Old and uncertain, I worry that it would be irresponsible to explore my sexuality any further.

About all I can suggest at this moment, mind you I've not had my morning cup of joe yet, get the book Sex At Dawn. What am I saying with this suggestion? Knowledge. Knowledge promotes acceptance and understanding.

Encourage you to get a paper copy. Why? When you go to a coffee shops to read the book, leave the book's cover in full view so others can see it. It's a head turner and can by a catalyst for conversation. Yes I know providing we humans get a handle on this virus thing.

Good luck.

 

Hey @Redcraze

Welcome to EC. Most everyone on this forum has determined, at some stage of our lives, that we are not really straight. We each have different ways that we come to this realization and we each deal with it a little bit differently. We often call it our "journey".

I came out to my wife of 32 years when I was 57. I knew of my bisexuality my whole life and it never really mattered. But, my wife lost her desires with a hysterectomy and we stopped being intimate. This stimulated my same sex curiosity which, in turn, stimulated my same sex desires. I came out to my wife, largely, because I was about ready to cheat on her with a man and I just figured I owed her the respect of being honest. I was convinced the marriage would not survive this. As it turned out, my marriage is better now than it was before. I'm now able to be fully honest with her and that is a big thing for ME. Each relationship is different.

Since you are being treated, I assume, for depression, have you brought this up with your therapist? I sought counseling and it was very helpful as I navigated coming out to my wife.

Another thing that stimulated my coming out was that I felt compelled to do something about my sexuality as I was seeing living the last chapter of my life. Of course, none of us know how much time we have left. But, it was important to me to live as a bisexual man. So, I have. I won't sugar coat how difficult this was for me. So, I don't take your situation lightly. But, the rewards, for me, have been well worth the risks I took.

Hang out here and read what other posters have been through and how their lives and relationships have changed and evolved. There is no reason to panic or jump to anything right now. Take some deep breaths.

Best.

 

@Redcraze

I, strongly, encourage you to try and get another start on treatment. Treatment of depression is tricky. Anti depressants do not start working immediately and sometimes a different drug needs to be tried, a different dose or a combination of drugs. In addition to anti-depressants, counseling can be very helpful to teach ways to deal with depression and anxiety.

You have a number of things going on right now. The loss of intimacy with your wife, your own physical sexual problems and what may be a clinical case of depression. It IS a real illness and it can have profound effects on all aspects of your life. Several of your stated issues such as changes in sex drive, ambivalence, physical health (sexual health is physical health) all are consistent with depression. In addition, if you haven't discussed these issues with your primary care physician, I would highly advise it so you can rule out other health conditions that may be contributing to these problems.

As far as your new found, or more recently re-discovered, attraction to other men, negotiating this, while suffering from depression, may be asking an awful lot of yourself.

It sounds like you are having a rough time. Your wife may very well sense that things are not great for you right now. So, she may wonder what is going on.

 

As @Nickw said the meds take some time to work and often more than one needs to be tried because everyone is different. Depression can be especially difficult to treat if it has gone on for an extensive period of time (and depression can be there for quite a while during which you are unaware and only see it when it becomes severe). It also helps a great deal to be in therapy at the same time. Depression IS a real illness which involves brain chemistry. It can be true that it is situational for some people, a starving or homeless person who is down about it needs to be provided for not drugged but if their issues go on long enough then even when they are fed and housed the brain can be stuck in depression mode and the meds will be needed.

 

Well Redcraze, at least you have a good wife, mine is mean as a human can be.
I coughed up a hundred smackzroonies to mr lawyer,,,all I got from him,,"Ride out it out, she will have you living in card box if you pass her off."
I'm 64
No sex for me for 20 years not counting Doc Johnson.