversity and inclusion policy that requires all employees to be respectful and tolerant, we should exercise our rights to the max. If we live in a country that has laws preventing hate speech, we should begin a legal process against anyone who abuses us. When using social media we should report posts that are offensive, even if it results in no action. We have to show intolerance to intolerance and keep pushing, otherwise nothing will change.

    Most importantly of all, we should use every election to press politicians into advancing our rights and use our vote wisely. Never, ever vote for people who don't give a shit about the LGBT+ community. We are talking about our fundamental right to exist and live and love and nothing beats that in my view. Don't vote against yourself!
     
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