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OCD is making my life HELL.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Random Dent, May 27, 2011.

  1. Random Dent

    Random Dent Guest

    Okay, so, I have Pure-O OCD (intrusive thoughts). Basically I have irrational fears of turning into a pedophile, schizophrenic and murderer. I can obsess about these fears so much I'll give myself panic/anxiety attacks. I've been on Prozac for six months though and it's helped considerably.

    Before I came out as a lesbian I knew for a fact that I liked women. Starting from age 13, I would stare at pretty females in stores and check out their asses and whatnot. When I had (sexual) fantasies it was always about women. I couldn't think of being intimate with a male - it just felt too weird...it wasn't right. (And I have been with guys, and it WAS weird and it DID feel wrong).

    Lately I've been obsessing about whether or not I am in fact gay. On one hand I know it is just my OCD giving me something new to freak out over. On the other hand I don't know for sure if it IS in my fact my OCD. The thing with OCD is, if you worry about something it most likely is not true. Like I said before, I have always felt attracted to women, so what am I so worried about?

    I've been waking up in the middle of the night, panicking, and worrying that I might be straight after all. It's hell.

    I hope I'm making sense...

    My OCD is making my life hell and I don't know what to do or think.
     
  2. Pseudojim

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    are you seeing any help at the moment?
     
  3. Random Dent

    Random Dent Guest

    No. I'm not seeing anyone yet. It's something I've been considering, but I'm already on Prozac and it's helping me out quite a lot (as far as my fears of going crazy and murdering people or becoming a pedophile goes...I still worry about them, but I can manage them a lot easier now).
     
  4. TyRawr

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    Dear I wouldn't say you have OCD, but it is, however, likely that perhaps you have chronic anxiety.

    Do you know the 5 stages of loss? Denial/ignorance (I couldn't be gay, Im defiantly straight), bargaining (maybe Im bi, maybe if I do this it will make me straight), anger (how could I be gay! This isnt fair, I cant f***ing stand it!), Depression, Acceptance.

    To me it sounds like you haven't been doing much to help yourself lately. Are you back to bargaining? Perhaps the anxiety is the subconscious trying to tell you that something needs to happen, or is about to. Try and work on yourself, and promote your personal healing. You are loved dearie, you are cared for, and there are women out there for you.

    Some of what you are talking about has crossed my mind before, and stressed me out for about 3 seconds before I let it go. Maybe what you are experiencing is that you are so worked up over something else, that the anxiety is building up, and amplifying all of your other stresses.

    Does any of this sound like it makes since?
    I hope it helps somehow,
     
  5. Random Dent

    Random Dent Guest

    @Tyrawr.

    I definitely have OCD. It's called Pure-Obsession OCD. It means I obsess constantly about things that are irrational. People just don't wake up one day and hear voices but I become worried that I will, one day, hear voices. It's irrational and I know it but it still scares me.

    I have no problem with being gay. I'm pretty sure I'm not in denial. I'm definitely not angry about it. Though I still wonder if I am bisexual. (I came out as bisexual when I was 15). I definitely know I don't want to be with a man. This all leads me to think it's just my OCD.

    I'm being silly. I know it. I have nothing to worry about.

    (*hug*) Thanks, Ty.
     
  6. aidan

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    i think that maybe i might have pure-o ocd... although a much milder version compared to you... i've never heard of it before so now that i know that it's an actual disorder it makes me feel a lot better, so thank you randomdent...

    i don't have anything to add to this thread, apart from that i hope it gets better for you because you really do sound like a wonderful person who doesn't deserve to go through all of this crap...
     
  7. Random Dent

    Random Dent Guest

    @Aiden.

    (*hug*) I'm glad you feel better, knowing you're not alone. It's definitely not a fun thing to live with, is it? I wish you much luck.
     
  8. aidan

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    no it isn't, but again, what i'm going through is meagre in comparison with what you're going through and i really sincerely hope that you get past this. (*hug*)
     
  9. ToTheCeilingFan

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    I have pure-OCD as well, and I know what a killer fun time it is. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: The meds definitely help, but seeing a psychologist is really what did it for me. I'd definitely recommend finding someone in your area -- you have no idea how much good it can do. Best of luck! <3
     
  10. Chandra

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    I had OCD for years (and still have the odd little relapse), and although my intrusive thoughts weren't quite as pervasive as yours, I can certainly understand how it makes your life a living hell. I'm one of the lucky ones in that I was able to more or less cure myself of the compulsions.

    In recent years I've become a big believer in certain naturopathic and dietary approaches to these kinds of disorders - have you ever tried seeing a naturopath? Personally I wouldn't have wanted to rely on heavy medication, but I know different things work well for different people. Anyway, I hope you are able to find help.
     
  11. Mogget

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    I don't have OCD, but part of my depression manifests itself (rarely now, but a year ago constantly) with disturbing intrusive thoughts, so I can sympathize. Here's some thoughts:

    1. Your medication may not be the best for you. I take an anti-psychotic rather than an anti-depressant for my intrusive thoughts. I would definitely talk to your medicine provider about your thoughts and see if he or she might consider changing or adding a medication.

    2. The most important thing we need to have when dealing with intrusive thoughts are good coping mechanisms. One that I used was to write out, as verbatim as possible, my intrusive thoughts and to come up with reasonable counter-statements.

    For example, if you're worried about being a pedophile, a reasonable statement is not "I'm not a pedophile" or "I have no reason to worry about being a pedophile," but rather something like "I'm worried that I might be a pedophile, but that worry isn't helpful and there are other things I could focus on." Not sure how well that would work thought.

    To give a personal example, my response to "I deserve to die" is "I feel like I want to die but I have worth and am learning to cope." Saying, "I don't deserve to die" wouldn't work, as it flies in the face of my perfectly legitimate thought.

    3. And that's another point that bears stressing. Your intrusive thoughts, worries, and obsessions are legitimate. They may not be grounded in reality, but they are an accurate assessment of the state of your mind. Trying to devalue or disregard them will not help.
     
  12. Thing

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    OCD sucks. I know. I have it. And Bi-Polar Disorder. And Anorexia. But They don't normally bother me now. I can eat loads and the only pang of anorexia I get is: "I hope all this food doesn't make me too fat". It's stopped being a fear and become a worry. And all this is because of therapy. And anti-psychotics. But mostly therapy, because I'm lucky enough to have a good therapist who deals with all three instead of having one for each.

    Basically, try therapy.
     
  13. I'd recommend seeing someone. It's the same thing I said to my best friend with OCD and the same thing someone told me when they thought I might be bipolar (I am).

    Therapy is so much win. There are a lot of ways that a therapist is TRAINED to help you cope with your intrusive thoughts. This, as well as the medication you say helps you, will likely allow you to feel a lot better.