Something I've wanted to get off my chest for a while. The way I see it, there are two parts to being turned on: #1. Being desired Hugs that turn naughty. A person touching you in a way that you find safe and agreeable, them using a tender kiss or a double D battery operated tool or whatever, and the result is eventually you get hot and bothered and perhaps even climax. You want this touch, this sexual domination applied to your person and psyche. #2. Desiring You touching a person... and their body and their reactions turn you on. You want to touch them, caress them, fondle them. The way they look makes you want to jump them in broad daylight, pinning them to the nearest wall with your hands and body while onlookers flee, horrified. You want to sexually dominate them in whatever way that is uniquely yours. You want to posses them, body and soul. Your body "feels things" when you touch them. A kiss can feel as good as sex. ________________ Before coming out, I think many of us can relate to #1 if you have a loving and caring partner. If the partner is extremely giving, many of us can even relate to some or all of #2, especially in the beginning stages of intimacy, or when we have a deep emotional bond, especially long term, with a partner. But this bond, though it can translate to physical affection, is not the same as pure physical affection. It is more of a 'brotherly' love for someone that you love and also sleep with because it pleases them and you and promotes bonding. But once you have felt the pure physical desire of #2, it is almost impossible to put "the unfolded road map back in the glove compartment" The jig is up. You can try, or deny, or cry, but there is no going back, ever. Suddenly everything is changed, you're signing up for screen names on EC, and you don't know who you are. When I felt #2 for the first time it shocked me. I had no idea I was capable of such depth of feeling and emotion, and I thought it was temporary, and I could put the feelings away. But I wasn't aware at the time that it was impossible. Because you know in your heart and mind, and what you've experienced cannot be un-experienced. When I felt #2, I also felt deep sadness and nearly pity for my hetero partner, who had been feeling #2 with me all this time but in all the time I only felt mostly #1. I felt disappointed that I was feeling this for the first time, and lacking that I had never felt this with him, even though he felt it with me. That I think is the tragic part of coming out of the closet later in life. That your partner felt "everything" with you, but you didn't feel it with them. There is a childlike joy to finding #2 for the first time, and also an equal and opposite pull of compassion you feel for your hetero partner, because you realize all this time they truly desired you. Because you know now what those feelings are. If anyone feels differently or similarly, please share!