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Now, how do I do this?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by SelfT, Jan 12, 2018.

  1. SelfT

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    Simi Valley , Ca
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I am now working with my local lgbt center. I am starting therapy with a therapist who affirms gay individuals. Between these two I should be able to finally soon come out to my wife and son. This is not something I look forward to but I believe necessary for my emotional health. I didn’t ask to be gay, I just am.
    That being said, how do I do this? I haven’t the foggiest idea besides the stereotypical things you see in movies about how you immerse yourself into the gay way of life. I don’t want to show up in a gay bar, meet someone and then end up in a bad situation, nor do I want to get into something that I would not have chosen. ( leather might be in my future but preferably NOT the first sexual encounter after I come out) lol. Even then, what are the do’s and dont’s for socializing and more intimate encounters? Please let me know? I have always been a very awkward socially, I’m hoping since I am embracing my whole self some of that will disappear.
     
    DesireEyes and slowmo like this.
  2. DesireEyes

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    You have taken some big steps and should be proud of where you are. Once you come out to your family it will really start to sink in. Coming out later, especially when you've been living a straight life with a family, is a multi-layered process. There is the grieving of your family and straight life you will be letting go, the anger and pain your loved ones will show you that you will be facing and processing and then there is your own internal compass that has pushed hard inside for you to live your truth that has been suppressed and is eager, but unsure of when, where, how and what to do. Each of us go through these layers in our own way on our own time. There isn't one way to go about it, it's unique to who you are and your own situation. Eager to connect with a friendly support network? Continue visiting the LGBTQ centre and think about a group event they may be hosting. Eager to go on a date? Online may be your best start and you LGBTQ centre can probably assist you with which sites to start out with. Feeling confident to go to a gay bar - maybe a new support person would go with you, or if you are up to going alone then all the power to you! Go with it and don't have too many expectations on yourself. One day at a time. That's been my mantra. Good luck!
     
    LostInDaydreams likes this.
  3. looking for me

    Full Member

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    Location:
    on the Rock, Newfoundland and Labrador
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    working with your centre is a good start, we dont have one but i did get involved with Pflag and my local Trans Support group, going to queer centred events etc. before you know it you have a community and a support network
     
  4. SelfT

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2017
    Messages:
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    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    Simi Valley , Ca
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Thank you so much I was afraid I was on the wrong track. I will be meeting with the center in a couple weeks, although they are supposed to get a hold of me next week to see how I am feeling. They are fund raising to help with expenses for the transwoman who was brutally murdered this past week, and they are moving to a new building.
    If there’s is/are other suggestions I welcome them as well