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Not out yet; terrified

Discussion in 'The Welcome Lounge' started by ceceann, Mar 4, 2020.

  1. ceceann

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    I'm late to the party. I'm 62 years old and I am finally admitting to myself I may be gay. I'm in a rocky marriage and no one knows that I'm questioning except my therapist. I'm here to have others to talk to and learn from since I have no clue where to start or what my next step is. I'm only sure that I'm not straight.
     
  2. Needhelp3

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    Welcome I’m here late as well...

    I’m 50 plus physically attracted to women but love sex with men.. hard to deal with.. pretty sure I’m bi..

    I guess if you find the right friends BI is ok..
     
  3. ceceann

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    Since I'm new to being gay, and never really enjoyed sex with men, I'm not sure where that leaves me. I have no immediate friends who are gay, or at least none I know of. I'm feeling a bit like I'm flying blind, but will certainly find my way. Take care!
     
  4. Needhelp3

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    You too!! It would be nice to be able to talk to someone going through the same situation..
     
  5. ceceann

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    Yes, it would be so helpful to talk to someone going through the same thing, or who understands.
     
  6. BiGemini87

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    Welcome to EC! I think you've taken some important first steps: in admitting it to yourself, in talking about it with your therapist, etc. Having just come out fully myself (as you know; thanks so much for input, btw!) I know how scary it is. I don't think it's easy at any age, but I am given to wonder if for those of us who come out later, if it's harder in that we're so used to thinking and feeling a certain way about ourselves, and it takes more effort to come to terms with it.

    (Definitely not minimizing teens and such that come out, I know they have their challenges. Just that maybe they can accept it more readily on a general scale?)

    In any case, there's no rush in figuring out where you fit. The important thing is that you're ready to work through it. :slight_smile:
     
  7. Mus1cGuy69

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    Welcome to EC!
     
  8. ceceann

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    I can see that coming out later has its disadvantages. One that is hardest for me is the regret and shame that it took me so long to figure this out. My need to please, follow the crowd, and not stand out is strong, though. Now, I'm feeling the pressure to not waste any time continuing to be the wrong version of myself, but knowing I can't rush things for many reasons. Really trying to slow myself down and take it one day at a time. And then all those feelings regretting all the years I've spent not being who I was meant to be come rushing back. Just gotta keep breathing. Thanks, BiGemini87!
     
  9. ceceann

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    Thank you!
     
  10. Needhelp3

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    Well perhaps we can help each other..
    well perhaps we can help each other I would love to talk..
     
  11. ceceann

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    Yes, for sure! That is what most of us are here for—to talk and help each other.
     
  12. LostInDaydreams

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    Welcome to EC. :slight_smile:

    You should find plenty of people here that can relate to your situation. Me included as one of those people - I realised my sexuality when my relationship was going through a rough patch.

    I hope that you find EC supportive and helpful.
     
  13. ceceann

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    I am already finding EC very helpful! Thank you!
     
  14. Gregnb2020

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    Hi. Im so understanding of where you are in your life. I am 50 and have been struggling with this for years. I am married and i have the guilt of not being honest with her and also not being able to explore the desires i feel more and more are the true me. I have met males and i know it is me. but the guilt is very difficult.
     
  15. Euterpe

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    Hi there!
    I can relate to how you are feeling. It can be so daunting. I put so much effort into going through it all and coming out, but due to various changes in my circumstances it all kind of slipped and I went back to hiding who I was. I’m trying to re-address it which is how I came to be here. I wish you all the best!
     
  16. Pinknbloo

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    Hi Ceceann
    I'm late to the part as well at 56...and late to your post. For me, if the internet had been available I would have transitioned mtf by now. As it is, ive hidden, suppressed, denied it for a long time until finally settling on a genderfluid identity.. I guess for me it's knowing what I am but now trying to figure out what I'm gonna do about it
     
  17. jonny99

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    We aren't alone. I'm 66, married to my wife for many years (actually, happily so), still love her and enjoy sex with her. I have been attracted to guys since high school and have never acted on it, for all practical purposes. I do have an online male friend now, but won't do anything for real while married. Lately I realize I am more attracted to men than ever and my wife is pretty much the only woman I still find attractive. I doubt I will come out unless I'm single again, but I'm not sure what to think anymore. Anyway, the guilt and frustration can be tremendous at times, and it would help to share all this with others in similar situations. Glad we're here. The site already has helped a lot.
     
  18. LostInDaydreams

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