Ok, I have bad news

I think the letter is really good. Hopefully it'll make them think about everything better...

 

First of all, sorry for what happened to you. Has to suck to feel really good one day and like bad the other, but hopefully everything will be alright soon

The letter seems like an awsome idea.I think it will maybe make them stop and think. What I love about letters is that the person can read them as many times as they need to in order to really understand the what you are trying to say.

good luck

 

Josh, before I offer any comments on the letter, I'd like to share a few thoughts with you. I don't know what kind of pressure you are under time-wise, but I would strongly encourage you as much as it is possible to slow things down dramatically. Your parents reacted in the heat of the moment, and I'm afraid that you are doing the same. I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with the approach you are proposing and it is clearly from the heart, but I would strongly advocate having every option in front of you before you choose one. My concern is that this approach takes you down one particular path to the exclusion of others.

So first question, do you feel you are being pressured for an immediate response to their ultimatum?

If you have time, any time at all, think about every single option in front of you. There aren't a world of options, but you do have choices to make. For example you could equip yourself better with some tools if you could talk to someone else like a counselor at the church that Mike (padre411) mentioned or a PFLAG advisor. They may tweak your approach just enough to make a world of difference to the outcome.

I also agree with a number of others here that you should equip yourself with religious arguments in favor of homosexuality. You are asking them to find a middle ground but you aren't helping them get there - I think they have demonstrated that they're not able to find it on their own or they don't know how. Get some bible verses that are supportive of homosexuality, that prove that God loves you no matter what.

When I look at it in the cold light of day, your letter is calling their bluff. Yes it is appealing to their love of their son, but it is forcing them to choose one or the other without offering them a solution down the middle. This could be even more disconcerting to them - it backs them into a no-win situation. I think you have to offer them a way out of this that allows them to retain their religious values while still being able to love their son.

What I'm saying is that if you have any time at all, use it to your advantage to make a strong argment that gives them something to work with. I'm not sure how they will respond if you force them to choose one or the other.

Please send a message to padre411 asking him for something, anything biblical that you can leverage to them. He is a genius at this kind of stuff and I'm sure he wouldn't mind helping you out - he was instrumental in preparing me for coming out to my overly-religious parents. And if you do have time that can be measured in days or even weeks, seek out some direct help from the people already mentioned in your community. It may be awkward or even painful to wait, but it could be the difference in the ouctome.

 

I don't think you should have the part about "If you want me to leave home, then I guess I will have to" That gives them the permission to kick you out. Take that out if you haven't given them the letter.

Edit: I removed what else I had because the others have done a lot better than what I could edit from your letter.

 

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. I hope the letter gives them something to think about.

 

I have to agree with James here. Your letter seems rather reactionary. To me, this situation is similar to a negotiation - and in order to be a successful negotiator - you have to know when to slow things down. To continue on with this analogy, your parent's ultimatum is like an employer threatening a lockout. The employer could be serious, but most of the time they use the threat in order to pressure the other side into capitulating. If the other side (i.e., you) lets their emotions cloud their judgement too much, they could wind up making a terrible mistake.

That being said, you have been given a lot of good advice in this thread. It would be prudent to consider it before engaging in a power struggle with your parents.

If you do end up writing them a letter, there is only one change I would definitely make:

Stay strong. (*hug*)

 

(*hug*)... Lots and lots of (*hug*)s.
I wish you the very best. Stay strong. You know who you are. Just know that you have support here on EC. And if you want, feel free to message me. I have jokes and things up my sleeve to cheer you up.

 

Hey Man,

I come from a Roman Catholic family myself. When I came out at 15 it was NOT easy. My parents were just like yours... It's a phase/choice. They suggest I spoke with our pastor myself. I did and was surprised to find him on my side which was also a surprise to my parents. He actually gave them a lecture on tolerance. Also I had the support of my older brother who threatened my parents. In the end, I confronted them I told them everything I had/was going through and that if they could truly look at their son in such disgust they had no right to call themselves parents. It struck a chord and they began to come around.

Now confrontation worked in my situtation but it is NOT a plan that always works. I say speak with the priest. See whose side he is on. If you find yourself out-numbered then I say see the priest regularly to "change." And I don't mean that you should try to change from being gay/bi... because you can't. However, until you are financially independent sometimes you have to play the game. It sucks I know a guy here at my college who did it. Parents are petty when it comes to things they can't control (like who you fall in love with) so they use their power to abuse power over things they can control... like money. Anyway, you're i my prayers man, Good Luck. (*hug*)

 

I would just take out the word "guys"..It seems repetetive to me, and it really isn't necessary..I might be more powerful w/o it.

 

Mirko is right there and I believe its more wise contacting PFLAG before considering sending the letter. Its up to you, and in addition there are many great people at PFLAG. A member of PFLAG here is Becky as you are likely to know. In addition I also went to PFLAG a few times and it was really good and learned so much. I believe you need more support than here and its actually people where you can meet and get to know as well as make friends with and not just from the interent here.

(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)

 

Nice job. To thyn own self be true. You are walking the talk, Josh. Please let us know if you use the St Barnabus connection for assistance. I'll send them a donation right away. You are teaching your parents the meaning of love. Nice job. matt

 

The letter was beautifully written, and very emotional, but I must say I agree with James here.

 

Josh, I'm really sorry that things have not gone as well as you may have hoped in the beginning. Just hang in there and have faith that things WILL get better. You have come so far in the last week and taken a bunch of giant steps and all of us are really proud of you and we are all here to give you help and support.

My coming out went just about as terrible as yours, however I no longer live at home with my family. My mom is still in denial and wants me to talk to a pastor, but I didn't and I don't think I will. The letter that you wrote sounds just like a letter that I should have written to my mom, but I was too scared and now we don't even talk about me being gay. She has hopes that I will be straight one day and I have hopes that she will realize that I am not going to change. We just clash on that subject. I was raised in the church most of my life also and I love God with all my heart. I still believe that I am who I am because God made me this way and thats all that matters to me. I do hope that your parents will ease up and not kick you out or anything, just know that I will keep you in my prayers.